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Relationship breakdown after excessive MDMA use

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FlogThatDeadDonkey

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Jul 7, 2013
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Hi all. I've just registered to post this. Its 3 in the morning and I'm writing it on my phone so please excuse poor punctuation, typos and general rambling. I also apologise that it's going to be pretty long so thank you in advance anyone who makes it through and replies.

I should start off by saying that I'm not really sure if I'm asking anything or just looking for reassurance that this will get better. I've done a fair bit of reading but really feel like I need to spill my guts onto the intertron for some reassurance or advice.

Brief history: my MDMA / ecstacy use is very limited. I'm 35, took my first pill about 4 years ago at a party. Then, A year ago I had a few pills over a few days at festival with my gf. I found that I got diminishing returns and the last night I didn't really come up at all.
Over the last year I had MDMA on 3 further occasions: 1 lovely and magic (bomb from a friend), the other was no come up at all, just awake a n a bit speedy (a few dabs, maybe a week or 2 after the previous roll).

The third time was last weekend, which is what has caused the problem.

Going to Glastonbury with the same gf. We live together in a house we own, have a pretty awesome relationship besides the usual odd bickering and I'm basically set on spending my days with her. In summary: strong relationship.

We deliver idea that we'd like to get some MDMA to enjoy over glastonbury so bought 3g between us from a dealer who is trusted and used regularly by a mutual friend. It was pretty dark grey and a mix of powder/fine crystals and lumps up to 3mm across.

Before I go on, I'd like to say that I know now that a lot of the Shit I did was really Fucking stupid. Lessons have been learned.

Thursday: we have a few small bombs and a few dabs. I am pretty high with all the usual side effects in abundance and feeling fairly magic. Use about 2/3 of a gram. Was doing some light to medium drinking of alcohol too.

Friday: attempted to recreate the first night, similar doses. I was awake but minimal side effects and minimal, if any, magic. Some booze too, not much )

Saturday: decided to try to rectify the previous night so made a monster bomb each. Seriously big. Didn't touch the sides for me, pretty much nothing, so decided to mega dab my way to a high and eventually got pretty mashed but then we finished the last of the supply that we took. That last night we had about a gram and a third between us and I had disproportionately more of it. Yes, stupid.
Lots of chewing that night. Medium level of drinking.

Sunday: scored 4 blue pills from a dealer we found. Believed to be MDMA/ecstacy but who knows. Took both (about 45 mins apart, I usually come up fairly quickly) and felt very very little come up but did have mega dry mouth. (gf was fairly high but was also very drunk) Found another dealer for 6 white pills. I had 4 over the next couple of hours. Didn't come up at all. At 5 in the morning it's light a d I was still intent on getting high but thankfully didn't score anything else.

Barely slept (surprisingly!), got coach home and crashed out in bed that evening.

This week has been very bad physically. Both had constant nausea/vertigo motion sickness. Its now Saturday and we're still feeling it. I've not vomited since Tuesday but gf has been most mornings.

Emotions are out of kilter. Overwhelming feeling of crying over tiniest things (e. G. cartoons) . Feeling very flat etc. Just been keeping my head down.

However, I've just come back from a wedding reception with my gf and we've had a massive row in which she's said some really hurtful things, and that I've been hell over the past week, I just try to make her unhappy, all sorts of Shit. I've been trying to tell her that most likely our brains are ruined from last weekend but basically we almost broke up tonight. Its left me feeling very low and completely unable to cope with arguments like this.

I think the answer is to both ride it out until the depression passes and we're balanced etc, but Fuck me, I don't know if I can cope.

Does anyone have any advice eon how they've dealt with comedown related relationship woes, how long this might last, what we can do to rebalanced as quickly as poss etc?

I know you could write an essay on how we did the drugs WRONG, I've learnt many lessons about healthy gaps, NOT rolling on consecutive nights, re-dosing on the same night etc. For now I just want to know how to stop my life breaking to pieces until we recover.

Sorry for the rambling, guys. Hopefully it's not all just nonsense.

Tl;Dr Took a Shit load of MDMA and unknown pills over 4 days and now having major relationship problems as a result of post rolling flatness/depression.
 
i'd apologize for what I did wrong in a sentimental way like writing her a very sweet note and telling her to read about it and reflect on it and i'd be good to her but i'd keep my space at the sametime. just stay late at work, go to the gym or work on a personal goal in the meantime, or hang with your friends. Putting a little space between me and my partner when things have been going rough generally has worked for me.
 
