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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
Remaining Friends with Ex-Partner
- Thread starter Ashley
- Start date
modern buddha
Bluelighter
Take a long break to get assimilated with being single again. Hang out with friends and family. Stay away from him for now.
Most importantly, just remember that it doesn't work for everyone.
Most importantly, just remember that it doesn't work for everyone.
Ashley
Bluelight Crew
..the quotes are from another thread pertaining to this same situation.
Well, it's been about 9 weeks now since I've had any contact with her whatsoever, though I have been sending messages to her new boyfriend (he used to buy speed off of us from time to time a few years ago, and always had a little crush on her - though she would always laugh about it and poke fun at him with me after he left: calling him the "Ginger Ninja" and we'd have a good old giggle together and little things like that.
So, anyway after countless messages and phone calls to this guy (let's call him J), him saying he was passing my messsages on and every time I called he would say Jess wasn't there. I stopped with the calls and the texts a few weeks ago, as I didn't want to seem like the "desperate ex-boyfriend type" but a couple days ago I finally managed to get five minutes on the phone with her after he answered and gruffly asked "What do you want?", I said "Put Jess on the phone!" and he did. She sounded very worked up, annoyed, and I told her that I missed her and she sarcastically said "Oh, you missed me?" I asked her why she hadn't contacted me and she basically said that she thought that I would just try and manipulate her back into a relationship with me and want her back. I said "I don't want you back!" and she was shocked and said "Good, you're being reasonable for a change".
Now does this justify her lack of integrity and dishonesty in doing what she did. Does it excuse that being a weak act? Because she felt terrible about it and didn't want me to get hurt more by having to reject me if I came back trying to get her back? She thought I would be out of control, unreasonable, I mean - but I told her I didn't have a problem with it as we had established that we were just friends and that when she asked me a few days before she became uncontactable and ran off with J if it was okay if her and J were friends.
On that same day, she said to me "Do you promise that we will always be best friends? Regardless of whether you (me) finds a wife or I (her) find a husband?" and I said of course and that I would always care for her. At this point, we both knew that Jamie had a crush on her and when I asked her if she had a crush on him, she told me that she didn't. I get the impression that she was trying to avoid hurting me - am on the right path there? However, when I asked her about that and proposed to her that she lied about that she defended that by saying that at that point she didn't have a crush on him, that didn't come until she had spent a bit of time with him alone. She said "Sometimes these things just happen" - and I can relate to that, because that is what happened when her and I fell in love 6 years ago on February 24 (our anniversary is coming up - oh, great..). My point is I think they have fallen in love. She said she was happy and healthy and that J had her best interests at heart and was helping her get into a detox unit.
The next question I asked was, When I asked you "Would you tell me before you had sex with someone else?", you replied "Of course I would! And I would expect you to do the same! We've been together for so long." - So when I asked her "So, why didn't you tell me before you fucked J?! Didn't I deserve that courtesy?! I mean, you gave your last boyfriend a 3 month deadline before we started screwing and you HATED him, yet we're apparently best friends and you didn't even bother to tell me?" I carried on saying how it was cruel and cold, but I don't know how much she heard because she HUNG UP..
I am still not interested in "falling in love" again, I am terribly lonely so I guess that's why that thought keeps nagging at me. Funnily enough though, about an hour after this conversation I had with Jess. I bumped into a girl, we exchanged numbers, and she sent a text message saying that "I was pretty handsome", asking me if I would like to hang out some time for drinks or alternative poison! And the night prior to that, I was at one of my speed dealer's houses, he's in the kitchen and his sister (who I know, not really well, but well enough) on the sly, passed me a note saying "Any time you want to catch up just call me 04******, you can ring me any time, if you want to catch up and hang out, I'll always be your friend", so I replied to the hand written letter with an SMS saying: "Thanks a bunch, it means a lot to me, I might be out of line saying this but I think you're a very sweet person and pretty cute, do you mean hang out like just the two of us? Like go out to dinner sorta hang out?" and then in the message I asked her "Are you on Facebook?".
About a minute later, she hands me (well, smuggles me) another handwritten piece of paper that says "Facebook - (her FB details)".
