Respiratory depression-burning the benzo/opiate candle.

[Ethan-ate]

Just a rough risk assessment here people.

Apologies for long post.

I'm currently in a partially sucessful rehab prog.

2 main addictions-tramadol,benzos.

Benzo taper dropping 2mg every 2weeks from 20mg.....currently supposed to be at 14mg valium.....however I blew it by choice(rather than craving) for various reasons I will explain soon.

Also on 10mg subs (lucky) for a trammy/codeine(CWE!) habit.

Needless to say the subs piss all over the trammy 100% so in effect I think I have no developed a real opiate addiction.

Its incredibly plesant and operable.

Also,the subs made my benzo taper from a mere 20mg of of valium seem irrevelent.

My addiction of 3 years was.

12-16mg Klonopin
16mg Lorazepam
8mg xanax
1000mg tramadol
60mg ritalin along with my steroid cycle as I was a personal trainer and.....kindergarten teacher. Somehow I functioned.....actually excelled..due to my OCD and bodybuilding lifestyle,everything was timed and strict-junkie strict.

For reference

Anyhow.....although prescibed 10mg sub, I aim for 6mg and I am still in the prelimanary stage so I will be on 10mg for awhile so I plan to continue ( sucessfully) my benzo taper in 6 weeks which will finish on a oh so lovely 0mg in 4months

The next 6weeks are just going to be incrediblt testing,

Anyhow finally question time......due to some recent violent episodes -- I have -personality disorder(wtf)......I won't take APs, there is talk of mood stabilizers ( I am reading up).

Suffered from GAD and very dark suicidal depression in my 20s until the Anti-d mirtazpine saved me literally.

My rehab p-doc is different to my mental health doctor .

Currently back on the anti-d mirtazapine that might be upgraded with venlafaxine.

Anyhow been hitting the klonopin 2mg and some lorazepam 2.5mg, about 6mg klonopin roughly each day but obviously with the Subs am I risking it a bit at night, respiratory wise etc.

I am 40, fit....well bodybuilder -steroid fit but seriously, good diet ,CV fit, train regularly.

I am very experienced peformance enhancing drug user and upmoderate user of steroids ,stimulants also, I use epherdrine,yohimbe or ritalin.

Also the beta agonist stim clenbutrol used with the thyroid hormone T3 bodybuilding wise.

I dislike stims for their "buzz" due to being a x speed junkie but for use them for fat loss and performance but with the subs halflife (and/or) Klonopin the edge is taken off so stims again become very useful.

(I realise the mini speedball negatives)

My weight is currently climbing-planned.

The subs are a opiate oddity, I can be watching a movie in full junkie nod mod with clona potentiating them a lot then within 5min I can be up active,cooking then hitting the gym, being socialable,training with full intensity, get back and nod out again......which is very nice honestly.

The stims always burn out before the opiates/benzos.

I realise despite "rehab" which IS helping with group meetings and CBT from the mental health team and my eventual sobriety (unthinkable right now) that I am on a cocktail still right now.

By the way, no street drugs or alcohol.

Even the steroids I use, thyroid hormones and stims are genuine pharma not that that implies safety of course.

Also I am aware of mental implications,stims, steroids etc to save lectures- no offence.

My resting HR, BP etc are in check and I think my body is too pepped up for respiratory depression to take me out cold in my sleep but I have noticed as has my gf a very deep snorimg on my back yet I am not that heavy yet. Unlike me.

Seeing as the clona, subutex,mirtazapine,tramadol all cause CNS depression.....and theres no naxalone in subutex am I at any "night-nap" risk at all.

I tried to control my benzo intake but it quickly spiralled up but to nowhere near old abuse levels....I still get my "day" done - training as I am signed off sick,cooking etc training others though the urge to nod out all day is very strong I kind of meet it in the middle.

Feeling ready for work soon I think.

Confident about quitting benzos eventually but the future and subs to clean still scares me shitless,

Thanks in advance, again sorry for length.

 

[Runtoparadise]

10mg subs for a weak opiate habit?? I don't think you've done yourself a favour there dude.

I wouldn't think your at risk of ODing on that mix, but I could be wrong :/

The snoring is likely associated with being more relaxed, including relaxing the throat muscles while you sleep on your back.

Rtp

 

[Ethan-ate]

Agree on the 10mg sub....honestly, with enough benzos in place I could of kicked the trammy habit anyhow as by the it was only 200mg and a easy kick compared to a cold turkey benzo period....however despite the wish to recocover I am still thinking like a addict, rehab p-doc mentioned suboxone as opiate replacement at 8mg and I jumped on it, I admit I lied to bump it to 14mg by the nurse but the p-doc over ruled and put me on 10mg.....honestly, I am trying to hoard them but not doing great as we all know u need a very stable home and supporting cast to kick/rehab from, my situ is better than the street as technically Id be homeless but its a terribly stressful 'house' living with a x-gf....I'd much rather be alone in my own place but there is a lot of positives here also when things are "ok".

