Ashley
Bluelight Crew
Is it feasible to remain best friends with my ex-fiance of 6 years? Because at the moment it just feels too damn painful.
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
Remaining Friends with Ex-Partner
- Thread starter Ashley
- Start date
is it feasible? absolutely.Is it feasible to remain best friends with my ex-fiance of 6 years? Because at the moment it just feels too damn painful.
A.
cheerio is right - it may simply be too painful right now and it sounds as if you are nowhere near healed enough to consider this. that will take time.
also, i find some people want to try to be friends to take the edge off of a painful dumping. that's only going to cause more pain in the long run, in my experience.
alasdair
Ashley
Bluelight Crew
I feel like I have just been shot out of a rocket fueled with 6 years of true love, sex, drugs and absolute chaos resulting in the eventual collapse of something that was and could have been magical. I shall take my heroin addiction and wander off into the shadows now, methinks.
Thanks for your responses.
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Thanks for your responses.
A.
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
Yeah, I've never managed it immediately. Maybe once you've both truly moved on and can actually see each other as friends, but for now it's definitely not a good idea to try - it'll just drag the break-up out and make it all the more painful. I know at the moment you feel you need to find any way to still see him but it's really better to cut off any sorts of contact for a few months (at least) before even considering friendship I think.
I block their Facebook, block their numbers, and never speak to them again pretty much. they are called ex's for a reason. the past is the past.
footscrazy
Bluelight Crew
I'm so sorry to hear this Ashley 
I think it is possible to stay friends, yes. Right now though, maybe you do need some time apart, simply because, as you said, it's so painful for you. You've spent 6 years together and I know there's a lot of love between you guys. I know she cares a lot for you. You've been through a lot these past months, and I think maybe what she's asking for, is some time herself, to figure things out, to recover from some hard things that have happened recently. It's so hard to end something that was so close, when you know each other so well. It's hard for the person doing the break up, too! I don't know whether she asked to be friends or you did, but I really think the best gift you can give each other is to take some time off, for yourself (both of you). Things haven't been perfect for you guys, so perhaps you could use the time to work on those things, to make it a time to do all the things you need to to present your best possible self to each other the next time you see each other. I think it would be so hard to get objectivity right now, when there's so much pain involved. In a few months time, if you met again after taking time for yourselves, I think you'd be in a much better place to decide what your best future together is.
All the best Ash, I'm not on msn so much anymore but please feel free to call/text any time, I mean that
I think it is possible to stay friends, yes. Right now though, maybe you do need some time apart, simply because, as you said, it's so painful for you. You've spent 6 years together and I know there's a lot of love between you guys. I know she cares a lot for you. You've been through a lot these past months, and I think maybe what she's asking for, is some time herself, to figure things out, to recover from some hard things that have happened recently. It's so hard to end something that was so close, when you know each other so well. It's hard for the person doing the break up, too! I don't know whether she asked to be friends or you did, but I really think the best gift you can give each other is to take some time off, for yourself (both of you). Things haven't been perfect for you guys, so perhaps you could use the time to work on those things, to make it a time to do all the things you need to to present your best possible self to each other the next time you see each other. I think it would be so hard to get objectivity right now, when there's so much pain involved. In a few months time, if you met again after taking time for yourselves, I think you'd be in a much better place to decide what your best future together is.
All the best Ash, I'm not on msn so much anymore but please feel free to call/text any time, I mean that
psytaco
Bluelighter
I guess it depends alot on the context of the break up.
In one of my relationships I stayed good friends with the girl because the break up was a relatively good one (ie. just feel out of love).
The last one, doubt i could be friends with her, even though she would like it and sometimes I think i would too. but there was cheating involved in that one and I don't really get anything positive out of talking to her anymore.
Anyway, what i would do is work at getting over the shitty feelings that are going to come from a break up. Once you feel better (and it will take a while) then if you still want you can try having a friendship. Just be prepared if you still have feelings for her that it may result in more heartache. Sometimes cutting off contact completely is the best thing.
In one of my relationships I stayed good friends with the girl because the break up was a relatively good one (ie. just feel out of love).
