Ride & drive.

[rewiiired]

Ride & drive,
by rewired,
06/07/03.

I'm so lost to time and I
drift closer and then swing further away
from what you consider to be of importance
and what you consider to be insane.
You have four directions and
I have eight, a broken compass and a
spinning mind.
You travel to every side of life,
but I've got up, down, within,
and out-the-other-way as well.
Can you understand that you just cannot understand?
Can't you comprehend that I just cannot comprehend?
I've got to surf and ride this wave or get
swallowed in the undertow; I’ve got to look
deep and find the answers just
because I need to know.
I'm just trying to be complete
after fretting and bickering over
the mess of shattered, scattered
pieces all these years.
I want to be able to pull through and then
just feel whole again,
to remember what's it's like
to own my mind,
to bear the sensations that sent me running
and revel in the sights that in the past
have made me blind, and
here I want just a taste of this, but you
won't give in.
Here I want just a sneak preview of
what could be, but you
keep on resisting.
I don't know where I'm going, I
don't know where I'm from -- I don't
even know how it that I got here,
but would knowing the progression
of that fate provide any map on
how to get out of this?
All this cannot be written in stone.
There's got to be a way back home.
I would die ten times to open my eyes
and sit in the throne inside again,
to live feeling the kind of life,
the taste with which you tease;
to have brighter things to bleed
to make the choice to be free.

 

[Taliana]

This was an awesome piece dude... I hope you are able to get out of that feeling sometime in the near future...

You aren't alone... Ive been both people you portray in your piece... i've been the one in your position when i was in school... and now one of my best friends is there... and I'm the other person...

Just try to be open to the possibility of living what you desire. Try not to shut people out by thinking they don't understand... itll leave both sides hurt.

 

[lola72]

mmm lovely peice. and very true.

 

[nightstar444]

Try not to shut people out by thinking they don't understand... itll leave both sides hurt.

i can't agree strong enough. i think moving out will be a very very positive thing if you let it be. dont' think so pesimistically about it. i have it set in my head as one of the main things i have to look forward to.

 

[smileyfish]

Rewiiired, I replied to this a couple of days ago but it seems Bluelight ate my post

I really like this one. I wish you the best of luck on your journey and hope you find some of the answers you are looking for.

On a critical level, this piece flows really well until you get to the last 8 lines and the rhyth pattern changes. It makes those last few lines feel detached from the rest of the piece. Other than that it's really well written.

*Hugs*

Smiley.

 

[rewiiired]

Some responses:

nightstar444:

i can't agree strong enough. i think moving out will be a very very positive thing if you let it be. dont' think so pesimistically about it. i have it set in my head as one of the main things i have to look forward to.

I am looking forward to purusing the idea of moving, if it all pans out -- but that's not what the poem is referring to. The poem is dealing with the issue of difference and the resulting distance. Specifically, it dealsw ith the gulf I feel between myself and those I care about/the world in general, how they see the world and how I do, what matters to me and what matters to them. It's about accepting the fact that some of those close to me cannot comprehend who I am or what's going on inside me or how I experience the world... and likewise, I cannot comprehend the perspective of others. There is a distance I feel; an isolation that grows stronger when I'm in the company of others. There's nothing pessmistic in that, it's just accepting the limitations and working with them... and I never deny the possibility of a breakthrough.

It's also about my need to follow `this process' I've been in all these years all the way through to the end -- regardless as to whether those other people can understand. It's about going your own way, doing what you feel is right... etc.

As for: "Here I want just a sneak preview of
what could be, but you
keep on resisting." specifically, see `Goth Girl & the Clown', as well as
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=84235&highlight=goth

Smileyfish:

On a critical level, this piece flows really well until you get to the last 8 lines and the rhyth pattern changes. It makes those last few lines feel detached from the rest of the piece. Other than that it's really well written.

Thank you for the critique... I was origionally going to end the poem with "how to get out of this?" but went back to add the last eight lines because I was aiming towards ending the poem with an element of strength and determination, rather than merely a question (as it often is with me)... you're right though, they don't really flow...

Just try to be open to the possibility of living what you desire. Try not to shut people out by thinking they don't understand... itll leave both sides hurt.

The advice in your first sentence is something I've really been trying to carry out as of late. I'm not shutting people out, at least no more than usual, but I am coming to accept `the gulf' that cannot seemingly be bridged... I think sometimes in relationships -- between people, between large groups of people -- there are just some things you cannot make people understand, and vice versa. It's a basic problem of communication. Sometimes the line is bad, sometimes you just hear the echo of your own voice -- sometimes the other person won't pick up the phone or check their messages... I'm babbling.