rehab again?

[DrinksWithEvil]

i got out of my third rehab four months ago , i met a girl in the program and moved in with her when we got out, within a week we broke up. i moved 400 miles away got a job as a lift operator, was doing good for for a month or so then started doctor shopping, broke my hand, root canal blah blah. then started shooting heroin. got laid off now im back home. my parents think im not using but i am, im stealing from my dad, lieing about looking for jobs, just getting caught up in the cycle again but worse. im only using about 60mg of oxy a day when i have the cash ie stealing money. i have a friend who gets 240 roxy 30s a month so ya.

i want to get better, when im high i want to get sober, when im sober i want to be high. im 24 and fucking sick of it. ive been using opiates since i was 18 , its like im still 18 i just stagnant when u use. im not maturing. im doing the same thing i was doing when i was 18. ontop i drink everyday i havent been sober in the last 4 months since i got out of rehab.

i just dont know if my parents will be abel to accept the fact that i may have to get back on suboxen or try out MMT or go back to rehab again. i hate that they dont understand how hard this addiction is and how hard im struggling with myself. they always threaten me with kicking me out but i know they never will , i know they should though.

i know im slipping but can i catch my fall before its to late again. its all so hopeless it seems, ive been doing this forever. at first i said third times a charm when i went into the 3rd rehab, now im thinking about a fourt? how fucking many times

will it take!!!!

guess im just rambling, needed to vent more than anything

 

[itsok]

stealing part sucks. eventually they'll catch on. did suboxone or methadone ever help? maybe u need a longer term rehab?

im due for my 3rd rehab soon...

i got off of the physical addiction to heroin and suboxone using dissociatives (like 4meopcp and methoxetamine) but i still struggle with the psychological side.

its great you want help. h addiction is a bitch to quit-- especially the longer it goes on imo. Im living at home and i hate it here which is so ungrateful...but i kept fucking up over the span of 10yrs.

if u can live a normal life on subs and methadone, maybe that could be okay?

i dunno..i can't give advice bc im fucking up just the same...

 

[gomorrah]

You just have to be ready and it sounds like it. Im doing very well, and I felt EXACTLY like you. Especially the "not maturing thing." Stay out of relationships for a year and do EVERYTHING different. I never thought I would be clean but I chair AA meetings and sponsor drug addicts. Its absolutely crazy that there is this wonderful side to life that people like us can't comprehend until we see it.