• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

RIP ektamine

Jan - I relate to your son, he was only a year younger than I ? At the same time today I have had the worst psychedelic trip I have ever been through ( multiple hits of real and fake lsd, 5meo pill) I thought I was actually going to die from the mystery substance I ingested ( I tested but could not find conclusive data) edata will receive this sample when I get the $

I also feared my mother going through what you had to endure :-(
 
My thoughts are with you herby. You and your son have touched so many people. I love you <3

I don't know what else to say right now; the words seem hollow somehow. I wish I could give you a hug.
 
Herby's posts always manage to make me tear up
RIP Caleb
 
Oh, two years already? Sorry I missed this yesterday. Thinking of you, love ya Jan. <3 x
 
Dear, dear Jan,

I have only recently returned to this site and read your latest post. Again, you manage to find words for things with which I am still struggling. That you help others may feel like cold comfort at times, but I can only say that it means so, so much to Motherwolf and to me. Please take care of yourself, and know that your words continue to make a huge difference. You bring us blessing in a world that can feel devoid of it at times.

I continue to hold you in my thoughts and prayers.
 


Here are the words:

blessing, teacher, family, old-soul, verve, strength, brave, questioning, tender, loud, stormy, familiar, barefoot, hot, powerful, spontaneous, infinite,warmth, candle, intrepid, complex, unknown, beloved, rabbit, imagine, debater, tender, enigma, seeker, handsome, hilarious, gift, shouting, universe, eyes, stardust, first, fired-up, smile, expansion,eternal, phenomenal, authentic, soulful, courageous, loved, sweet, Bun-Bun incarnate, anticipatory, grinning, energetic,deep, fearless, devoted,energy, treasured, friend, forever, affectionate, stubborn, sensitive, unique, Cakie, thumb, warm, wild, gifted, spirited, troubled,mystery, giver, true,inspiration, other-wordly, inspired,unmovable, sharing, adventurous, himself!, potential, light, espresso, existential, precious, compassionate, argumentative, generous, opinionated,wave, fire, alive.

And as always, words fail us.
 
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You are the most creativly loving mother a child could ever ask for, Herbavor. Ektamine was blessed to have you in his life. <3 <3

Ektamine, I am still convinced the advice you gave me while I was addicted to MDPV is what helped me survive the addiction so unscathed. You helped me stay healthy enough to make it through my student teaching with out totally ruining my career. And now I will not waste a moment of my life.

You will always be in my thoughts and prayers.
 
herbavore, I would be honored to have you as my mother. A lot of parents would have blamed Bluelight for their son's death, but you are a rare breed.

I never knew your son, but I'm sure he was a great man since he came from your womb.

Rest in Peace
 
^ He is here because we are here. Thank you for your love, Stardust. For me, sure, but mostly for him. It means so much to me.

Loving someone in their absence is so different than loving them in their presence but it is still love and it transcends the separation--that I am sure of. You have a big, open heart. Take good care of it.<3
 
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Words from a friend today:



Nothing is "deep'. Trauma, death, affliction, wounds.

They all happen on the skin of consciousness.

Deep down, its eternal, immortal, universal, infinite.

 
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You have been much on my mind, Jan, as I know you are preparing for your trip. I hope that whatever you do and wherever you go, blessing will follow you.

I hope that I may someday reach the place that you sometimes touch - that place where past, present and future are one, where this life and whatever is beyond it mingle.

Today is a sad and hard day, for reasons I do not know - shot with longing and loneliness and an ache too acute to be described as dull, though too pervasive to be sharp.

The sun is shining, the purple and white flowers in my garden nod gracefully in a gentle breeze, and none of this touches me. My eyes stream with tears without ceasing.

The only sweetness I know is remembering Reuben. I want so much to do more than remember him. I want to let him live again, with me, through me - even instead of me - though it is not in my power. Perhaps the love touches him wherever he is, I hope so.
 
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