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Relapsed:/

Oxy_Ghost

Oxy_Ghost

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Dec 17, 2013
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Hello everyone, long time no see

Well I ended up relapsing...I got clean back in march of this year and stayed clean for around 3 months. My life seemed like more hell than when I was using. Mentally I was a wreck, the depression was takin me down and the meds weren't really working, my gf of over 6 years had left me, it sucked. Me and my ex decided to be friends, we went to a movie one night and decided to get a pill.

After a while we got back together and things started to get better besides the fact that we were using again, it wasn't a heavy use like before, just every now and then. I started feeling better mostly because we were back together and I know that was the root of my depression. But things started to go down hill and now we're both in more trouble than we've ever been. It started with the pills and then the heroin then started shooting up again and stealing. I'm being charged with Felony Uttering a Forged Instrument and Misedeanor Larceny and she's being charged with Felony Forgery, our court date is next month. Plus DSS is still on our case but they may go away within the next couple weeks.

But on the brighter side, we're both almost a week clean. She has moved out with her mom to SC for a while to better herself in a more controlled environment. I'm sick of doing this, its just getting worse every time. Just need some more support, my parents are about fed up with me, one of my aunts actually threatened to shoot me. The only ones that haven't made me the black sheep of the family are two of my cousins cuz they went through the exact same thing. So they're like the only ones I got other than my gf but she's 4 hours away and done know exactly when she's coming back
 
im guess your pretty young? like around 20? but ya every time it gets worse ive been to 9 rehabs and hepc and blah ablah homeless etc.....its a a very complex addiction and it just comes to a point where u are done.....

and it may take a long time....TBPH.....i wish you the best....as i am on methadone now ...not where i want to be but its where i have to be i suppose
 
I'll be 24 in a couple months. I've never been to a rehab. When I quit, I did it cold turkey at home and doing exactly that this time. I have no intentions on doing IOP(again), rehab, detox, anything. I wanna get clean and leave the state. I wanna leave here and start over with me and my gf. We have a daughter together but have decided to give my parents temporary custody until we get our shit together. If we don't do this than the courts are gonna give my parents guardianship(court date is next week) then we'll never get her back, so temp custody is the best choice cuz honestly we can't take care of her the way we should right now.

Thanks guys
 
3 months is pretty fucking good man. Don't beat yourself up too much this is probably the hardest thing you will do in your whole life. You got to have a good plan if you want to be successful. Try to take what's worked for you during the time you where clean and build on it. I know when I tried to get clean after a month I just felt like I was wrapped up in a ball of depression and anxiety. It like ate at the very core of my being. It sounds like you had some of that going on too. The only time I felt better the whole month was this one day me and some friends went and raced go carts and had a lot of fun. I felt totally normal for a few hours afterwards and actually got 4 hours of sleep that night which was a miracle at the time. Also exercise is key to getting your endorphin system jump started again. But most of all just believe that you will feel better in 6 months than you ever did strung out. You got this man!
 
Congrats on being sober for 3 months. It's not always easy at first, and relapses do happen as it's part of recovery/sobriety. Good luck.
 
Hey FG :)

I'd only thought about you the other day and wondered where you had got to. As others have said, don't run yourself down you tried and from the sounds of it had some success.

Take what you can from this round and use it for the next, it does sound like you've more to deal with than the drugs alone which I doubt is a big surprise to you or many others. IME trying to unpick the tangled knot of the past is a fruitless mission and the triggers for depression run very deep.

I don't know what measure you put in place to try and combat problems with depression whilst you try and get straight and find some distance between you and the drugs you want to free yourself from? whatever, your going to need to try other things to avoid descending into the abyss in the next round.

Much respect to you for fighting on, get these problems with the authorities sorted out and find a better way to live <3
 
Yeah I'd been meaning to stop in but been busy working. But I'm trying not to be hard on myself, it just sucks that I'm probably gonna end up being a felon in a month or so but we paid the bank back and my GF's stepdad talked to a lawyer friend of his and said the case should be dismissed since the bank was paid back, so hopefully it'll work out for the best. I just wanna get out of the state cuz if not than I'll just end up falling back into the drugs again. The only ppl I know here are drug dealers/users. Drugs are getting bad where I live and it's almost impossible to not be around it so I just wanna leave and go where I don't know anyone and start over.

As for depression and anxiety, I stopped taking my meds, I was taking Paxil, and I haven't been depressed or anything in a while. I know it was all because my gf was gone. Even though she's in a different state she's still with me and that's all I want and I'm happy. All I can do now is learn to save my money so I can leave and get a place to live. Living at my parents sucks and it's awkward all the time. I should've got out a long time ago
 
Oxy_Ghost said:
As for depression and anxiety, I stopped taking my meds, I was taking Paxil, and I haven't been depressed or anything in a while. I know it was all because my gf was gone. Even though she's in a different state she's still with me and that's all I want and I'm happy. All I can do now is learn to save my money so I can leave and get a place to live. Living at my parents sucks and it's awkward all the time. I should've got out a long time ago
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Hey OG, ^^ this is kinda what I meant. I'd be pretty sure that if you got yourself sorted out with some stability on your life other things would be easier to cope with. I'm not saying that everything will fall into place as I very much doubt that and annoyingly I can't predict the future ( or I'd get next weeks lottery numbers ;))

It seems likely you'd have a better chance of building a sustainable relationship and life with your GF if you left the opiates alone and got some legal paying work, decent place for you guys to stay etc. Some of this stuff is in your hands, IME removing damaging drug habits makes it easier to see things for what they are and deal with them more effectively.

Don't get caught up in the downward spiral of drug abuse and sadness about the results of drug abuse that lead to....drug abuse... you know this stuff <3 will find a way
 
Allein said:
Hey OG, ^^ this is kinda what I meant. I'd be pretty sure that if you got yourself sorted out with some stability on your life other things would be easier to cope with. I'm not saying that everything will fall into place as I very much doubt that and annoyingly I can't predict the future ( or I'd get next weeks lottery numbers ;))

It seems likely you'd have a better chance of building a sustainable relationship and life with your GF if you left the opiates alone and got some legal paying work, decent place for you guys to stay etc. Some of this stuff is in your hands, IME removing damaging drug habits makes it easier to see things for what they are and deal with them more effectively.

Don't get caught up in the downward spiral of drug abuse and sadness about the results of drug abuse that lead to....drug abuse... you know this stuff <3 will find a way
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Yeah that's true. I do need some stability, most aspects of my life are pretty fucked up right now. I'm being charged with a felony but possibly being dropped to a misdemeanor which will make things a little better, going to court in the morning for DSS, nobody trusts me as far as they could throw me, had one of my own family memebers threaten to shoot me for shit she doesn't even know the truth about...seems like the only good thing with my life is my relationship with my gf.

I do have a legal paying job. When I first got clean back in march I think it was, I started a job at an auto parts store and I've been there ever since. I could use a better job with more hours, I'm looking but it's hard right now. I really feel like leaving NC so I have no drug connections, getting my own place with my gf, having bills to pay ect...will really help me on finally getting out of this once and for all. It just gets worse every time I come back and is very tiring and it's just tearing me away from everyone that cares about me and everyone I care about.
 
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