rehab...ready but at the same time not

[geraggh34]

im sick of everything 20 years old utterly addicted to drugs and ashamed and hate the person i am. i quit using heroin and iv opana since it bit the dust and now all i'm doing is injecting my daily sub doses i get from the street to make it last and spending the rest of my money on shooting coke and benzos to maintain that habit too.

i think i'm ready to tell my 'rents and help them get me into treatment but i feel like fucking scum and feel i should try and fight it without letting them go through the pain of knowing the chaos of their youngest black sheep of the family.

sorry for the sob story i just fucking hate myself at this point

edit: ive been physically addicted to opiates since 16 been on the needle since 18 and have only been hooked on the benzos for about a year from using them on a previous kick attempt.

edit: FUCK im a very ignorant person to start slamming coke i am going to end up destroying my fucking credit with this shit

 

[herbavore]

Listen, I am a parent so I hope that you will take this to heart. You are not the black sheep ogf your family. The values that your parents helped to instill in you are what are causing you to want to change (along with the terrible reality of the drug cycle you are living in). Do not worry about telling your parents. They may express anger and hurt but those are expressions of fear and they fear for you because they love you. Be as honest as you can, let them help you and go forward without shame. No one should be ashamed of addiction. Remorse of choices you made is one thing, but letting shame take over can be self defeating when it comes to recovery because it feeds self-loathing. You need to feel your courage in order to tackle this. You were strong enough and humble enough to admit you need help here. Use this as a first step and let your family know what is going on. I know this must be terrifying but you will not only be doing what is best for you but what is best for your family by letting them in and letting them help. I wish you much love and courage. Someday this will simply be a part of the past that makes you an even stronger, more understanding person.

 

[geraggh34]

Listen, I am a parent so I hope that you will take this to heart. You are not the black sheep ogf your family. The values that your parents helped to instill in you are what are causing you to want to change (along with the terrible reality of the drug cycle you are living in). Do not worry about telling your parents. They may express anger and hurt but those are expressions of fear and they fear for you because they love you. Be as honest as you can, let them help you and go forward without shame. No one should be ashamed of addiction. Remorse of choices you made is one thing, but letting shame take over can be self defeating when it comes to recovery because it feeds self-loathing. You need to feel your courage in order to tackle this. You were strong enough and humble enough to admit you need help here. Use this as a first step and let your family know what is going on. I know this must be terrifying but you will not only be doing what is best for you but what is best for your family by letting them in and letting them help. I wish you much love and courage. Someday this will simply be a part of the past that makes you an even stronger, more understanding person.

Herbavore..thank you so much for you beautiful, wise words, they have honestly brought a tear to my eyes and i cant express how much your reply really did just hit me at home and put a smile on my face reading it. You are on the money when you say shame can be self defeating because it makes me sink more down in the hole that i am because I am so emotionally unstable. you're a beautiful person herbavore and i am so glad i have people on this forum i have to talk to and what wonderful people there are on this board. i have no one to talk to in my life about how bad my issues really are because, just no one understands and that's all there it to it.. your post gave me a little more courage and that is a blessing because i feel hopeless.
Thank you

 

[Hrubenstein]

Listen if you need help you need help. I can relate with all of the self loathing. I hate myself for the terrible things I did to myself and my family. There is another side though even though I know its hard to see. I'm 14 months in recovery from my heroin addiction and I'm so grateful and thankful for every day I don't wake up dope sick. Life gets a lot better trust me and others in recovery will tell you the same. I suggest you come clean to your parents, trust me when i tell you that they will find out eventually.

 

[motherofearth]

Do not worry about telling your parents. They may express anger and hurt but those are expressions of fear and they fear for you because they love you. Be as honest as you can, let them help you and go forward without shame. No one should be ashamed of addiction.

These words should be taken to heart (and not w/o some relief, just maybe?). For me, telling my family about my IV cocaine/heroin use was top 5 hardest things in my life. Telling them I relapsed was just a hard. But like herbavore mentioned, if you can empathize, their prospective anger w/ the scenario will make sense, and while it'll emotionally strain you, I can almost certainly assure you you'll feel better having been honest and genuinely appealing for help. Of course, if you are absolutely positive they'll do something to destabilize your life (ie exacerbate legal troubles, kick you out), it may be best to consider it, and maybe pursue an alternative support system (friends?). But for me, telling my family was and is the vital element constantly driving me to get clean. I don't want to encourage you absolutely w/o knowing your parents, but if they love you and you are earnest they're likely to support you. I can't overstate the empowerment I attained by being honest w/ them, and in turn it assisted me in being honest w/ myself.

Never be sorry for any story you tell here, "sob," or otherwise. Best of luck.

 

[Missykins]

Go to your parents and tell the truth, that you need their help. Better than them finding you dead on a slab. Rehab is only what you make of it, but for many of us, it was a life-transforming first step.