My last detox, I think I wrote a blog post about it a while back, really shook me to my core. It was so brutal.. it honestly scarred me a bit and when I wanted to get clean again recently, thinking about going to detox and going through that shit again was just too much, even though I know it wouldn't have been any where near as bad because I wouldn't have been going in on a monster habit like I did back then.
Learned a good lesson... always taper if you're on a huge habit before going to detox. Even the nurses told me that shit when they saw how sick I was.
I said the same about my last stay at the Psych Ward; it wasnt your typical Detox where I am around all junkies who remind me of myself; esp. around here in Boston, its most opiates/dope addictions in each and every rehab in Boston/Boston North! all of us telling our "war stories" and what got us there, etc. then a day later we'd all want out and to get high. I remember my last stop in DRUG REHAB the dude walks in and I am SICK AS A DOG STILL cuz they didnt give me the meds yet, and I ask whats up, what he's here for, etc. and he looks at me and I can just see this guys eyes NODDING the FUCK OUT. then goes on to tell me he shot/took 12MG xanny right before he walked in the door. I was like, "dude, youre wasting your time here". they only give you 5 days on insurance, so he wont even be sick for another day or so, so he really only gets 3 days to detox. I am doubting it worked well for me but who knows, I pray for the guy cuz addiction is rough.
the psych ward is where I learned to CARE FOR MYSELF because I've seen others who are incapable of doing so, or do not have the brain power/span/knowledge to even keep up in the modern day world. there were addicts there, bu not your typical junkie addict; a diff kinda, per say. a 65yr old MILLIONAIRE it seemed from his education/meetings/talks and he picked up his benzo addiction 5 years ago and was taking 20 or 30MG a day of xanny. if you say this dude YOUD NEVER THINK HE'D BE AN ADDICT. so this guy had his script, but also paid other DR's off to write scripts, etc. and then even bought from the street market, which he says was never bad in his neighborhood because he was a rich dude just buying others scrips w/o a problem. but due to such a HEAVY and POWERFUL addiction like benzo, he had to be put in psych ward due to how long it will take for the benzos to be taken out of system and what he will be going through. he was the only other "addict". but he was far from the "norm" addict you meet in a typical rehab.
anyway, the rest all had serious PSYCH problems and were there getting "brain shocks" for whatever reason. I guess it has to do w/ a deep depression and potential suicide commitments. others have cut themselves to feel the same HIGH we do off drugs, but they had cut marks on the wrist, neck, body, etc. others were mentally unstable and one morning he and I would have a normal convo and the next morning he wouldnt know my name or what was going on; it was just whacky, man. I forget what his exact problem was.
since I was there so long we made a small 4 man group (1 lady) who were the more "normal". although, the lady and guy in my group were both having those brain shock therapy sessions. when they first would come back up to the psych floor after the shock, they would have NO IDEA who anyone was, where they were, etc. crazy, right? the other dude in my group was super bi-polar. one day we are laughing, joking.. next day he's ready to fight. I always had to talk to hm and try to calm him down so he wouldnt flip more chairs, tables, or scream'/yell/threaten nurses. they constantly called security on the kid but I always stood by him (probably shouldnt have) and would try to calm him. the minute I did that I would get RUSHED ON BY NURSES AND SECURITY TO BACK AWAY!
Last dude in my group was about 65yrs old. he has a few brain problems/memory loss/alcoholic, etc. terrible memory himself but has been known to "wander off" and just be missing for days w/o him or anyone knowing. he truly believes he has been abducted but also admits his alcohol intake is through the roof and that sometimes he would just zone out and black out for days. he had other problems as well but mostly alcohol came up for him but just hearing his stories, meeting his family who came to see him every few days, etc, made he and I much closer than normal since he's more than double my age.
anyway, long post here.. but PSYCH WARDS are better than rehabs for us junkies; you see a different side of the world and different "problems" than we do. yes, addiction is a problem, but its a problem that can be stopped. the people in these units have problems that CANNOT BE STOPPED and are RUINING THEIR LIVES and KILLING their OWN family hearts. the people I mentioned are the ones I considered normal and hung w/. the rest in there were WHACKED! just mumblers who can barely speak, people who are in wheelchairs and lost legs, people who have such short term memory that they can only remember 5 minutes back, so they constantly need a nurse w/ them to put that person through the day and make that person remember where/why/how they got there and what is happening.
whacky shit, man. but yet these people were BORN or CAME DOWN with this all.. but here I AM making the BAD DECISION to SHOOT MYSELF w/ a DRUG that KILLS MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. this didnt come to from family, or a dramatic event in life, but was something I put myself through and kept myself ON for as long as I could. YES, I did fuck up ONCE since that Psych Ward days but it was ONCE in 5 months; ill take that any time!
. Once in Louisiana (fuck that place), twice in NC.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
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