Opioids Relapse after 8 days - am I going to wd???

[WantItToEnd]

I fucked up and I'm ashamed of myself.

I've been battling anxiety and depression since I can remember. I've been addicted to 30mgs oxycodone for a little over 2 years. For the first year or so I was doing 1-2 oxy's a day, then it accelerated to 4-7 per day for the last 6-7 months (approximately). I kept getting them and telling myself, "I'm gonna get these and taper myself off and finally kick this." But that's just not how these things work. I finally came clean to my parents because I'm sick of living my life like this and they've been nothing but supportive in helping me get through detoxing. Was clean of oxy for 8 days. This is how my detox went:

Thursday (11/27): last oxy took was @ 9 pm (had 120 mgs that day)
Friday (11/28): took roughly 3 mg's of suboxone @ 8 am
Saturday (11/29): cold turkey - the night was unbearable, couldn't sleep because of excruciating RLS (which is poorly named btw)
Sunday (11/30): pain was too unbearable so I took 2 mg's of suboxone
Monday (12/1): cold turkey- suffered through wd's and slightly less excruciating RLS (took a sick day from work)
Tuesday (12/2): cold turkey- same as monday with a little less excruciating RLS (work sick day)
Wednesday (12/3): cold turkey- body temperature fluctuated but no more RLS, just very weak (work sick day)
Thursday (12/4): cold turkey- body temperature still felt a little off but was the first day I was able to get out of the house and eat solid foods (sick day)
Friday (12/5): even though still weak, went into work for the first time and was anxious as all hell (even though I took about 1 mg of xanax before). Got home from work feeling really down in the dumps and had a feeling of hopelessness. Fought so hard all day to not do anything but cracked. Went and got a 30 mg oxy and took it around 11 pm

I'm so ashamed of myself and feel so guilty. Feel like I let myself and my parents down. Am I going to be put back into wd's again? I do NOT want to go through what I did this past week again and I can't take anymore days off of work. I'm so incredibly nervous that all that hard work I put in was for nothing. I'm also confused on what day I was on of detox. 1) Am I going to withdraw again? Am I going to go back to Day 1? 2) Was I on day 8 of detoxing (the last time I took an oxy) or day 5 (last time I took suboxone)?

I really hope someone replies ASAP because I'm sooooo nervous. I appreciate anybody that reads this or replies me with feedback.

 

[cj]

Well you won't be back square one but your not going to feel good once the oxy wears off. My advice is to get other drugs and try to stay comfortable. For me that means weed and benzos. My buddy swears by Xanax and whiskey. It's personal to you. But the main thing is to give your endigenous opioid system a chance to reach homeostasis. That means no opiates period.

 

[wezface]

^^that

If you do feel shitty you can take like 10mg loperamide (Imodium) and that should help. But yeah, you won't go back to square one.

Keep in mind, however, that the more taking/coming off opiates you do, the more it messes with your brain chemistry. I do this like at least once or twice a week and my brain is fucked.

 

[serotonin2A]

You are really on day 5 because of the suboxone. You may experience some WD but it won't be as severe as day 1.

If you keep relapsing you might want to think about an outpatient detox. They do pretty good 30 day-long detoxes with methadone where they start you on 30 mg and then reduce the dose 1 mg/day. You'll be going down so slow that you won't notice the withdrawal, and it's pretty painless to walk away from 1 mg of methadone if someone hasen't been taking it for a long period. They can also detox you with clonidine, which helps a bit. And of course suboxone is available.