Relapsed and might be going to jail

[evilthree]

This weekend pressure got to be too much for me. It was already on my mind quite a bit, but I finally took the plunge and relapsed. I'd been feeling really shitty and isolated, and 12 steppers just really did not appeal to me.

The major issue is I'm in a legal bind. I'm on a drug court program, and I get random urines. I knew they weren't calling anyone this morning, so I debated it but finally did it last night. This is NOT a thread on beating tests, I know enough about tests to know outcomes and possibilities. I still struggle with the concept that I can be locked up for what is in my body. After some clean time I realize I can survive without the use of drugs, but I still constantly feel miserable. I thought using would make me feel better, but it was a temporary fix. I felt good for a couple hours, now I feel shitty(physically and mentally). I feel like I can't win. I never reached a real bottom in using, it was always legally enforced(possession charges), and this really contributes to my mindset. I miss drugs, I miss the drug scene, but I'm told if I don't do what the courts say I'm sent to state prison and who knows how long of a probation/parole tail they'll hit me with. I find it to be a major struggle with how addiction is treated as a criminal, not medical/mental issue in this country

 

[Alex000]

It is a shame on how the law is called into matters of addiction and the like. I can understand the frustration. I can't say much on the law aspect, as I do not know so much in that area, however, when you can, if you can, perhaps maintenance therapy would be best if your DOC was opiates. Buprenorphine is excellent as a maintenance drug to help alleviate PAWS, and methadone can be helpful, as well, but it varies from person to person. Again, this is if you are an opiate addict. Otherwise, you might have to ride it out until they stop testing you, accepting life can feel like a bitch. Only other thing I can think of would be a drastic measure, but that would likely do much more harm than good for you and everyone involved.

 

[Missykins]

I never reached a real bottom in using, it was always legally enforced(possession charges), and this really contributes to my mindset. I miss drugs, I miss the drug scene, but I'm told if I don't do what the courts say I'm sent to state prison and who knows how long of a probation/parole tail they'll hit me with. I find it to be a major struggle with how addiction is treated as a criminal, not medical/mental issue in this country

So incarceration is not a "real bottom" for you? What's left?

 

[Allein]

I can;t comment on the US legal system as I live in the UK but it doesn't sound too dissimilar. In order for you to end up in the situation where you are having random tests I'm guessing you've either been caught for possession or caught doing some other crime and been in possession at the time or they have attributed the crime to your drug problem, please correct me if I'm wrong, I often am so I'm kinda used to it.

In the UK there is often a choice given you can choose to go to prison or choose to go on a drug addiction program where they obviously test you for drug use.

I don't agree with prohibition in the form it is currently implemented in the UK but if my assumptions are correct you are only on this testing because of actual crime i.e. possession or related other crime.

You sound like you are suffering from depression which isn't surprising, I don't know which way round it came, you where depressed so you took opiates or you took opiates got addicted and now your life a mess, either way it sounds to me like you'd be better off working on getting off rather than trying to convince yourself that continuing to feed an addiction that you know is going to make your life worse in many ways is the best course of action.

The order of the above is largely irrelevant now, you can only deal with the present, what ever has happened in the past is just that past.

I'm not preaching at you, just offering an objective opinion, it sounds like you desperately need to stop taking drugs before they ruin you.

Best Wishes from the darkness