return to the bad trip, again and again

[fluxy]

ill make it short,

when i was 16, i pushed my mind as far as it would go on LSD and found myself in a terrifying place, total lack of reality and how i got there/how to get out. until this experience, the more drugs i took, the better i felt! after 3 days i realised i wasnt going to ever come back to "normal" for a couple of years. (it was about 20) in this time i stopped smoking weed altogether except once or twice a year, and used valium to control anxiety attacks from the initial bad trip (bad trip is poor wording, strong, uncontrolled trip is more like it).

Once i felt better, i was determined to return to the scene of the crime, and started with salvia and dmt like drugs, cause they were intense and short. i needed to be able to be in that other reality and be cool with it, not scared of it. I had to keep trying. then dxm came along. with doses as high as 2000mg, spaced out over a few hours in 500mg caps, i found myself in the same unreality again. at first i was scared then while i was tripping one day this girl was with me and talked to me while i was in the other world. from then on in i made huge progress with my mental issues from drug use. so the question is: does anyone else seem to want to repeat otherwise unpleasent drug experiences for whatever reason? or think they know why i do it? Its been 6 months since my last dxm trip, a pretty intense IM 1000mg one that brought about a nuclear holocaust trip scene eyes open and closed! i feel its time for another before i go to rehab in 3 weeks. so any thoughts guys and gals?

 

[Afuton]

i had kind of a similar thing with a dxm trip at not even that high of a dose
(710 mg but smoked a lot of weed as well) and had an anxiety attack while tripping. Been about two weeks but i still have anxiety symptoms and i dont think i can do psychedelics or even really want to smoke weed anymore. I have smoked since then and it was ok at best when in a controlled environment with best of friends, but when i dropped acid again it was fun on the way up but at the height of the trip i had an anxiety attack again and needless to say it was pretty bad from then on.

I feel the same longing to go back and i guess "defeat/overcome" the bad experiences because i used to love weed and psychs sooo much and when in conjunction i felt like the happiest person on the planet at times. Now i just feel sad that i might not get back to that wonderful and creative place but i still want to try.

I'm a bit wary of dxm now since that seems to be where it started, but then again it could have been coincidence that my anxiety attack happened then and now my body just associates psychedelic trips w/ anxiety
I would recommend other psychedelics over dxm personally but it is obviously a personal preference (note that i had several great dxm experiences before this bad one but that was all it took)
If you are gonna dxm again use pure or extract dont do the cough syrup or pills unless you have to
but i would recommend shrooms for a general feel good vibe

 

[Legerity]

Perhaps you just had to resolve this issue for yourself? Some things are not rational, yet very important to an individual. Your life is yours to paint as you wish.

I've made some decisions in the last year that could only be described as irrational to somebody who has not lived my life. To each their own.

Be honest with yourself and you will know if you have a genuine need to do something of if that is an excuse to do what you want.