Spencer
Bluelight Crew
I often wondered how it felt to be hit by a ton of bricks. That night when I looked into her eyes and she wrapped her arms around me, I could feel weight of a thousand tons of bricks crushing the last drop of resistance out of my soul. With that embrace I could no longer tell myself that everything was going to be alright. I felt the excuses and the lies I had told myself for countless months crumble under the weight of a soul that had no right being burdened down by anything, much less a love that had no basis in reality.
That look he gave me as I flung my arms around him hurt more than any shattered bone or broken heart. As I rested my head in the curve of his clavicle, it took every ounce of strength to hold back the tears that were welling up in my eyes. He didn't have to say anything. I could feel the sorrow that was coursing through his body, his mind. I opened my mouth to speak, but there were no words I could say to console him, to ease his pain. So I just held him, and I didn't let go.
"Oh Jesus Christ," I said. "Get a fucking room already." It was like a bad soap opera, watching these two holding each other, pineing over emotions that were so blown out of proportion you'd think they'd cast themselves in a teen angst filled version of An Officer and a Gnetleman. More like Dawson's fuckin' Creek if you ask me. I shook my head as I whapped him upside the back of his scruffy head.
I looked up at him with a dumbfounded look. Didn't he understand what I was feeling. The emotions that were courseing through my veins as I held her in my arms. This was the beginning of everything I had ever wanted. Finally, I could be with her, and hold her forever, and never have to let go, not for anything. Even as I felt the walls of my resistance crumbling, I knew that it wouldn't all be for naught, because finally she was mine. I waited so long for this day to come. All I could do was grin.
That was it. That smile on his face was more than I could bare. I couldn't keep up this facade any longer. He leaned in to kiss me, that goofy grin covering his entire face. I turned my head, backing away. And the tears broke through, streaming down my face. There was nothing I could say. So I ran. I ran as fast as I could, and I didn't look back. I couldn't bare to look back.
I had to be strong for him, because he was nothing but a pile of worthless at this point. I tugged on his arm, as he watched her run away, mouth agape. A sort of gurgling sound came from his throat as he tried to call after her. "Forget it kid, she's gone. You're... you're too good for that broad anyway man." It was all I could think of to say. I never was any good at that consolation bullshit. "Come on kid, I'll buy you a drink. You look like you could use one or twelve." I had to drag him from the yard, out of the party. To his credit, he never shed a single tear. Not in front of me, anyway.
[ 24 April 2002: Message edited by: Spencer ]
[ 24 April 2002: Message edited by: Spencer ]
That look he gave me as I flung my arms around him hurt more than any shattered bone or broken heart. As I rested my head in the curve of his clavicle, it took every ounce of strength to hold back the tears that were welling up in my eyes. He didn't have to say anything. I could feel the sorrow that was coursing through his body, his mind. I opened my mouth to speak, but there were no words I could say to console him, to ease his pain. So I just held him, and I didn't let go.
"Oh Jesus Christ," I said. "Get a fucking room already." It was like a bad soap opera, watching these two holding each other, pineing over emotions that were so blown out of proportion you'd think they'd cast themselves in a teen angst filled version of An Officer and a Gnetleman. More like Dawson's fuckin' Creek if you ask me. I shook my head as I whapped him upside the back of his scruffy head.
I looked up at him with a dumbfounded look. Didn't he understand what I was feeling. The emotions that were courseing through my veins as I held her in my arms. This was the beginning of everything I had ever wanted. Finally, I could be with her, and hold her forever, and never have to let go, not for anything. Even as I felt the walls of my resistance crumbling, I knew that it wouldn't all be for naught, because finally she was mine. I waited so long for this day to come. All I could do was grin.
That was it. That smile on his face was more than I could bare. I couldn't keep up this facade any longer. He leaned in to kiss me, that goofy grin covering his entire face. I turned my head, backing away. And the tears broke through, streaming down my face. There was nothing I could say. So I ran. I ran as fast as I could, and I didn't look back. I couldn't bare to look back.
I had to be strong for him, because he was nothing but a pile of worthless at this point. I tugged on his arm, as he watched her run away, mouth agape. A sort of gurgling sound came from his throat as he tried to call after her. "Forget it kid, she's gone. You're... you're too good for that broad anyway man." It was all I could think of to say. I never was any good at that consolation bullshit. "Come on kid, I'll buy you a drink. You look like you could use one or twelve." I had to drag him from the yard, out of the party. To his credit, he never shed a single tear. Not in front of me, anyway.
[ 24 April 2002: Message edited by: Spencer ]
[ 24 April 2002: Message edited by: Spencer ]
