I never met you in person, but if only I could help you & somehow undo that terrible mistake that resulted in your departure from this place. Death is but another transition, a change, if you will....& to some a change even if they DON'T will. I am assuming, Tobala, that in your case, that was NOT your intention. Were you looking to soften life's pain? Were you just wanting to go off into the realm of dragons & magicland, the place I go when I'm spinning fast, & were silliness, joy, peace, & love last. I've used to deaden pain, but more often than not, I'm happiest when my head stays up in the clouds. Beauty, magic, are all that reign. I miss out on soo much not staying down on earth like the majority of "normal" people do. Still, fuck it. By constrast, reality & earth, the way people act, 2 words: No contest. Reality can't even begin to compete with MY favorite place.
Kept in the closet from most, my secret life, just as a bipolar person takes the world's poles, puts them together 1 by 1, then finally in manic mode, vaults back up to the skies, heavens our real home, & vaulting up & yonder brief snatches of paradise are stolen from the human disgrace, we live it up, dance, play with our gods & goddesses, our missed friends, but there's a high price to be paid, either manic & busted by decisions made while high, to the down here on earth.
Perhaps, if not, the impending doom, the great depressions snares we get caught, or via dope sickness, not having enough, having too much, the complications never end. Plus, there's the chance the route, the vehicle, purchased by a one way ticket. What if the trip goes terribly wrong, as in a car, plane, train, boat, motorcycle, rocket. Happy as chemical airways allows 1 to be, except, took a wrong turn, went right instead of left, & somehow forgot all about the extra variations of turbo fuel .. not seeing the shadows of sparks from a road with many excellerants inside a volatile vessle, somehow past the point of no return, finding out too late that departure from this life as we know it, to be the very last.
Changed forever, not dead, but this mistake cannot be undone. "If only...." "What if...." "I shoulda done....woulda had....coulda been...."
Frustrations of sin or simply made dumb ass mistakes. Why is it? How come clarity is usually seen AFTER it's too goddamned late? I don't know you, Tobala, not personally. Although I DID enjoy our few long emails on here. You were VERY willing & gladly shared your knowledge concerning how to dose....one thing I've learned is to ALWAYS respect the unknown, especially strong dope. I had been in a hell of a pickle, sober 2 yrs, but Tramadol had me, it fucked me up. Ibogaine seemed a great solution, as it could have set me free from physical addiction to that damned forsaken drug.
The one & only I wish I'd never touched or heard of. Because of my dire financial position then & now, I had no way of coughing up $600, the detox drug that would have, if only, I'd been able to acquire, but not in the cards for me, but thanks a lot just the same. I'm sorry my friend, your life cut too short...you're like a burning bright star, burned hot, & lit up the sky, but the brighter the light, the hotter the flame, the sooner it goes to burning out, a stars death. It collapses upon itslef, a black hole ensures, but they too eventually burn out, & slow down as well. The outskirts of black holes at some time eventually become so hot from spinning, & emit waves of radiation.
So before the black hole burns out and stops spinning & moving, BAM! yet again, another BIG BANG. More stars, more light, yet another universe. Life sparks up again, & again, & again in some form. Personally, I see in my mind's eye black holes emiting their radiation waves.....up in my land, my head in the clouds, awesome music, because the black hole is emitting radios & music of ten million times ten? When all else fails, music is medicine for the Universe to begin, yet again.
You are the brilliant star, shooting bright. You are the black hole of unseen laughter handing out radios by the trillions for the Universe to hear. "What is that sound? I love it, what is making such lovely harmony like music so strong and clear?," asked a child like voice. "Radios. Tobala is passing out radios for many far and near. He's laughing & dancing, listen!,"answered a voice of wisdom and joy. "RADIOS! UNIVERSE YOUR RADIOS ARE HERE!," the voice of Tobala, joyful, happy, alive, loving music. Beautiful radios with sweet sounding music. Thankyou Tobala. May you be blessed with love & light always....Hugs. Pleased to meet you. I never told you my name. Tanya here, or simply, TJ. Rest in Peace, may you find healing, music, laughter, & love.
