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Rehab/Interventions

doofqueen

doofqueen

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Oct 27, 2002
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Down Under
How do I go about getting someone into rehab for alcoholism when they think they don’t have a problem? Can you admit someone without their consent and make them stay there? If they are destroying their lives and the people around them how do you go about doing this? Or having an intervention of some kind? Does anyone know any rehab clinics close to Newcastle? Any stories from people and advice at all for me? Desperate times call for desperate measures :(
 
No, you can't admit someone into rehab without their consent. Even if you could it would be a waste of time because if they don't want to 'fix' their problem then as soon as they got out they'd head straight to the pub for a drink.

I don't know anything about this topic but I do know if some people had an intervention to stop me from doing something I would get very defensive and there's no way it would work. What happened when you approached this person one on one?
 
if only they had an oz version of that american show i watched the other week. nothing like showing you care about someone to air their personal problems on tv 8)
 
If this person is of threat to family/ friends, they can have an intervention order taken out against him/ her. Furthermore, if this person breaches the intervention order, and the victim calls the police, the culprit will have to appear in court.

The court would deal with this however they please, however one of the stronger possibilities would be to send the culprit to a rehab.

You, however, can not... for very understandable reasons. The power to formally dictate other people's lives does not fall into the hands of any mere person.
 
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Hey DQ,

I once called the AA hotline (this is going years back) and yes UAN said you can't admit anyone without their consent.
Though i don't not sure if you could be able to admit them if they're doing self harm or harm to others but you may need a court order for that or some mental health act intervention *don't quote me on that*

If you need more info you best bet is to call them directly. They're very friendly and will answer any questions or concerns you have. It's a free service

Heres the place in newcastle: 7/10 Dixon St Hamilton 2303 PO 240
Phone: (02) 4962 3844

Heres the page for more information
http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.org.au

There are some 24 hour phone numbers there

Good luck
 
By 'intervention' she didnt mean a restraint order etc...an intervention is when you sit down with the person who has the problem and you inteviene saying things like "Kel...if you keep doing this to yourself and us this is what will happen..."

Stuff like that. An intervention s a cold harsh reality check for the person sometimes. It can be good and bad.

Recently myself and my best mate had to interveiene with my other best mate who has an alcohol problem...she listened to what we had to say...but she is still making love to the bottle :\

She's admitted she has a problem but doesnt feel she has to go to rehab to fix it...catch 22 really.

DQ: you cant make someone go to rehab with out their consent. Otherwise they wont get anywhere. They have to recognise they have a problem in order to be able to fix it.

Its the first step really...

If there is a child involved maybe consider seeing a child psychologist and ask the steps to take to assure the childs safety. Its hard to point you in the right direction if there arent much more details you can give us...

Otherwise ring the Alcoholics Annonymous people and ask them for advice. Thats what they are there for.

<3
 
^ Yeah, I know that ;)

I only started speaking of an intervention order because it was said that this person is destroying the lives of those around them.

Alcoholics often get violent and partake in unacceptable behavior that infringes upon the rights of others. Such as banging on the door at 3am, refusing to go away...

If it's just emotional trauma that this person is causing, it may be painful, but all it really requires is for the victims to stand their ground and state what they will not tolerate.

The victims simply need to focus on not being victims, and look for ways to control their own lives, as opposed to trying to control someone else's by sending them to rehab.
 
up all night said:
Dr. Phil? ;)
Click to expand...

same diff, but this show was called intervention/s (?)

besides cheering for the individuals to tell their friends and family to piss off, i couldn't help but wonder why they never pondered "why is there a tv crew present?" in the pre-intervention scenes.
 
If i was an alcoholic I would be terribly hurt and embarassed if my family involved the legal system in any way. Thats below the belt in a very big way regardless of the impact. I think a more personal intervention would be in order if anything, i would presume their alcoholism is a sensative issue and most alcoholics do actually recognise their problem even if they'd rather die before admitting it~

I would further suggest a most delicate approach would be required in order to make your friend comfortable enough to admit his or her problem and actively seek help, emphasis on not embarassing or shaming them, and certainly dont involve the courts.. any punishment or "help" prescribed by the law will only be met with resentment and resistence.. consider the shame you'd have to live with for putting them through "the system" when all is said and/or done

But thats just $0.2~
 
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silvia saint said:
same diff, but this show was called intervention/s (?)

besides cheering for the individuals to tell their friends and family to piss off, i couldn't help but wonder why they never pondered "why is there a tv crew present?" in the pre-intervention scenes.
Click to expand...

