Resentment and guilt towards loving parent..

[Sleaze]

talking to my mum at times can feel like it’s such drain and effort at times, particularly if i don’t have the energy or slept well the night before.

then i feel so guilty afterwards because i know she’d do anything in the world for me and im fortunate to have her as my mum in so many ways.

at the same time i know that one day she won’t be here and i’ll look back in regret at all these times where i felt it was such a drain talking to her.

deep down, maybe in some ways i resent her for some of the personality traits and habits i see in her that i see in myself, and don’t like..

i guess talking to her while trying to keep those resentments hidden, consumes more energy than it normally would.

my dads very last words to my brother and i was to take care of mum.

yet even tho i know she gets lonely at times, i still can’t be bothered talking to her or going to visit her as much as i feel i should.
i just can’t/won’t find the time for her.

between work and trying to cope with the weekly grind, it feels like there’s no time for anything.

the spare time i do get, i’m either procrastinating about doing something or avoiding it altogether.

often when dealing with life’s struggles, i withdraw and do whatever it takes to hide the fact i’m struggling. i think partly because maybe i have too much pride, and partly because i don’t want to burden or worry anyone else… which is ironically one of traits i see in my mother.

truth is, sometimes i just can’t be bothered talking to anyone. as if it’s a chaw, and i don’t have the energy.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I can relate a lot to this.

My mother is a saint and would do anything for me, one of the most loving people in the world. However, talking to her or just being around her can be incredibly irritating for me.

I think a big part of this is normal. That desire for separation from parents as a youth doesn't always totally go away when we age.

I have overwhelming guilt for some of the things addiction had caused me to do towards her, but on the flip side I also harbor a sense of betrayal from something she did many years ago when I reached out for help and felt like she backstabbed me (sent me away to a series of rehabs for a whole year when I did not ask for that).

I think these things are incredibly complicated emotionally and difficult to navigate.

My mother is getting older and I do try to spend more time with her, but it is still difficult and still irritating in its own way. We see the world in totally different ways and are totally different people.

I will always do anything she needs help with to the best of my ability, but talking to her in person on the phone is often nails on a chalkboard for me.

I think it's normal and a lot of people would feel the same. My sister has a closer relationship with her, likely due to having my mom's grandchildren and for their sake, but I can tell she feels the same as me but probably to a lesser degree.

 

[deficiT]

MH -----> TDS

 

[nznity]

talking to my mum at times can feel like it’s such drain and effort at times, particularly if i don’t have the energy or slept well the night before.

then i feel so guilty afterwards because i know she’d do anything in the world for me and im fortunate to have her as my mum in so many ways.

at the same time i know that one day she won’t be here and i’ll look back in regret at all these times where i felt it was such a drain talking to her.

deep down, maybe in some ways i resent her for some of the personality traits and habits i see in her that i see in myself, and don’t like..

i guess talking to her while trying to keep those resentments hidden, consumes more energy than it normally would.

my dads very last words to my brother and i was to take care of mum.

yet even tho i know she gets lonely at times, i still can’t be bothered talking to her or going to visit her as much as i feel i should.
i just can’t/won’t find the time for her.

between work and trying to cope with the weekly grind, it feels like there’s no time for anything.

the spare time i do get, i’m either procrastinating about doing something or avoiding it altogether.

often when dealing with life’s struggles, i withdraw and do whatever it takes to hide the fact i’m struggling. i think partly because maybe i have too much pride, and partly because i don’t want to burden or worry anyone else… which is ironically one of traits i see in my mother.

truth is, sometimes i just can’t be bothered talking to anyone. as if it’s a chaw, and i don’t have the energy.

I can relate but with my father...