Rid of You

[Bi KaNd*E* RaVeR]

The half-empty K jar stares back at me as I take another huge gulp of my Corona.
Yeah I know I am smarter then this… but no one is here to stop me.
You don’t care… why should I?
The beer is so bitter going down my throat.
My throat that is sore from crying over you
I’m not going to cry now though
All my pain is about to end
And you know the way K smells…
You can always smell it before it hits you
You can smell it in your nose before it drips
The sting that comes along with it
I lit my favorite incense, mushroom magic
Turned all my lights down
And put on Jay’s “vol. 2” CD.
It’s dark, they way I feel
My eyes feel heavier and I have a funny feeling in my stomach
Maybe I should pee before I can’t move
That 40oz is running through my body fast
My head is swirling to the music
I definitely need another bump before heading to the bathroom
Wow the room is moving
Never felt like this before.
I don’t know how I can type all this.
I am about to fall over.
I feel like the room is moving slowly to the left
And I’m chasing it.
I can’t really feel most of my face or toes or fingers.
Just a little more… and I won’t feel you.
Not right now, not while you ignore me, and scare me
I’m just sitting here… my pajama pants hang off my hips because I haven’t eaten in a while
When I roll over to pet my cat, my tanned tattoo hangs out.. heh.. looks pretty blue in this lighting
At least the tanning bed makes me look healthier, good way to hide the evidence….
Of the way I Rid myself.. to get rid of you.
~5-24-02~

 

[Samadhi]

i really enjoyed reading this!! i have certainly felt like that before.
(((BKR)))
samadhi

 

[Angelight]

good god, i really loved this....

 

[harraser]

"Don't let the past destroy your future."^^^from your sig incase you dont recognise it.
you have a real talent BKR, i always enjoy reading your work, its sad how such wonderful words must be inspired by such pain, but unfortunately its the way life is. i hope youre ok *hugs* this was a joy (maybe not the most appropriate word i know) to read. thank you, very very much!
-ant

 

[Bi KaNd*E* RaVeR]

Thank you all of you..
Ant- Writing when i'm hurting is what keeps me going and moving on without doing crazy things. And posting here is a real help.. i love the comments, encouragement, and love you all give me - when i need it most.
It also helps me to frequent this forum and know that i am not the only one who needs to scream/cry/or a hug.. to let it out..
Thank you for loving my words

 

[frostyangel]

I haven't been able to post much in bl lately. But this poem rocked. And the way you described and do k, is so here with me. I love that stuff so much. And I always want to drown myself in that when times get rough.
This some excellent choices of words.
Good work, jenn.