I think the cold, sad fact, SS, is that nowadays in the US, the market is that saturated with various "reality" tv shows, that people probably wouldn't bat an eyelid if they saw a TV crew in their house. :( They'd probably think they were on Extreme Makeover (freak edition), or Oprah, or somesuch. :\

As for an intervention, i think, if carried out in a certain way, they can be really good. You have to be really, really careful though. I guess if someone called an intervention on me, and it was carried out in a non-pressured way, where the right message got through (we love you, know you have a problem and want to help), i would be shocked and touched that family and friends cared so much. If, however, i was told to sit down (in front of a TV crew ;)) and the men-in-white carrying straight jackets popped into the room, i'd be a little taken aback.

Either way, S, i really hope it all works out for you and whoever you're doing this for. You obviously care about them alot. *hug*
 
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Its a harsh thing to comprehend but they have to want to help themselves first.

and most likely for that to happen they will need to hit rock bottom.
 
^ Very true... having said that "rock-bottom" is pretty relative term. One person's rock-bottom could very well be different from another person's. Alot of people don't think they've hit rock-bottom until it's too late. The frustration and feeling of helplessness that loved ones go through is absolutely heartbreaking, i've witness it myself. :( I can totally understand why family and friends may want to hold an intervention. They just don't know what the fuck they're supposed to do, they want to do *something* other than sit around, have their money and possessions stolen for a "hit" and watch the person they love kill themselves slowly. I think that, if everyone had a similar rock-bottom and realised, then a heroin addict wouldn't overdose, an alchoholic wouldn't get behind a wheel while drunk and kill themselves or someone else. :( In the case that i'm talking about, the person was too proud to admit they'd really fucked things up, and when her family sat her down and said "we know you have a massive problem with heroin, we're scared that you're going to die, we love you, etc", it was only then that she was able to agree...she didn't have to come out and say "oh god, i need help". Every situation is different, but for what it's worth, interventions can help.
 
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MazDan said:
Its a harsh thing to comprehend but they have to want to help themselves first.

and most likely for that to happen they will need to hit rock bottom.
Click to expand...

Harsh but true. I've another now ex mate heading down the road to psychosis.

And hes the last person to admit he looks like a skelleton and has a very serious problem.
 
UAN - When i talk to them about it (and this is an ongoing problem - minimum 10 years+) they say they know they have a problem and that they are quitting and they lie and lie about it because i know when they have been drinking and they think i don't. They HIDE their drinking all the time. They realise they have a problem but at times they think they don't OR they say they have it under control. Just when we think they might they spiral out of control again.

DG - of course i know i can't control people's lives *sigh* I'm asking for help here. The court order sounds drastic but maybe it needs to come to that. Babysitting kids drunk, driving kids drunk, making kids walk home 40 mins cos they are TOO drunk to see and driving drunk themselves i think is something that needs to be stopped (the babysitting has stopped a long time ago)

Not looking after the house and their partner when they do not work and the partner does 60 hr weeks with 16hr shifts etc. Not showering, not looking after themselves - leading one of their daughters to self harm, low self esteem and depression are just other things that have been happening.

RG - thanks for thr numbers and links - i will look into it today

SF - they do have a victim complex. They say their lives are meaningless and thats why they drink even though everyone around them has alot of love for them. I have many conversations with them over the years that they are the only ones that can really help themselves and are in control of their lives. They just shrug me off like what i say doesnt mean anything. It's like they have given up on life and are waiting to die. I don't want them to die :( I especially don't want them to die and for me not to have done anything about it. I have tried SO SO many times to help them but i'm at a loss as to what to do. I don't want to loose them. I want them well and happy.

VT - we have tried everything. As i said just earlier we have had talks about them being the only one ultimately that can control their lives and behaviour. Shown them how much we care for them. Showed them love and then even gone the opposite way and banned them to speaking to me until they got their act together. Given ultimatums and what not. We've done the tough love thing as well as the sympathy i want to help you thing. It's a vicious cycle that just seems to be ok sometimes and then when you look deeper it never went away and was just hidden.

Maz - this is as rock bottom as it gets. Their partner for the last year has said "I will help you but you have to help yourself" pretty much and has given them many chances and they keep fucking up. "Shape up or ship out" was told to them many times but yet they still fuck up and the partner still lets them stay but recently this person left home to live with their parents. Without telling anyone they were going at all. Leaving the house wide open with everything running and driving 20 mins down the highway drunk ruining the gardens on the way (proving how drunk they were)

They have no job, no money of their own and are very depressed. I just don't want to find out that they have given up altogether and i'll be going to their funeral.

