Relapse and treatment help

[DirtyNoodles]

Hey buddies! I want to start by saying I have been using this site for a few years but made an account today for help from other IV Heroin users. I have seen the knowledge provided is honest and sincere so I thought I would give it a shot Until a month ago I was clean from dope for two years. My ex wife (and junk buddy) has managed to find me twice and the second time I fell into the trap life and started using again. I OD'd in a suicide attempt and managed to survive, my well being and family life however did not. I have traveled a lot and been in my home state too long, I want to move to the south to get away from her. I can stay with my family but they want me to go to treatment again. I did really well and played the game the first time but I ended up leaving because they tried to ring me in for a year when they found out I was doing dope even though I went in on my own accord. I want to get into out patient but I am worried about telling them of my relapse on dope might have me put away for 90 days. I'm a college educated person and am not hopeless, I just found it hard to give a fuck when my life went down the shitter (wage cuts, ex wife etc) Anyways what do my brilliant and experienced users and ex users have to say about the assessment? Do I tell them about my dope relapse? Or do I just say I have been drinking and smoking herb? I am trying to get into outpatient because I believe it will work for me, I also am not above going to inpatient for 30 days. Anything helps, God bless

 

[herbavore]

You need to be completely honest. Addiction feeds on lies. Lying to yourself becomes so normal that lying to others is almost automatic. It sounds to me that you have not really committed to the deeper work necessary to getting off and staying off. If, when life gets hard, it is still your go-to savior, you have more work to do inside. You could go to outpatient or inpatient, a year or a couple of months but if you are not wanting to get to the bottom of your own addictive thinking and behaviors--and willing to do the slow often frustrating work of changing those--it will more than likely "not work". There really is no treatment that can magically work from the outside--it's all internal when you get right down to it.

What is your fear about a long term rehab? Disruption of career? I think it is a red flag that you refer to treatment the first time as "playing the game". I don't think anything can help if you see your participation that way. No matter what the program is like, you have to feel good about it and have faith in both the therapeutic value and your own ability to use whatever it teaches.

 

[JustADudeYep]

What herbavore said. Be totally honest or youre just screwing yourself over. I worked in a treatment facility for a handful of years and we heard it ALL. we saw it all too. Nothing will shock a treatment doc or worker. Also, to really address the issues then they should know everything. I commend you for looking into rehab. Id suggest to search and find a place that you will be totally comfortable with. Ask them about any and all concerns before going somewhere so there are no surprises that make you want to leave.

 

[DirtyNoodles]

I played the game because I went to a Christian facility and am of an other faith. I want the tools to succeed, and not feel like giving up. Honestly I am an Anarchist, and the institution of control goes against everything I believe and is fundamentally flawed, it is my faith and my calling. I don't think smoking weed or drinking are wrong, dope is. This is more of a depression issue and I have never gotten help for it, I was on pills for a minute but no one has ever talked to me about it and I don't blame them. It would be nice to have a support group and some friends who need me like I need them.

 

[cj]

I played the game because I went to a Christian facility and am of an other faith. I want the tools to succeed, and not feel like giving up. Honestly I am an Anarchist, and the institution of control goes against everything I believe and is fundamentally flawed, it is my faith and my calling. I don't think smoking weed or drinking are wrong, dope is. This is more of a depression issue and I have never gotten help for it, I was on pills for a minute but no one has ever talked to me about it and I don't blame them. It would be nice to have a support group and some friends who need me like I need them.

I can relate to a lot of that. I think you might be better off not at an inpatient facility. Maybe you should try a geographical cure with some NA/AA/smart meetings mixed with some individual counseling? I know for me personally having a bunch of losers tell me when to eat/sleep/shit was a major turnoff and made me want to use out of pure spite.