trocious
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2010
- Messages
- 80
Well a little background, I was living in a big party town for college. Before spring semester ended, things had gotten bad and I was back to banging heroin every other day to avoid w/d from stopping suboxone and shooting coke/crack frequently too. I stopped for the most part during the summer, but not before fucking up my classes and losing a great job. I did my best to stay clean, went to meetings, but I had a hard time. At the end of August, I relapsed pretty badly and got arrested with coke and needles. The next day I couldn't sleep and was concerned I would have a seizure (felt symptoms, had one in July, barely managed to get to the hospital before I went grand mal), so I had my friend take me to the hospital. They gave me seroquel and I slept, then when they kicked me out the next morning I was too fucked up to walk more than a block so they called the cops. Ironically the same ones that had arrested me the day before were there, searched my backpack and once again found the new set of needles I procured earlier the previous day (after my first arrest). So that was shit, I went to jail for a couple days, and am in the process of dealing with those legal charges.
At the end of that jail stint, I came home to live with my parents. Well, I met this great, beautiful girl about a week into living at home, and we started hanging out then dating a couple weeks later. We had been dating for a little over two months before we broke up.
Anyways, this weekend I started to get moody about who knows what, and decided she was pissing me off, so I got drunk at her house. She refused to let me drive myself home, so she took me, but on the way I had her stop at Walmart. There, I bought 2 bottles of cough syrup and downed them on the ride home. She texted me later that night saying we need to talk cus I can't deal with stuff like this. The next day she sent me a few texts about how she doesn't think we should date right now, and that she can't care for someone who doesn't care about themselves, nor can she expect someone who doesn't care about themselves to care about her. She said she might be open to the idea of dating in the future but right now she wants me to get handle on my shit and get my priorities straight before she'll be a part of my life again.
Of course, I understand totally where she's coming from but it's been hard to swallow. This was Monday when we broke up. We've been texting every day, I mean one day we got into an argument about "I didn't relapse out of nowhere" almost putting it on her and I guess I made her cry. She's texted me that she still loves me and cares about me and misses me, and I do too towards her. It's just hard to be apart and I want to reconcile all this shit that I got us into. I know it's gonna take time until she can trust me to not fuck up and relapse again, and to the point where she doesn't feel like she has to worry about me doing something stupid. I just wish she could understand I'm an addict, and I might fuck up from time to time, but I want to be with her. And maybe next time we could talk about things when I'm having issues in our relationship or with my mood instead of letting it get out of control.
I guess part of this post was just to vent, but I also wouldn't mind any advice or hearing from people that have gone through similar situations. Happy thanksgiving all!! I'm glad bluelight is here, especially the dark side, it's helped a lot to read about what everyone else is going through!
At the end of that jail stint, I came home to live with my parents. Well, I met this great, beautiful girl about a week into living at home, and we started hanging out then dating a couple weeks later. We had been dating for a little over two months before we broke up.
Anyways, this weekend I started to get moody about who knows what, and decided she was pissing me off, so I got drunk at her house. She refused to let me drive myself home, so she took me, but on the way I had her stop at Walmart. There, I bought 2 bottles of cough syrup and downed them on the ride home. She texted me later that night saying we need to talk cus I can't deal with stuff like this. The next day she sent me a few texts about how she doesn't think we should date right now, and that she can't care for someone who doesn't care about themselves, nor can she expect someone who doesn't care about themselves to care about her. She said she might be open to the idea of dating in the future but right now she wants me to get handle on my shit and get my priorities straight before she'll be a part of my life again.
Of course, I understand totally where she's coming from but it's been hard to swallow. This was Monday when we broke up. We've been texting every day, I mean one day we got into an argument about "I didn't relapse out of nowhere" almost putting it on her and I guess I made her cry. She's texted me that she still loves me and cares about me and misses me, and I do too towards her. It's just hard to be apart and I want to reconcile all this shit that I got us into. I know it's gonna take time until she can trust me to not fuck up and relapse again, and to the point where she doesn't feel like she has to worry about me doing something stupid. I just wish she could understand I'm an addict, and I might fuck up from time to time, but I want to be with her. And maybe next time we could talk about things when I'm having issues in our relationship or with my mood instead of letting it get out of control.
I guess part of this post was just to vent, but I also wouldn't mind any advice or hearing from people that have gone through similar situations. Happy thanksgiving all!! I'm glad bluelight is here, especially the dark side, it's helped a lot to read about what everyone else is going through!
