I've been away for a month or so, as I've been very busy with life. I just moved out of the halfway house, since my 90 days was up. I've since been searching for places and I found the absolute perfect place! I'm moving in in two days!
I have been doing well, I must say! I did have a MINOR relapse (I would actually call it a "slip").
I bought about half a gram and used it all in one day. It was not worth it. I learned very quickly that dope is just not worth it.
I felt gross as I did the typical meet up with my dealer. My stomach was in knots and I began to panic. I had no where to shoot up. I'm currently couch surfing and didn't want to shoot up in a friend's bathroom. I chose a coffee shop with a large, single bathroom, in uptown. I snuck in through the back, as to avoid paying for a cup of coffee. I took off my back pack, unloaded my gear, and started feeling those old feelings I'd always get, pre-shot. I started to wonder who would find me if I overdosed. I pictured an angry employee knocking for minutes until finally opening the bathroom door with a master key. I pictured the employee's face as she saw me, blue in the face, belt on the ground, next to a bloody syringe that had been dropped from my numb, lifeless hand.
As soon as I got done playing this scenario in my head, I rolled up my sleeve, found the perfect vein, immediately gasped when the crimson bloom formed, and let out a loud sigh as soon as I finished the shot. I closed my eyes and stood up. I looked in the mirror and then packed up my gear. I started to move towards the door, then came to a complete stop. I needed another shot. I wasnt even as high as I should have been. I attribute this to the Suboxone that I had taken about thirty hours prior..or the fact that this dope was NOT as good as it was when I was hooked. I went through the same routine as stated above, and then finally made my way out of the restroom, to find a mad customer who, apparently, had been "knocking for like, five fucking minutes". I never heard a knock.
Heroin just didn't do me right, this time. I have been clean since..and that was the first relapse I've had since quitting heroin. I'm still proud of myself. It would be foolish to claim that I will "NEVER" have a slip/relapse again. The harsh reality is that I am an addict. I am a heroin addict and I am not ashamed of it. I'm making some wonderful improvements in my life, and I really do NOT have time to sit around and get high. I'm about to live with an amazing 30-something year old mother that opened her house to me for the CHEAP as FUCK price of $200/month, because I agreed to babysit her children two days a week, an do some cleaning tasks. I am looking forward to all the great things that will come out of this next adventure I will start in two days! Wish me luck
I have been doing well, I must say! I did have a MINOR relapse (I would actually call it a "slip").
I bought about half a gram and used it all in one day. It was not worth it. I learned very quickly that dope is just not worth it.
I felt gross as I did the typical meet up with my dealer. My stomach was in knots and I began to panic. I had no where to shoot up. I'm currently couch surfing and didn't want to shoot up in a friend's bathroom. I chose a coffee shop with a large, single bathroom, in uptown. I snuck in through the back, as to avoid paying for a cup of coffee. I took off my back pack, unloaded my gear, and started feeling those old feelings I'd always get, pre-shot. I started to wonder who would find me if I overdosed. I pictured an angry employee knocking for minutes until finally opening the bathroom door with a master key. I pictured the employee's face as she saw me, blue in the face, belt on the ground, next to a bloody syringe that had been dropped from my numb, lifeless hand.
As soon as I got done playing this scenario in my head, I rolled up my sleeve, found the perfect vein, immediately gasped when the crimson bloom formed, and let out a loud sigh as soon as I finished the shot. I closed my eyes and stood up. I looked in the mirror and then packed up my gear. I started to move towards the door, then came to a complete stop. I needed another shot. I wasnt even as high as I should have been. I attribute this to the Suboxone that I had taken about thirty hours prior..or the fact that this dope was NOT as good as it was when I was hooked. I went through the same routine as stated above, and then finally made my way out of the restroom, to find a mad customer who, apparently, had been "knocking for like, five fucking minutes". I never heard a knock.
Heroin just didn't do me right, this time. I have been clean since..and that was the first relapse I've had since quitting heroin. I'm still proud of myself. It would be foolish to claim that I will "NEVER" have a slip/relapse again. The harsh reality is that I am an addict. I am a heroin addict and I am not ashamed of it. I'm making some wonderful improvements in my life, and I really do NOT have time to sit around and get high. I'm about to live with an amazing 30-something year old mother that opened her house to me for the CHEAP as FUCK price of $200/month, because I agreed to babysit her children two days a week, an do some cleaning tasks. I am looking forward to all the great things that will come out of this next adventure I will start in two days! Wish me luck
