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Relapsed - Now I am addicted to BENZOS,PHENIBUT,AND OPIATES.

w0w0mg

w0w0mg

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 4, 2015
Messages
848
Location
In Jail, NC
So after being clean from heroin for more than 20 days.. I relapse...
I started doing kratom and xanax to help PAWS..
I ran out of kratom and started having withdrawals again.
I ended up caving into my mental anguish and started taking oxy 5mg about 10 a day..
I now have been doing about 8mg of xanax a day, 3 grams of phenibut a day, 30 to 40mg of oxys a day, and almost a half gram of heroin a day.

What just happened?
I lost to the addiction and now its grip is stronger than ever.
If I stop taking the phenibut I go thru acute anxiety attacks,
I cant stop doing xanax and opiates on top of it.
I have been shooting heroin thru out the day as well.

I feel like I just let so many bluelighters down.
I let myself down.

I cant take this anymore.



HELP ME
 
You did it once so I'm sure you can stop again!
One small step at a time. Can you get medical help? Benzo withdrawal can be dangerous especially with this dose.
Don't lose faith in yourself and I don't think you let anyone down, relapsing is just human. Don't beat yourself up too much because this could lead to doing more drugs and you can't change it anymore. Just focus on quitting.
You can do it!
Wish you all the best :)
 
WoW - I've been keeping an eye out for your posts and been rooting for you to pull through. When you went quiet I feared the worst but I'm glad you have come back to let us know you are OK.

I've never tried anything heavy myself and just happened to stumble across this forum when checking out pill reports - I occasionally take E when I go to clubs/raves, it use to be frequently i.e weekly but if it's 2 times a year now that's heavy! I'm getting old :)

So I don't want to come across as a hypocrite etc because I'm not - I'm being straight up by saying I've never had the pull of addiction like you have, I've never been in your shoes.

But that doesn't mean that I don't feel for you, I can see it from your posts that you truly do have a lot to give to life but you are trapped in a vicious battle.

I've just registered on here to write this message because I feel so drawn to your story and I want you to know people out here do care. The fact you have come back on here means you know yourself that you want to change, you went 20 days which seems to be a major achievement compared to most so you know you have the strength.

I really hope you manage to get yourself straight and look after yourself. People come from nothing to eventually be something, it can happen even when you think you've got nothing left. I really hope it happens to you.

I'll keep rooting for you :)
 
CloverC, you registering just to give me some hope means so much to me.
I have never met so many people that seems to never judge and always shows so much support.
Bluelight is my favorite forum and has helped me so much.
I love all of you and I hope that I will get thru this.
Tomorrow I will be going to attempt doing another cold-turkey attempt.
Wish me luck
 
How long you been doing the xanax for? I would say just drop the xanax if u only been doing it a few weeks. Just keep doing H and stop the other things first. My buddy is in a similar situation to you. He was clean off of everything for about a year. Then he moved back into his folks house and now hes on methadone, shooting up, and on benzos! Actually he just got off the benzos.
 
Glad you are ok. No one here is going to judge you, you sound like you are doing a pretty good job of that yourself . Like said, you did it before, you can do it again, I will quote you, "you got this,mate". But seriously, no one does, all we have is today, here and now. You are not alone, it is a struggle. I am sure you remember me asking you the infamo us question about cravings?? Can you get any subs?? Or depending where you are a methadone clinic?? You worked at getting clean, as hard as it was, but the hardest part is staying clean. You don't want to end up back in prison, kicking?? Right, come on, you are smart, you got h, oxys, what have you, maybe now it's time for even short term subs?? You have alot to offer, be true to yourself, you are a survivor, you can do this, also how about detox inpatient, because with benzo and all, you dont want to be seizing, maybe you could go to local er and they could help you out with inpatient treatment, just a thought, you have your whole life ahead of you, and help is out there, go ask for it, before it sucks you further, fondly, bono
 
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how you going man???
i hope your fresh attempt in getting clean is going well for you.
everything is achievable <3
 
Drop the Xanax and phenubut as soon as possible..the only thing worse than bein dope sick is worrying you are goin to have a seizure from Xanax withdrawal while your dope sick
 
WOW let us know how you are?? You have alot of people who care and want to know that you are ok??
 
Don't beat yourself up over it, it happens to the best of us, hell Im only 18 and I was strung out for months and months on heroin, pills, and insane doses of benzos. Ive managed about 5 months without getting back into a daily h habbit, (albeit I did binge on etizolam for a few weeks). It can be done, if you fail once then try again haha.

Best thing would be to stop the benzos and phenibit cause you really don't want seizures, (if your not already dependant) and try another CT on the heroin once you feel stable from dropping off the other stuff.

There is always suboxone if you make that choice, and it has been a lifesaver for some of my old buddies.


Good luck my friend

-xm
 
Hey every sorry, I had been on a little drug binge the last few days
heroin and xanax.
Last night I decided its time to stop again,

I am not feeling too good right now,,
 
Hey brother, so sorry to hear of the troubles buddy. I've had some slips myself as well which has essentially shamed me from posting much back here. I'm all geared up for another kick attempt starting tomorrow after work though. This one should at least go a bit more smoothly. Staying off the stuff is so fuckin hard man. I'm with ya there. Ya definitely wanna try to nip that benzo hook as safely and quickly as possible. I hated kicking benzos soooooo much. Was a horrible experience so I'm totally empathizing with ya buddy.
 
hey i just wanted to reply to you....cuz when i was 27...i wanted 2 meet kurt cobain

kleinerkiffer said:
You did it once so I'm sure you can stop again!
One small step at a time. Can you get medical help? Benzo withdrawal can be dangerous especially with this dose.
Don't lose faith in yourself and I don't think you let anyone down, relapsing is just human. Don't beat yourself up too much because this could lead to doing more drugs and you can't change it anymore. Just focus on quitting.
You can do it!
Wish you all the best :)
Click to expand...