Now, that is a sure sign that she is keen, no? Sorry I just haven't been single since I was 19 and feel rather out of my comfort zone. Jess was my first proper partner and and the only person I had ever fallen in love with, and my first proper sexual partner (prior to Jess, from 16-19, I had a couple of one night stands and a short-term "relationship" but didn't really know what I was doing - I presume the break up of your "first and only true love" is the toughest, I am having good days and bad days or good days that turn bad then go back to good again.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
She outright told me on the phone yesterday, before she hung up, that if I was reasonable then she promised that she would call me but suggested that we need a bit of time apart, some distance, before we can be friends.
I have heaps more I could write about our relationship, but I suppose it is no longer relevant - actually, perhaps some of it is.
What do you all think about this whole mangled bicycle accident?
It's been nearly 2 months now since we "officially broke up and became just friends".
Ash.
Well, it's been about 9 weeks now since I've had any contact with her whatsoever, though I have been sending messages to her new boyfriend (he used to buy speed off of us from time to time a few years ago, and always had a little crush on her - though she would always laugh about it and poke fun at him with me after he left: calling him the "Ginger Ninja" and we'd have a good old giggle together and little things like that.
So, anyway after countless messages and phone calls to this guy (let's call him J), him saying he was passing my messsages on and every time I called he would say Jess wasn't there. I stopped with the calls and the texts a few weeks ago, as I didn't want to seem like the "desperate ex-boyfriend type" but a couple days ago I finally managed to get five minutes on the phone with her after he answered and gruffly asked "What do you want?", I said "Put Jess on the phone!" and he did. She sounded very worked up, annoyed, and I told her that I missed her and she sarcastically said "Oh, you missed me?" I asked her why she hadn't contacted me and she basically said that she thought that I would just try and manipulate her back into a relationship with me and want her back. I said "I don't want you back!" and she was shocked and said "Good, you're being reasonable for a change".
Now does this justify her lack of integrity and dishonesty in doing what she did. Does it excuse that being a weak act? Because she felt terrible about it and didn't want me to get hurt more by having to reject me if I came back trying to get her back? She thought I would be out of control, unreasonable, I mean - but I told her I didn't have a problem with it as we had established that we were just friends and that when she asked me a few days before she became uncontactable and ran off with J if it was okay if her and J were friends.
On that same day, she said to me "Do you promise that we will always be best friends? Regardless of whether you (me) finds a wife or I (her) find a husband?" and I said of course and that I would always care for her. At this point, we both knew that Jamie had a crush on her and when I asked her if she had a crush on him, she told me that she didn't. I get the impression that she was trying to avoid hurting me - am on the right path there? However, when I asked her about that and proposed to her that she lied about that she defended that by saying that at that point she didn't have a crush on him, that didn't come until she had spent a bit of time with him alone. She said "Sometimes these things just happen" - and I can relate to that, because that is what happened when her and I fell in love 6 years ago on February 24 (our anniversary is coming up - oh, great..). My point is I think they have fallen in love. She said she was happy and healthy and that J had her best interests at heart and was helping her get into a detox unit.
The next question I asked was, When I asked you "Would you tell me before you had sex with someone else?", you replied "Of course I would! And I would expect you to do the same! We've been together for so long." - So when I asked her "So, why didn't you tell me before you fucked J?! Didn't I deserve that courtesy?! I mean, you gave your last boyfriend a 3 month deadline before we started screwing and you HATED him, yet we're apparently best friends and you didn't even bother to tell me?" I carried on saying how it was cruel and cold, but I don't know how much she heard because she HUNG UP..
I am still not interested in "falling in love" again, I am terribly lonely so I guess that's why that thought keeps nagging at me. Funnily enough though, about an hour after this conversation I had with Jess. I bumped into a girl, we exchanged numbers, and she sent a text message saying that "I was pretty handsome", asking me if I would like to hang out some time for drinks or alternative poison! And the night prior to that, I was at one of my speed dealer's houses, he's in the kitchen and his sister (who I know, not really well, but well enough) on the sly, passed me a note saying "Any time you want to catch up just call me 04******, you can ring me any time, if you want to catch up and hang out, I'll always be your friend", so I replied to the hand written letter with an SMS saying: "Thanks a bunch, it means a lot to me, I might be out of line saying this but I think you're a very sweet person and pretty cute, do you mean hang out like just the two of us? Like go out to dinner sorta hang out?" and then in the message I asked her "Are you on Facebook?".
