It's been sometime since I have blogged so I am taking time out to do that today. It somehow is theraptic for me like journaling was while in rehab. I guess because I really don't have anyone to talk to here. Or anywhere for that matter. Or maybe I do???? It's hard to lay my shit on someone or ask for help. I've always been the "helper." Anyway....I find myself missing my rehab "friends." You kind of get close in a short period of time. I felt sort of at home and comfortable there. Wasn't getting much help from the staff though. I felt staying would have been a waste of time. Just feel like I don't fit in anywhere. Blah, blah, blah....poor me.
On a postive note, I have this most amazing guy in my life but feel I may fuck it up, like every other good thing. So I am trying to take it slow and not rush into anything, because it sort of is a rehab romance. I am trying to be sure that my feelings are real feelings and that I am being myself (not one of those masks that we tend to but on). And I also want to be sure that I am getting to know the real him. And we have been "good" with those things I think. We are not saying I love you or planning a marriage and children already, like so many rehab romances. I would like to think we are different, but probably everyelse does too. All I know is that I REALLY like to get to know him better. I would like to be a part of his life. Wherever I may fit, even if it's just as friends, because he is as I said an amazing man.
I have trouble telling him how I feel and when I do I think he has trouble receiving/believing it.
I need him to know that he is strong and beautiful. A good friend and fantastic lover. He takes care of others before himself.
We also share in the "darkness", but I want it to be the "good darkness". not the darkness that I believe he goes to sometimes, which takes away from all the good things he is.
My wish is to have this "rehab romance" turn into something beautiful!
On a postive note, I have this most amazing guy in my life but feel I may fuck it up, like every other good thing. So I am trying to take it slow and not rush into anything, because it sort of is a rehab romance. I am trying to be sure that my feelings are real feelings and that I am being myself (not one of those masks that we tend to but on). And I also want to be sure that I am getting to know the real him. And we have been "good" with those things I think. We are not saying I love you or planning a marriage and children already, like so many rehab romances. I would like to think we are different, but probably everyelse does too. All I know is that I REALLY like to get to know him better. I would like to be a part of his life. Wherever I may fit, even if it's just as friends, because he is as I said an amazing man.
I have trouble telling him how I feel and when I do I think he has trouble receiving/believing it.
I need him to know that he is strong and beautiful. A good friend and fantastic lover. He takes care of others before himself.
We also share in the "darkness", but I want it to be the "good darkness". not the darkness that I believe he goes to sometimes, which takes away from all the good things he is.
My wish is to have this "rehab romance" turn into something beautiful!