Ok,
My name is bill, im 31..... and somehow i am still alive after 7 overdoses..... using xanax klonopin heroin adderall booze(lots) ecstasy..lsd...mushroom....g and k on a daily basis..... which was insane. I cannot believe i even had a hookup to get all those for a year. But I started doing everything early....like 14.... started with xanax and weed and alcohol, then every drug under the sun except opiates. Once i took my first vicodin it was over. I got my wisdom teeth pulled and ate all 30 pills in 2 days. 7.5/500.... a long time ago.... i ended up buying 10/325 yellow norcos 30 a day for about 5 years.... i didnt do any other drugs besides xanax everyday cuz i was prescribed, 120 2mg and still am, but opiates ruined my friendships, my relationship with parents, my life for years, and its totally not worth it. I am so lucky my family supported me, and im lucky i have computer skills cuz that is what made me be able to actually be able to pay rent, bills, and eat pills. Then i started shooting heroin. Lost my job of 7 years being a software engineer. Then 2 more years of injecting heroin, with xanax and anything else i could get my hands on. Please just stop. Try subs (subutex) for me worked the best. But i have been told the hospital shot me with 5 doses of narcan and heart medicine to get me awake after overdosing my last time. I spent 7 days in the hospital with about 2 different people a day trying to get me to change my life around. But i was stupid. I woke up and i was still in my jeans....and i had 6 bars in my pocket so i ate em all in the hospital and demanded shots of lorezepam and dilaudid because of slipped discs and my anxiety meds. ANYWAYS, opiates are the devil. Stop now while you can because lucky im still alive..... i got my license back, bought a new car, moved into a new house, got a job doing IT, making great money. and life if fucking great. Just please get rid of the opiates. They lead u to the bottom. I promise. No one can say yea, i do heroin once in a while. Bullshit. If somebody can do that email [email protected]. Cuz its impossible. Just best of luck bro, u got a gf, a good family. Dont do what i did. I regret it everyday. And i am still on 8mg of xanax a day. But that is the consequence of doing drugs for 17 years straight. peace and love.......i will say a prayer for you..... ill stop blabbing....im too tired from work... but good luck..... email me anyways cuz i would like to know how you are doing...... peace
 
this honestly has to be the most interesting post ever

look at how many people care for you already....on a website.....people who dont even know you!!! man ....if i could take back the days of me driving 20 miles to get 60 norcos..... during lunch at work....dropping 300 bux.....eating 30 on the way back.....i would.... get opiates outta your life...and please email me....i want to know that you are ok..... cuz for real....im happy that i am doing ok....but i have a lot hills i still have to climb.... keep me updated.... u are cared for!


kleinerkiffer said:
You did it once so I'm sure you can stop again!
One small step at a time. Can you get medical help? Benzo withdrawal can be dangerous especially with this dose.
Don't lose faith in yourself and I don't think you let anyone down, relapsing is just human. Don't beat yourself up too much because this could lead to doing more drugs and you can't change it anymore. Just focus on quitting.
You can do it!
Wish you all the best :)
Click to expand...
 
w0w0mg said:
So after being clean from heroin for more than 20 days.. I relapse...
I started doing kratom and xanax to help PAWS..
I ran out of kratom and started having withdrawals again.
I ended up caving into my mental anguish and started taking oxy 5mg about 10 a day..
I now have been doing about 8mg of xanax a day, 3 grams of phenibut a day, 30 to 40mg of oxys a day, and almost a half gram of heroin a day.

What just happened?
I lost to the addiction and now its grip is stronger than ever.
If I stop taking the phenibut I go thru acute anxiety attacks,
I cant stop doing xanax and opiates on top of it.
I have been shooting heroin thru out the day as well.

I feel like I just let so many bluelighters down.
I let myself down.

I cant take this anymore.



HELP ME
Click to expand...

Xanax is very dangerous with opiates. My brother in law died of percocet/Xanax od. Even though that was very hard for me and I should b scared to death I've recently added Xanax to my routine. They really kick in the pill buzz and at first we added them bc my bf claimed they kept him from doing more pills. Just an excuse but they can also be dangerous coming off of. I've never had an issue but opiates I have to have. I've tried h on occasions but it's not in my small town. Been addicted to opiates for three years. Used to puke when I did to many now I puke 24 hours into withdrawal.
 
Yesterday was me pouring in sweat and trying to sleep.
today is alot of anxiety and just over all feeling horrible
my nose wont stop running
i feel so bad i want to die
why is it so hard this time
 
Hi Wow I am really glad to see you made it back. Each time I relapsed, I would need more doc,my tolerance went thru roof, so I would have more to detox off of , I'm not sure if that helps you out but looking back, every time I withdrew just kept getting rougher and rougher hope you are hanging in there, like I said been worried about and for ya!! Bono
 
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