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RIP Bluelight Member IndoleDreamStudies (LucidStudies on Erowid)

S

SoulSeeker

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 17, 2007
Messages
26
Hi All,
I'm writing here to pay tribute to my friend and fellow bluelight member J (IndoleDreamStudies):
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/member.php?u=97260

He was also an active writer and editor on Erowid (LucidStudies):
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.cgi?A=ShowAuthor&ID=279

J committed suicide in September via an overdose, after a long battle with Depression and Asperger's Disorder. I waited until now to post the news here, out of respect for the family's privacy. But I know that J was an active member of the psychedelic community online, and deserves to be recognized for all of his efforts. He was the rare sort who not only had a deep scientific understanding of these substances, but a wonderful writing style that captured the beauty of these experiences. He was also very meticulous and empirical in documenting his trips, as you can see from his Erowid entries. I have fond memories discussing the finer points of low-dose 4-ACO-DMT with him, and my first trip with Lucy together.

I also want to take this opportunity to raise awareness about mental health issues and treatment. I knew J struggled with depression, and encouraged him to see a psychologist for psychotherapy. I know he did start therapy, but I have some guilt about not following up with him about whether he continued treatment after he moved. I know there's probably nothing I could have done in retrospect, but I hope that this can serve as a lesson for others. If you or your friends have significant psychological issues, please seek treatment. While psychedelics can be incredibly therapeutic (as they were for both J and I), they can also serve as escapes just like most other drugs, and are not substitutes for professional care when someone is a suicide risk. J was a vibrant and brilliant young man with plenty of life left to live, and it's truly a tragic loss.

Anyhow, I just wanted to commemorate my friend and pay tribute to his efforts to promote our understanding of psychedelics. His death is a significant loss to our community, and also to his family, friends, and the world at large. RIP my good friend, we'll miss you dearly. :|

This is the conclusion from his last trip entry, published posthumously:
"And so I leave the psychedelics alone for now. I am starting to realize that my effort should be to take not what substances seem like the most fun, but the ones that will actually be most progressive for my life. Even if the only things that help me recover and improve are rest and exercise. I do not need any more madness in my life. I am still struck by the realization that although we all exhibit day to day that we are strong, all it really takes is a moment of weakness and a strong gust of breeze for us to disperse into the dust we were made from and fade away forever. God has given us the keys to life and death, heaven, hell and everything in between… But I’m afraid we are still just children. We have only just begun to learn what happens when the keys to the brain are turned. And behind some doors lie things so great and terrible that the world is not ready for them to be poured out upon its surface."
Click to expand...
 
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May your friend have peace on his continuing journey. I'm so sorry for your loss, SoulSeeker. :|
 
RIP IndoleDreamStudies :(

Condolences to yyou Soulseeker; don't bother with feeling guilty- you sound lke you were a very good friend to hm :)

Take care <3
 
from his last trip report, it sounds like he realized something important to him.
 
thats very sad, i talked to him over PM and email sometime ago and he was always a generous and thoughtful person willing to share information on his experiences.

RIP may your dream studies continue on another plane.
 
RIP IndoleDreamStudies & my condolences tio family & friends
 
:( I always enjoyed reading his reports, and I hope that he now resides in dimensions of purest light and love <3
 
That's too bad. He was one of those names that seemed to be on every psychedelic board and he had reports everywhere too.
 
I teared up while reading the conclusion of his last unpublished trip report and the LucidStudies Collection page on Erowid. He seems to have been a strong, expansive person and a clear thinker who expressed himself sincerely. It makes news of his death that much more tragic. I wish I had known him better. My sympathies, SoulSeeker.
 
RIP J. I wish you had stayed to see how we responded after you said goodbye, I wish you had let us talk you out of it. You had more to live for than many in the world.
 
wow man that was an intense report. scary stuff. sorry for your loss man. doesn't seem like he had asperger's syndrome from that one report. obviously i didn't know him though.
 
i've been doing nothing but reading his reports. first the mescaline one. then his erowid "profile." i loved his description of a psychedelic person. then i read his 2ce, 2ci, and LSD reports. all very good. sounds like an awesome dude.
 
Wow, RIP... I loved his work in Trip Reports and had been thinking recently about when he'd post again. His final conclusion you quoted is both beautiful and chilling.

:(

Peace dude

<3

EDIT: I just read the entirety of his last report...

<3
 
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RIP Indoledreamstudies.

You were one of the few BL'ers I really respected:(
 
That final quote is incredibly profound, thank you for sharing. RIP to him...
 
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