Without the gym I think I'd implode or descend into old ways.

Honestly my previous addictions cost me everything,whole new life, great relationhip, great job,new country and I fukd it all up....

...obviously not the kind of negatives i should dwell on though

Need to try to look ahead.

Cheers

 

[dez79]

I take 30mg oxazepam in morning for my GAD brought on by PTSD , I to have found mirtazapine to be a life saver 45mg . just remember side effect from benzo over use is severe depression so tread carefully , I take few mg of meclonanazepam or flubromazepam sometimes for sleep , which makes me snore apnea etc. Good luck

 

[Runtoparadise]

^Ive never heard that. Dez, is that while still "over using", or in the aftermath? Obviously I'd understand severe depression after quitting benzos,- I mean fuck, who wouldn't be depressed lol??

Mirtazapine, yes, can be quite the miracle drug. I take it sporadically (forgetfulness), & suffer some very unwelcome side effects such as realistic nightmares, sleepwalking. I won't go into much more detail,- but if anyone can tolerate or manage to avoid these disturbances, then, yes, it can work miracles!

Ethan, a 200mg tram habit?!? To subs? Am I missing something new here? Does taking bupe help with kicking benzos or are you replacing a minimal habit with a much larger beast? Why did you lie & what about to get such a dose? Think the largest sub script I've heard of,- even on BL is 8mg.

I empathise that your home situation is not ideal at all times, & kudos for hitting the gym.

Each & every addiction is so damn difficult to kick & takes a hell of a strong spirit. But it's doable, just take a stroll down BLs TDS.

I didn't intend to undermine you, or your habits, just curious. So please do tell us more

Rtp

 

[Ethan-ate]

The rehab doc after hearing my tales of abuse ( whilst living in Thailand very! Comfortably was more interested inmy lowered usage since returning to the Uk-more or less deported as things got messy at the end as my last sanity slipped.

When I got home I was wrong self admiited.....I believe to a AAU- acute assessment unit- phych-home, a facility totally inadequate for rehab.

I was put-forced on quitipine(sp) the disgusting A-typical AP even though I stressed NO APs after being subjected to Chloropormazine and olanazapine in my youth.

I HATE these drugs,no doubt they have uses but not for me.

The non rehab trained,phychiatrist a complege twat dropped my entire benzo dose to 3mg clona each day.....when complaining on the AP lethargy he blamed the clina(duh I am tolerant) @and dropped me to 2mg then told me the pharmacy rupefused to prescribed tramadol as it has no use in a phychiatric setting.

After dropping me (dead mans drop)to:

2 x 0.5mg clona the discharged me with a one week script...

Anyhow,all null and void, upon my leaving the hospital my 92 yr old Grandad and sole real surviving family was admitted after a huge heart attack.

I would of relapsed anyhow after such a shitm attempt at 'getting rid of me' but I hit 12mg clona each day again and 10 trammy and ritalin to stay awake knt he hospiral until he went which he did 4days later God rest a old soldiers soul.

Things got worse as the clona ran out and my hook up was away = my 1st ever 6 day total insomnia benzo cold turkey.

I simply cant describe how bad it was.

Anthow got on a taperess valium benzo prog and my doc saw i was venturing into codeine and the odd IV pentazocine etc so prescribed 8 mg, said take 4, if u feel u need more take the other 4.....of course addict mode dully engaged i did, also I did askmfor amdose increase,why.....because I could I guess and I still fiend.

My rehab doc though did say he was conerned he had raised my opiate tolerance.

At one point i was giving my 16mg diaz script to my gf foranxiety and i honestly did not miss it on 6mg of subs......then the "package" arrived from my source.

100x klonopol 2mg
30 x 2.5mg loraz (2.5mg surprised me)..

What did curiousity kill?........

I sub-l - 1mg klonopin, 1mg loraz and 2mg subs....

That was nod heaven but a very sporadic nod I could almost pop out of sober at any min functioning like on tramadol..

However my tendency for dependency is offending me and it is damaging my gym plan,meals, relationships, looking for work etc.

There is a fine line but whatever the benzos have to go back down, after all i must give a clear urine sample in4 months benzo wise or my rehab can drop me thus no subs.....noooooooooo, I love benzos but I have a new love.

Honestly I wish I could rewind 6ursnwhen I was just a bodybuilder getting ready for anew life in Thailand.

Drugs r bad mmmkay.

I have lost everything but rebuild I must.

Once I am the gym regular in aregular eating pattern I switch autopilot and thendrugs hold on mr fades alittle, i just have to keep at it.

Opiates/benzos chew thenfuk out of your dedication, your discipline but I wont be beaten, no way.

 

[dez79]

All CNS depressants can induce someone from depression to severe depression, I take lots of nicotine gum caffeine and mirtazapine to counteract (crazy I know). But if your depression is brought on by untreated anxiety disorder, benzo is a saving grace , diclazepam is the closest analogue to diazepam and can be accessed very easily. Hope that helps