I'm in tears writing this. This has been a life long problem i've had to deal with. Sometimes it feels like its under control and then things happen and you realise its just getting worse and worse and it's just hidden.

Thanks for everyones advice.
 
I know exactly how you feel........ a Mum of one of my soccer players from years ago had a problem.........the son called me to say he couldnt get to training so I went to pick him up and found Mum in the car saturated with urine and a total mess..........I was 17 at the time........ her son was 11 and knew exacvtly what was going on.

I spoke to the husband that night and he basically said that she had to want to give up and that he had tried everything.......... I went back to see her next day and she didnt even remember me carrying her into the house or anything......I was expecting her to bring it up so when she didnt.......I did and asked her to seek help.......... she did and I never saw her drunk again but I dont know if she never actually drunk again.

I was sort of hopeful I had embarrassed her.

Same with heroin.......... Until they want to be helped you cant help them.......... rock bottom can be helped though however your friend did not help by not keeping his word and kicking her out.........if he cant keep his then why should she keep hers.........she knows he wont follow through.

I dont know much about interventions and maybe just maybe it could work..........I agree with you that something has to be done........and I dont envy your position but I do rate you for being the right sort of friend........ I reckon your the sort of person I would want as a friend if ever I was in trouble.........most so called friends just pretend not to see the problems.
 
It's actually my mum that i'm talking about. I can't believe i'm revealing it online here (people who read my LJ have read stuff about this - havnt mentioned it in a while though)

Dad didn't kick her out. An incident happened last week where he threatnened to do it if it happened again (he has given her a dozen warnings at least) She's ok for a while (or hides it really well) then all of a sudden she's drinking again, not caring about herself, the house, and others in her life. She left herself. No one forced her out at all. It's always just been a threat but i think my dad was VERY close to actually doing it.

She thinks my dad hates her and treats her like shit. He's not perfect and they do fight but i KNOW he still loves her.

She used to babysit for me while i was at uni until one day i rang wondering where my son was as he was due home an hour ago on his bike. He had a flat tyre and walked his bike home (about 4kms) cos she was too drunk to drive him (even though she had done this once before) It was getting dark and was worried sick until he turns up with his other nan (she is my saviour and has taken over babysitting since that day)

I told my mum that day that i don't want to speak to her. That that was the last straw. That i put up with her drinking and passing out ALL my life even when i moved out of home having my little sisters call me crying that she was passed out on the floor and if i could come and get them. I will not have my son put up with his drunk nan on a regular basis. I just won't do it :(

She lies about my dad and has always made him the bad guy while really he was the one thats always been the glue in the family. She doesnt care about anyone, not even herself. Of course i still talk to her even after i said i wouldnt. She's my mum though. I love her. I don'tr respect her for alot of what she's done but i love her all the same and don't want to loose her but she has slowly alienated all of us and we just don't know what to do.

I can't stop crying when i write about this stuff and i'm always worried i'll turn into her cos I always head for the bottle when things are not going well.
 
DQ- after reading so many of your LJ entries i want to specify here that i do not personally believe that you have a problem with alcohol like your Mum does. For one i KNOW that you would never do anything to hurt your son and your family the way she is hurting you right now. I know the situation seems hopeless, but it may be best just to talk to her honestly, even if you have tried a million times. Present her with pamphlets and options and ways of helping her, and tell her you will be there for her every step of the way. I know its hard and you probably hate her right now, but thats probably driving her more to drink rather than to give up.
Maybe seek advice from a counsellor, get your whole family involved in an intervention. perhaps she will listen if its all of you talking rather than just one at a time, but don't feel like you are "ganging" up on her. Tell her you will support her no matter what, but she needs to give it up.
I went through the same thing with my Dad a few years ago when he almost killed my family by driving a car when he was drunk. It took such a big incident for us to wake up to the problem that we had been trying to ignore, but when we confronted him together and told him how much he had hurt us, he really woke up to his actions, and even though he didnt go to rehab, we worked things through with him at home. It took a long night of talking to make him realise, but no matter how frustrated and angry we were with him, we knew we always had to tell him that we would be there for him no matter what.
 
My best mates mum had been an alcoholic for about 20 years and passed away at the age of 50 of liver failure. Don't give up and don't just let them reach rock bottom cause sometimes rock bottom is death.

My best mates mum had gotten to a really bad state by the last 10 years. SHe lived in a housecoat constanlty and would wet herself constantly. Her life had become a waiting room for her death.

I agree interventions can be embarressing and hurtful to the person who's going through the situation and not always helpful but sometimes there is not other option. Don whatever you can DQ. Fight and scream until they realsie what they are doing and stop their ways.
 
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