Relapsed again and I feel like such a failure

[MissAmber520]

I'm addicted to anything mood altering. I have a supportive family, full time job, I'm on parolw, and I have to drop once a week. I just relapsed on meth again yesterday . It was weird though. It's like my mind knew that it was a completely horrible idea but yet I still allowed my old using friend to pick me up. I'm so lost right now. It would literally break my moms heart if I went back to prison for drugs she's put so much time and effort in to being there for me 100%. At this point what do I do? I feel awful and wish I could take it back. It wasn't even fun. It was horrible. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[sliceofcake]

Miss, you can forgive yourself and move forward. That was one time and it's already in the past. Now it's just part of your history like all of the other times your have used. It doesn't much matter that the last time was on one side or the other of the line you drew in the sand.

What matters is how you treat yourself and care for yourself today and in the long term. You want to be clean and you will.

The fact that you want to shows that you have hope for the future and that you are worth it.

You are not a failure; you are working on a huge, challenging goal for your life. It would be great if we did everything perfectly, but that's just not reality for any of us.

 

[Stuck_x]

As much as its easier said than done, try not to beat yourself up as relapse is part of recovery. Be grateful that you havent got any physical dependence issue to deal with now the dead is done, many people cant just do it once.

As the saying goes, 'what she doesnt know won't hurt her' so don't tell your mom. Be grateful that you have her support & try not to do it again. All you can do is your best x

 

[simco]

FWIW, i totally agree with stuck_x. lapses are just part of the deal when we're recovering. it's tempting to treat ourselves cruelly after them (i certainly do... am also trying to get clean). but it's just a stumble. it doesn't undo the good things you've accomplished.

 

[Ruby Slippers]

Okay l agree relapses are a part of recovery and all that. I have relapsed many, many times. Your situation is different. There is no freaking way getting high on meth is worth going back to prison.

 

[Moreaux]

I am sorry you are going through this- relapsed are hard but they are part of addiction and recovery. Consider the events that led up to your relapse and try to find what triggered the relapse. Really analyze it and try to think you how you reacted and felt, and think about how to process that event in a more healthy manner. A bid part of sobriety is learning how to process feelings and cope with stress. Look into cognitive behavioral therapy- it will teach a lot about yourself and how to process emotions and stress. Don't beat yourself up about the relapse - just get back to doing what you need to do and focus on moving forward. Guilt is counterproductive. Good luck!

 

[bobby1978]

Relapses are just a symptom that you're trying to get better, you can't have the relapses without first having the effort, so there's that.

Sorry if that sounded like a cheesy motivational poster, but it is the thought that comes to mind. I've had a ton of relapses, it's (quitting) really been more of a "process" than an "event", if you get my meaning.

Don't give up, you will feel better in time.