TDS Relationship issues leading back to severe depression .

[PeacePipeChief]

i havent posted in ages cause i just stopped using bluelight when i moved back to sydney , anyway i was talking to this girl on facebook mostly the whole time i was in QLD , id hung out with her a few times before i left then when i did leave she told me a few weeks later that she wanted to fuck me , so we started talking regularly and found we liked eachother alot .

we stopped talking for a while after talking for about 4 months every day over the internet because she got a boyfriend and it hurt me alot so i just stopped communicating with her . 2 days before i left QLD i messaged all my old mates saying im coming back to syd including her and at the same time i told a friend who shed fucked with that we had feelings for eachother and hes basically hated me ever since because she fucked with his head so bad then found out we were hiding this 'secret' .

the day after i told her i was moving back she broke up with her boyfriend so she could get with me which i thought was a great thing at the time since then weve been seeing eachother for about 4 months and actually been togeather for about 2 , practically as soon as she became my girlfriend i started getting really paranoid about her , starting with the fact that her previous relationship she just walked out on because i was coming back ... what if she does that to me . it makes me think theres probably someone else she has feelings for and is just being with me in the meantime till theyre available . she also always dissapears to this guys house where heaps of her mates hang out and smoke shard but i kno from my mates who visit there that she does nothing there but she stays there alot and who knows if shes fuckin someone or smokin (were both ex ice addicts) sometimes she stays there for days without calling and i can never call her cause theres no reception and when that happens i get extremely depressed because i dont kno what our status is like whether shes already decided to ditch me and fuck other people or whatever . but ever more recently i get depressed even around her because of her bipolar shes always flipping and confusing me and shit idk wtf to do . shes trying meds but theyre putting her on seroquel and if shes all zombie like then thatll just be depressing as fuck anyway .

she always trys really hard to reassure me that theres no one else and that shed never cheat etc but i kno her pretty well now and 2 of my mates who i hardly talk to anymore kno her well too and she lies about stuff and lies well . she has manic depression and manic bipolar so shes always flippin her shit at me for absolutely no reason every couple of minutes or hours and when she smokes pot she becomes really manipulative and hard to be around .

we get in fights pretty often because im an alcoholic and start accusing her of shit when i get really drunk like cheating on me and i come up with all these logical reasons in my head which are probs just bs then i cant remember them in the morning . it takes a toll on our relationship but i also say alot of shit i mean to say as well . but the other night we were drinking and i looked at her phone and shed been planning on going on a road trip to brisbane overnight with this guy she always hangs out with who i know is sleezy as fuck and people talk shit about him behind his back about the fact he goes for anything especially underage girls . im basically really suspicious about her because i know shell lie if she does something wrong and wont tell me until shes breaking up with me that theres someone else or something and i dont know if these feelings are ever gonna go away or if ill ever be able to trust her , i just need some advice .. if u read all of this bullshit then thanks its appreciated .

 

[Ferox]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I've been in a bit of a situation like yours before. Was with a girl who had a boyfriend, we were messing around and developed feelings for each other, but she didn't want to leave her boyfriend. I was ok with that, but she then slept with one of my friends, which led me to get upset (ironic, eh??), but I soon began to realize I was attracted to the excitement of all of it. It was fun not knowing where she was or what she was doing, even if it ate me up inside and pissed me off. That went on a few months before I finally realized how destructive my behavior was.

It may hurt you very much at first, but I think the only logical choice to make is to leave her. It doesn't sound like a healthy situation to be in and if you have such little trust for her already, I don't think it's going to get any better.

Which ever decision you choose to make, I hope you can find some peace with it!

 

[fifleman]

PeacePipeChief:

I think a lot of times, we already know the answer and even verbalize it without realizing it. If we just listen to ourselves. Your thread title is your enlightenment: "Relationship issues leading back to severe depression".

If I want to rise above suffering, I must find the source of my suffering. I was in a toxic, six-year relationship that sounds a lot like what you had typed. The cause of my internal and external suffering? The relationship.

A lot of what you typed is unnecessary details, things that only layer themselves upon the truth. The further you analyze, the quicker you lose yourself. I encourage you to read that title over and over again. If this relationship is the cause of your suffering, will you choose to consciously suffer or consciously rise above?

By rising above you detach from feelings garnered by the relationship or what you thought you had. By rising above you say "this is not for me". By rising above, you will, in time, satisfy your body, mind, and soul to a point where suffering is optional and the rational choice is to rise above it.

I realize this may all seem easier said than done, but it is not. It is easy because it is easy. It requires conscious effort on your part. It requires rising above human-made drama and unnecessary details. It requires seeing the truth. You spoke a lot of truth in your message, but chances are you haven't listened to yourself.

Again, I am not a professional, but I went through six and one half years of a toxic relationship that was ground-shattering on every level. I still love the one, but I practice all that I preached above. For me, it works.

I enlighten you to this. You have the choice to suffer or not suffer by cutting or not cutting the source of frustration from your life. What will you choose?

 

[PeacePipeChief]

thanks for the relpies , i really dont kno what to do i was sitting next to her asleep typing these things then she woke up we argued for a bit then everything was sweet we had sex now everythings sweet ... thanks alot for the advice and i think ill be making my choice soon .