The last one, doubt i could be friends with her, even though she would like it and sometimes I think i would too. but there was cheating involved in that one and I don't really get anything positive out of talking to her anymore.
Anyway, what i would do is work at getting over the shitty feelings that are going to come from a break up. Once you feel better (and it will take a while) then if you still want you can try having a friendship. Just be prepared if you still have feelings for her that it may result in more heartache. Sometimes cutting off contact completely is the best thing.
Lysis
Bluelighter
I'm really sorry Ashley. . You gotta give yourself time to breathe and heal. The length of time is dependent on you and there is nothing wrong with cutting someone completely out to avoid pain for yourself.
. You gotta give yourself time to breathe and heal. The length of time is dependent on you and there is nothing wrong with cutting someone completely out to avoid pain for yourself.
sconnie420
Ex-Bluelighter
I couldn't do it. Sorry 4 what you're going through.
B1tO'RoughJack
Bluelighter
When did you break up? You need time to reintegrate into yourself - back to autonomy, the right amount of space between you 2 for healing emotional wounds, before you can do it.
Yes of course it is possible, and if you truly loved them, it makes sense to. I personally stay friends with all my exes after we break up - it takes a few years to get back a lot of trust and rapport etc, but yeah - it's best for getting rid of negative feelings, to remain friends if possible...acquaintances at teh very least.
Yes of course it is possible, and if you truly loved them, it makes sense to. I personally stay friends with all my exes after we break up - it takes a few years to get back a lot of trust and rapport etc, but yeah - it's best for getting rid of negative feelings, to remain friends if possible...acquaintances at teh very least.
pofacedhoe
Bluelight Crew
divorced but best friends
22 years ago my wife of 25 years divorced me. We remain very good friends and in fact still have a joint bank account with my money in it, she is completely trustworthy with money. After two or three boyfriends, (the last one was very devoted but has died, leaving her his house) she is to be married next March and I am invited to the wedding. I will go if possible, though it's 8,000 miles away.
Is it feasible to remain best friends with my ex-fiance of 6 years? Because at the moment it just feels too damn painful.
A.
22 years ago my wife of 25 years divorced me. We remain very good friends and in fact still have a joint bank account with my money in it, she is completely trustworthy with money. After two or three boyfriends, (the last one was very devoted but has died, leaving her his house) she is to be married next March and I am invited to the wedding. I will go if possible, though it's 8,000 miles away.
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Pagey
Bluelight Crew
^Good for you for dealing so well with her getting married again...that's impressive.
Mr.Scagnattie
Bluelighter
You got divorced after 25 years? Rough shit. That's a long time to be with one person and then have to start over.
B1tO'RoughJack
Bluelighter
well done CLam! Kudos indeed, going to the wedding sounds like a nice bit of closure. Better you than me.
MrS^ it's definitely a long time, but hey, 2012 is a turning point for massive change.
MrS^ it's definitely a long time, but hey, 2012 is a turning point for massive change.
BlueHues
Bluelighter
My girlfriend of 5 years just dumped me and we're still living together and hanging out so it doesn't seem real to me yet! I've never had a relationship this long before, so I know I'm in for a painful, confusing ride...As long as she doesn't start "seeing other people" I can be okay with it, but her hooking up with another dude would be the dagger for me!
To the OP: Getting all mushy and telling them how much you love them and how your gonna miss their smile and all that, really just makes you look more pathetic....It's really hard not to do, but it seems to make things worse, you can't force feelings....the way that I am, I could wallow and let this really drag me down, but I'm not gonna let that happen! Easier said than done I guess...
To the OP: Getting all mushy and telling them how much you love them and how your gonna miss their smile and all that, really just makes you look more pathetic....It's really hard not to do, but it seems to make things worse, you can't force feelings....the way that I am, I could wallow and let this really drag me down, but I'm not gonna let that happen! Easier said than done I guess...
It's tough Ash. I want more than anything to be able to be friends with my ex but I don't think she will ever see things that way. As Serotonin pointed out some people have to wipe their former partners from everything. Give it some time & see what happens. Six years is a long time to share together.