Hi everyone, long story short I just spent 4 years in Thailand most of which as functioning addict-work-relationships-very serious gym bodybuilding hobby which gave a 2nd income training some top guys.
Anyhow my inevitable self destruct system kicked in and my drug use went off the scale-all pharmaceutical not street. I am 40 now so my youth in the UK included street use and of course my bodybuilding lifestyle included steroid use and occasional misuse.
Anyhow now I am back in the UK after a messy end to my great Thai lifestyle and trying to rebuild my life, spent some time in a phychaitric unit and had to go through a close family death upon my return.
Things were nigh on suicidal a few months back but having prior experience of depression I realised what I was feeling going through cold turkey periods would pass.
As a rough guide to my past Thailand use so some experienced members can gauge my recovery options here is rough tally all prescribed/pharmacy purchased.
Daily.
16mg clonazapam
8mg xanax
16mg lorazapam
1000 mg tramadol -20 x 50mg tramadol HCL caps.
60-80 mg ritalin
Also added gabapentin and pregagblin sometimes.
Steroids doses never got too high as my state of mind-diet-training started to suffer however I have always remained and will remain on a slightly than higher HRT/TRT dose as throwing in the added depression of trying to come off testosterone would be catastrophic, also I don't want to now I am training and eating well again...Thank God!
Okay my local rehab team and phychaitrist are great but admit my case is difficult to work with.
So the doctor wanted to address the opiate-tramadol problem first as I have worsened it by CWE codeine everyday but my tramadol use is 200 mg tops now.
A hell .....absolute bell of a unplanned benzo cold turkey luckily took my tolerance down so my current titration taper is :
20 mg diazapam a day for 2 weeks stepping down 2 mg every 2 weeks which I think is very considerate of my doctor.
I told him quitting ritalin as I now take 5-10 mg each day I can do.....I also told him I could quit the tramadol and codeine alone and knew how to taper however he believes this will prove more difficult than I imagine and suggest we may have to use -suboxone. ...This surprised me....well intrigued me to be honest as I am still a addict as I assumed suboxone is only for those on H or oxycodone so I would like user input on this?
Let me disclaim the want-desire to give up drugs is not 100% in me as simply put I still enjoy it in a life function way rather a desire to get fucked up daily although those compulsions still pop up.
So....sometimes I wonder if I will admit defeat.....without even trying to quit my current opiates...just so I can try something new....simply put being a junkie I do not trust myself.
I have illicit access too codeine dhc, tramadol, nubain, morphine, any benzo but I have stayed clear even after my one and only IV jab of nubain......and found it just too damn nice....and since I can't even stop a newly found CWE habit then getting codeine DHC /IV opiates would be....problematic. ...
Also I know not to get short acting benzos so some self control is there.
I have no desire to ever return to such high doses of tramadol or benzo. ...yet part of me knows/reads a suboxone/clonazapam high would be difficult to resist.
On a positive note my blood work after 4 years of abuse of these drugs plus oral steroids as well as injectable use for the last 6 yr is clear.
My training discipline has held me together at thee worst times of my life -my mother passing etc and I know it will help now.
I am signed off work sick but honest I am starting to feel more "me" each day and have started looking for work as I am used to having money......or needing money for hobbies/habits....
Bear in mind feeling "me" again is not! because of new chosen path to "get clean" .....However being a lot cleaner than before means I am functioning again.
I do feel in the middle.....but admit I am quite comfy here.
Sorry for the long post because ultimately it's a suboxone question only but I know many of you from the sober and the addict stage of life will have input.
Thank you very much for reading
Anyhow my inevitable self destruct system kicked in and my drug use went off the scale-all pharmaceutical not street. I am 40 now so my youth in the UK included street use and of course my bodybuilding lifestyle included steroid use and occasional misuse.
Anyhow now I am back in the UK after a messy end to my great Thai lifestyle and trying to rebuild my life, spent some time in a phychaitric unit and had to go through a close family death upon my return.
Things were nigh on suicidal a few months back but having prior experience of depression I realised what I was feeling going through cold turkey periods would pass.
As a rough guide to my past Thailand use so some experienced members can gauge my recovery options here is rough tally all prescribed/pharmacy purchased.
Daily.
16mg clonazapam
8mg xanax
16mg lorazapam
1000 mg tramadol -20 x 50mg tramadol HCL caps.
60-80 mg ritalin
Also added gabapentin and pregagblin sometimes.
Steroids doses never got too high as my state of mind-diet-training started to suffer however I have always remained and will remain on a slightly than higher HRT/TRT dose as throwing in the added depression of trying to come off testosterone would be catastrophic, also I don't want to now I am training and eating well again...Thank God!
Okay my local rehab team and phychaitrist are great but admit my case is difficult to work with.
So the doctor wanted to address the opiate-tramadol problem first as I have worsened it by CWE codeine everyday but my tramadol use is 200 mg tops now.
A hell .....absolute bell of a unplanned benzo cold turkey luckily took my tolerance down so my current titration taper is :
20 mg diazapam a day for 2 weeks stepping down 2 mg every 2 weeks which I think is very considerate of my doctor.
I told him quitting ritalin as I now take 5-10 mg each day I can do.....I also told him I could quit the tramadol and codeine alone and knew how to taper however he believes this will prove more difficult than I imagine and suggest we may have to use -suboxone. ...This surprised me....well intrigued me to be honest as I am still a addict as I assumed suboxone is only for those on H or oxycodone so I would like user input on this?
Let me disclaim the want-desire to give up drugs is not 100% in me as simply put I still enjoy it in a life function way rather a desire to get fucked up daily although those compulsions still pop up.
So....sometimes I wonder if I will admit defeat.....without even trying to quit my current opiates...just so I can try something new....simply put being a junkie I do not trust myself.
I have illicit access too codeine dhc, tramadol, nubain, morphine, any benzo but I have stayed clear even after my one and only IV jab of nubain......and found it just too damn nice....and since I can't even stop a newly found CWE habit then getting codeine DHC /IV opiates would be....problematic. ...
Also I know not to get short acting benzos so some self control is there.
I have no desire to ever return to such high doses of tramadol or benzo. ...yet part of me knows/reads a suboxone/clonazapam high would be difficult to resist.
On a positive note my blood work after 4 years of abuse of these drugs plus oral steroids as well as injectable use for the last 6 yr is clear.
My training discipline has held me together at thee worst times of my life -my mother passing etc and I know it will help now.
I am signed off work sick but honest I am starting to feel more "me" each day and have started looking for work as I am used to having money......or needing money for hobbies/habits....
Bear in mind feeling "me" again is not! because of new chosen path to "get clean" .....However being a lot cleaner than before means I am functioning again.
I do feel in the middle.....but admit I am quite comfy here.
Sorry for the long post because ultimately it's a suboxone question only but I know many of you from the sober and the addict stage of life will have input.
Thank you very much for reading
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