Relapsed (HELP ME PLEASE)

[TheStarOnIR]

Merely just days following The exceedingly prideful, narcissistically pedantic aboveboard descriptive post telling my story ascribing how this addiction auto-piloted me directly into the turbulence we experience as addicts. The sweet serene segue accompanying the fancy "Faux Pas" from Full, found and fixed to the familiar fiendish forever fucked up cadaverous coward unable to operate without a quick fix. The simple daily duties now exacerbated, another additive to sum up the painstaking arduous lifestyle I lived as a result of amphetamine Addiction (Adderall).

I, for whatever reason succumbed into this vindictive vice once again. All of the progress I had made now just pointless. At the speed of light I fall from Peak to Pitfall only now to tally it up as one gargatuas/ colossal loss. The Exponentially high price I had paid now seems all for nothing. Pleasure of my accomplishments are now plowed over by the guilt. I had braved those torturous weeks metamorphosing from the street "J" to Gent only now right back to the initial point. Like some predetermined circulation flow for junkies, no symphony singing sympathy for the pitiful persons suffrage. The unmeasurable day to night crippling pain, physically and mentally I experienced withdrawing from months of dependency clearly couldn't suffice my desire to expunge this motivational mint finally for good!

God I feel so foolish, I was triggered by the very person whom orchestrated the whole rehabilitation process to structure this new and improved "me." I have let myself down, I've let my loved ones down and whomever else effected by this addiction just as many expected, I have let them all down. I'm sitting here peaking as I confess- What have I done! I promised, I swore to my supporters that I was done with ALL realms of Psychostimulants, faced with one arduous night and I'm looking at man embarked on a dark winding road, such a sudden change of course for the worse. I've allowed my mind's mind to convince the mended man it was harmless, just once is fine. Now in a flash ameliorated myself and costly right back where I began.

The contrived cultivation concocted to become a substance with the sheer strength of a Prodigious Man with tremendous masculinity, flawlessly consistent. The forcefulness extrinsically and intrinsically to render powerless a foolish mans effort to subdue the addict within. I feel helpless, hopeless here falling further from finding fixation. The very self that became my salvation just proved itself purposeless, pointless and superfluously incapable of being a sensible man, instead conveying my sickening vulnerability with such vividly devastating results. All of this for what..? Temporary time taken to Eutopia, only to waken in the land of the lotus eaters unable to leave, just left to sit here and rot away in the wrath of this warm Fireball known as a Southern Summer Sun. Only able to blame myself for all of whats transpired, still I cant seem to conquer something so pointless post-pleasure.

The Amphetamine Stream has my raft capsizing in its unforgiving rapids! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!

 

[dopemegently]

First off, that's some stylish prose there, TheStarOnIR, almost reminds me of Hunter S Thompson in a way. Secondly, feeling foolishness or guilt
for cravings is bad shit; if you're an addict, you're going to get cravings. I've lost count of the amount of recovering friends who've destroyed themselves with guilt for "ruining" they're sobriety, and then plunged head first into full-blown addiction. And it's painful to watch, it really is. Let's not call it relapse; let's call it a slip, or a stumble. Relapse is bad, because relapse is guilt. And guilt is poison. I mean it, it will poison your soul, because it's self feeding, and will consume you if you're not careful. So, I'd say just tolerate the lotus eaters, and stop blaming yourself.

 

[tripnotyzm]

Don't beat yourself up too much over this dude..
As a recovering addict, you should know that relapses do happen, and there is not much you can do about it now other than focusing on getting your life back on track.
This mere slip up should not be the thing that destroys you..
After going through the whole dreadful quitting process, one f**k up like this should be looked at as a small speedbump on your road to recovery.
How long did you manage to stay clean for before this incident occurred??
If you need any extra support, you have reached out to a great place.
You should check yourself in to the Septsober - gettn' & stayn' sober thread or the Meth / Amphetamines serious discussion / quitting thread.
Both of those links will direct you to pages crammed with support and advice from many people who are trying to quit, who have already quit, who are dealing with relapse experiences like yourself, and so on..
You've managed to quit before, i believe you have the strength to make it through again

 

[pinpoint]

Not to go OT here but OP, have you ever considered writing as a hobby or career?

I, for whatever reason succumbed into this vindictive vice once again. All of the progress I had made now just pointless. At the speed of light I fall from Peak to Pitfall only now to tally it up as one gargatuas/ colossal loss. The Exponentially high price I had paid now seems all for nothing. Pleasure of my accomplishments are now plowed over by the guilt. I had braved those torturous weeks metamorphosing from the street "J" to Gent only now right back to the initial point. Like some predetermined circulation flow for junkies, no symphony singing sympathy for the pitiful persons suffrage. The unmeasurable day to night crippling pain, physically and mentally I experienced withdrawing from months of dependency clearly couldn't suffice my desire to expunge this motivational mint finally for good!