Oh dear.

Write down a list; where you have screwed up and where you can correct things.

Correct things where you can and apologise to your Mrs, she's your princess after all.


You should only roll maximum once a month for your brain to replenish its serotonin; also use pillreports as a point of slight reference but always every single time 100% TEST EVERY SINGLE BISCUIT YOU ARE INTENDING TO CONSUME.


Eat heaps of bananas and stock up on every multivitamin that you have around the house, little things like these help.
 
I'm amazed that's the most of your problems given the amount of MD + Unknown shite your stuffed down your gob!
 
It's just the overload of mega drugs that you guys did.

To sum it up for everyone who doesn't want to read the OP (inexperienced user):
Thurs: 2/3g of "MDMA from trusted dealer" + booze
Fri: 2/3g (same stuff) + booze
Sat: 1g + 1/3g + booze
Sun: 4 blue pills + 6 white pills

It's going to take WEEKS for you guys to feel better so get yo 5-htp and relax. It's just the drugs, she's just feeling horrible and blames you. It'll pass. Don't worry--try not to feed into her bitchy words.
 
Im guessing the recovery for this could take anywhere from a few weeks to possibly months. But the good news is that time heals everything. I was in a similar situation last september where i had rolled 3 times in a week span and went back to back days at the end. Each time i did 2-3 points, and on the 2nd day of back to back rolls I bombed 5 doses of some "acid." After a bit of research I narrowed it down to likely be DOB, since the effects lasted just around 48 hours. I didnt sleep all weekend, and drank too during this time. While my problem was the result of ignorance rather than inexperience, I sure learned a lot from it. Ive seen much improvement but I am still improving a good 9-10 months later (though the comedown issues set in 3 months after the experience).

Basically, Im just trying to put in perspective how my fuck up could have been just as bad, if not more severe than yours, as I am pretty sure I almost died because I had what seems like a NDE in the ICU. The beauty of everything though, is that time heals everything. Just stay away from ALL drugs, see a therapist, exercise, eat well, and a big help for me was to sit out in the sun. If possible, go for walks, or simply try to occupy your mind with ANYTHING other than putting yourself in that constant loop of depression/anxiety, as that can only make things significantly worse. Maybe try to see therapists, as talking about your problems may just help you significantly. Make sure to be honest about what you did and how you feel, so you can make progress. Finally, find a hobby or something that you enjoy a lot, and want to pursue as a goal. I found for me that finding a passion in something and putting 100% of my mind and energy towards it helped me a ton to forget about my past decisions and slowly rebound toward a happy, healthy lifestyle.

These are just a few of the things that helped me along the long road to recovery. Your recovery may be longer or shorter than mine, but the best thing you can possibly do is to not over-think everything. Just accept that it will take as long as it will take, and that it WILL get back to normal eventually.
 
People in long term relationships typically have a higher amount of Prolactin (love hormone) than singles. If that couple breaks up, their prolactin levels will as well... sometimes that can come first.


Just common sense really, too much love drains your levels of love abuse
 
This is a good thread i bookmarked it
OP your tolerance must be too high. I heard one person say it only takes 2 months for tolerance to go completely down
 
It amazing how many people think MDMA is a drug like coke, weed, heroin, ketamine etc. that you can just do more and more of it everyday and feel it more and more everytime.......people never stop and thing that "hey maybe all drugs ARE NOT the same and do not work like that"

I don't know if pppl think they are getting a tolerance or what....it just shows how much people pump drugs into their body having absolutely no clue how they work and what the are.....and we wonder why they are illegal.
 
When I first started doing MDMA I had started with my ex-girlfriend. We'd do it every month, but we were both genetically prone to depression/anxiety, so 1 month breaks were no where near adequate like I thought it was. Our relationship eventually ended due to my anxiousness and her neuroticism. I thought my anxiety in the relationship was mostly because of my genetic pre-disposition, but I've come to realize that we were doing way too much MDMA.

It was a great lesson for myself, albeit slightly disappointed of how it was taught, and I am now using MDMA every 3-4 months. My use is also limited by university as it impairs my ability to function academically.

It will take time for you and your significant other to return to baseline. Try to develop a mutual understanding that it was the drug that is currently causing distress in your relationship. Remind each other how great things were before you two started taking MDMA. Understand that how you feel about each other right now is not how you truly feel. Your neurochemistry is not at baseline and how you behave/feel is not reflective of your true self. Get through this together and you two will grow as individuals and as a couple.
 
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