About a minute later, she hands me (well, smuggles me) another handwritten piece of paper that says "Facebook - (her FB details)".
Now, that is a sure sign that she is keen, no? Sorry I just haven't been single since I was 19 and feel rather out of my comfort zone. Jess was my first proper partner and and the only person I had ever fallen in love with, and my first proper sexual partner (prior to Jess, from 16-19, I had a couple of one night stands and a short-term "relationship" but didn't really know what I was doing - I presume the break up of your "first and only true love" is the toughest, I am having good days and bad days or good days that turn bad then go back to good again.
She outright told me on the phone yesterday, before she hung up, that if I was reasonable then she promised that she would call me but suggested that we need a bit of time apart, some distance, before we can be friends.
I have heaps more I could write about our relationship, but I suppose it is no longer relevant - actually, perhaps some of it is.
What do you all think about this whole mangled bicycle accident?
It's been nearly 2 months now since we "officially broke up and became just friends".
Ash.
Whilst I totally appreciate where you are coming from and wanting to know all the details of them together etc, I can say from experience the best thing to do is to try not to obsess over it and move on.. easier said than done!
But distract yourself by taking one of those cuties on a date, enjoy the single life and have some adult single fun! By the way giving you her number and facebook details = definitely into yu..
It sounds like J ess has messed you around and you don't need the complication of her in your life right now. And she is telling you herself that youse need time apart. I know it hurts and its painful, but time truly heals all. That and getting laid by a lovely lady
But distract yourself by taking one of those cuties on a date, enjoy the single life and have some adult single fun! By the way giving you her number and facebook details = definitely into yu..
It sounds like J ess has messed you around and you don't need the complication of her in your life right now. And she is telling you herself that youse need time apart. I know it hurts and its painful, but time truly heals all. That and getting laid by a lovely lady
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
^I agree with this.
I know how horribly difficult it is to cut all ties with your ex at first, but it really is for the best. There's no reason the two of you can't become good friends somewhere down the line, but right after a break-up is just not a good idea. It's going to end up hurting you more, give you false hope and make it so much harder for you to move on.
When my first real boyfriend (only guy I ever loved so far, blablabla) I'd been with for almost 3 years broke up with me it was absolutely devastating and I felt like if I continued to talk to him a lot, I was still holding on to a semblance of a relationship with him...but in retrospect I can assure you it just ended up hurting me more. After a few months we eventually just sort of drifted apart and stopped talking to each other, it was hard at first but things started to get so much easier after that because it's at that moment that I started to really get on with my life.
You really need a clean break from this girl before you can even start considering being friends with her. Focus on yourself for a bit, take one of those other girls out (and yes, it's pretty obvious your dealer's sister is interested) and you'll realize life can be just as good without your ex
I know how horribly difficult it is to cut all ties with your ex at first, but it really is for the best. There's no reason the two of you can't become good friends somewhere down the line, but right after a break-up is just not a good idea. It's going to end up hurting you more, give you false hope and make it so much harder for you to move on.
When my first real boyfriend (only guy I ever loved so far, blablabla) I'd been with for almost 3 years broke up with me it was absolutely devastating and I felt like if I continued to talk to him a lot, I was still holding on to a semblance of a relationship with him...but in retrospect I can assure you it just ended up hurting me more. After a few months we eventually just sort of drifted apart and stopped talking to each other, it was hard at first but things started to get so much easier after that because it's at that moment that I started to really get on with my life.
You really need a clean break from this girl before you can even start considering being friends with her. Focus on yourself for a bit, take one of those other girls out (and yes, it's pretty obvious your dealer's sister is interested) and you'll realize life can be just as good without your ex
Belisarius
Bluelighter
This. I broke up with my last girlfriend two years ago, and it's still everything to push thoughts of her out of my mind when I pass her exit, or consider dropping a short e-mail to see how things are.
AbsintheKittie
Bluelighter
My Best friend ( besides my current partner) Is my ex.. we were together for 7 years and had two kids together.. It hurts for awhile.. but if you really want it too work you will find a way..