Oh my fuckin god, no....I been thinking of him for months and had no way to get ahold of him, fuck me. I fuckin loved this kid. How many conversations we had over the years, I watched him go from once a week, once a month user who had it on lockdown control for the longest time to just slipping down into it and couldnt do a damn thing to stop him. i tried so many times to tell him not to be so cocky and sure that he had it under control and it happened just like I knew it would and all i could do is be there for the ride. How many times we spent talkin for hours on the phone, hanging out in diners everytime he came to NY. I lost touch with him and wanted so bad to reach him and fucking didnt. And now what. This world is a sick and sad fuckin joke, it really is. Ah, fuck me, i cant even do it right now. I just hate this fuckin world so much. And I hate these fuckin threads where you cant even begin to express....God dammit jack, why
Edit....I just read his obituary...This happened last august?!?! August of 2012, and I am just finding this out now??
He was the only bL'er who came to visit me in the hospital when the baby was born. He was there. Flacky had a heart that just breaks mine to think about.
Jack I still have that beautiful scroll you brought me from China and the brush and ink set...I cant tell you how many thousands of times I have stared at that scene next to my bed and thought of you. Its one of my most precious possessions and I cant believe still to this day that I mentioned to you off hand that I always wanted a chinese scroll of a mountain and river scene with boats and you went to fuckin china and brought one exactly as i described back to me.
Hangin out in chinatown with you back when I was pregnant, eating the ham-ba-ga candies and going to the back alley no guai lo establishments with you chatting away to the suprised old lady behind the counter. Haha, that same day remember when we went to that fancy rich chinese banquet place and then realize how expensive it was after we had been seated and drank the tea and acted like we were about to order and we all just jumped up and ran away on three and ditched it?
When we spent the whole night searching for a place that wasnt infested with cops that night after you dropped the bundles on the counter of the white castle in clifton as you pulled out your wallet? and when we finally got to the tick tock right after we walked in what was there but a birthday party of cops right outside the bathroom eating. Haha, what a night that was. we had so many good times...
How cruel this world is, I remember being your 'dope mentor' and begging you not to start IV'ing. I watched you from the very beginning and knew that it could never end well but i never fucking thought it would end like this.
zài jiàn my friend....