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  • AADD Moderators: swilow | Vagabond696

Regarding Bullying - Your Feelings and Stories.

D

Dandy

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Jan 27, 2004
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I thought it would be good to discuss the whole notion of 'bullying' and how some of us may have been affected by bullying at some point in our life - or may have even been the 'bullies' at some point in our life.
This is not restricted to just School bullying (though I expect a lot of responses will be in relation to this sort of bullying), but can be applied to the work-place and Sports/interest teams and groups.
If you were bullied at some point in your life - discuss how badly this affected you (if you are comfortable in discussing it and it doesn't bother you too much that other people might know), where and when it took place, what was done about it and finally how long it was before you looked for help or anything was done about it. Include anything else if you wish! - This can be used as a rough guide.

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In addition, if you are/were guilty of bullying at some point - discuss the reasons for doing it. Was it aimed at individuals or groups? How it makes you feel now and what you would say to that person or people if you saw them today (in the most extreme of cases).


I realise we all have different definitions of bullying although I think we'll all agree that one of the defining aspects is that bullying is something that occurs over time - a constant thing rather than the occasional smart remark or discouraging comment.


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I have something to contribute but I'll do this later tonight, in the meantime I look forward to your replies.
 
a thread about bullying started by someone with a Marilyn Manson avatar. why am i not surprised?

there's your smart remark
 
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Actually, the story in the paper yesterday got me thinking on the issue, and I think there are a lot of things to be discussed about it - starting with the experiences people have had.
If you don't have something useful to add - don't post anything at all preacha. I think this is a serious issue.


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preacha said:
why am i not surprised?
Click to expand...

Perhaps because you are a narrow minded prime example of a bully.
I hope this little jibe has kept your thin veil of self esteem aglow for another few minutes.
 
childhood bites...

i was a popular kid at school... all till about yr 5 when i changed schools and went to an all boys school..

there, it wasnt good to be smart... which is hard for a kid who taught himself to read at the age of two....

so, i tried to ignore it.... but unfortunately it wouldnt go away...

no matter what i did, i would get bullied...

looking back on it, it was mainly the kids who had no hope (having run into a few of them since, it's great revenge to see that they have fucked up their lives.. :) )

but then, one day in yr 7, my form master pulled me aside and gave me a lesson...

if punched, i could punch back, and he'd turn the other way...

so i started fighting back...

and slowly but surely gained respect....

eventually it all stopped....

and now it's actually helped me...

i wont let anyone walk over me, and will always stand up for myself, or my mates... even if it involves physical danger (as discovered a couple of weeks ago..)

but basically, bullies are a part of life...

you'll get them at work, out in clubs, at uni etc etc...

but basically (the old saying is true..) they will only bully u to make themselves feel better....

fight back, stand up for yourself and you will end up on top... :)
 
^^^ unless they are stronger and/or have half a dozen mates that you didn't notice. Then you'll end up as a bloody pulp.
 
^^^ most bullies dont actually have mates who will stand up for them...

if you land a decent punch, you'll be surprised how quickly people back off... :)
 
^ See I've seen the opposite. Most bullies have a whole group of subservient pack animals who will band together to pick on one person. It's the whole 'follow the crowd so you're not the one who gets picked on' mentality. Safety in numbers and all that.

I've honestly never seen a very effective method in getting rid of a bully. What works for one [eg fighting back] may infuriate another and cause more trouble.

I think it's important to note the more subtle side to bullying that girls often fall victim to. Things such as not being invited to certain parties, being ignored etc. This emotional bullying is sometimes much more damaging then any form of physical bullying because it doesn't give the victim something to fight against. It's intangible and yet highly corrosive.

While I do feel sorry for the victims of bullying I also think it's a part of life that children need to learn to deal with. They're probably going to encounter it at different times of their life, such as in the work place, and people need to be able to deal with a situation in which they may need to stand up for themselves. It's all a part of a very important learning curve.
 
up all night said:
I think it's important to note the more subtle side to bullying that girls often fall victim to. Things such as not being invited to certain parties, being ignored etc. This emotional bullying is sometimes much more damaging then any form of physical bullying because it doesn't give the victim something to fight against. It's intangible and yet highly corrosive.
Click to expand...

i agree strongly. I can't tell you how many teary conversations I've had with girls who can't handle being barred form a party, who try really hard to get in with the cool kids etc. but get ignored, it all leads to grief and confusion. the other thing is that subtle, persistent bullying with undertones of racism or the verbal abuse that slowly leads to image problems...i can't really speak from experience but I've seen it happen to others
 
I got teased/bullied at school - in the form racial torments and physical abuse stemming from this.

I grew up in the heart of Melbourne and anyone who knows the city knows its a very multi-cultural place and racism was not something that I was aware of while I was growing up. When I was 12 my parents moved to a little country town of about 600 people and of course I followed in tow.

Well, I was aware of the term wog, but boy did I learn quickly the full brunt of it when you are in a school and you are the only ethnic person there

I spent the next four years of high school being racially taunted and I lost count of the amount of times I was in phsycal fights - usually being ganged up on.

Racism sux full stop - but its so painful whe you are alone

Its four years of my life that I'm happy to forget..
 
Eugh, there was a great thread on this in Life that I can't seem to find.. I was hoping I could just copy and paste my answer. Don't think I can face rehashing it all at the moment :\
 
omg, I just spent 15 minutes searching through all my old posts to find it :p See? I can't even find posts properly!
 
I left a school in year 8 because of bullying. 2 lovely girls who were my best friends one day, all of a sudden turned on me, and took the whole grade with them. I went to school to find no-one talking to me, and them having votes in class over who hated me- right in front of me and the teacher.

I tried to deal with it for a little while, but it got to the stage of ridiculous. There was nothing that any superior could have done to fix the situation.

In the end I almost had a nervous break down, and my parents were at wits end. So I made up some lame excuse about being accepted into a special language program at another school and left the next day.

It still hurts today to think about it, and most people who know me don't even know this. I'm embarrassed about it, which is what i think is the worst thing about it. Why should bullying victims be embarrassed? It's such a shit position, and it saddens me that people inflict this on others, whether they're kids or young adults.
 
Wow star_beats! - *Hugs* - Thats awful. Kids can be so mean.

I left school in Year 9. I was never bullyed in Primary school and it only really started in about Year 8. - I didn't handle it well and started to use drugs regularly, mainly influenced by friends, but still my choice.

I was also a very naughty child, especially at school, but my weakness was my inability to fight. I was only ever in a few serious fights at school.

I left school and went to TAFE where I completed YR10 and then studied I.T for 2 years. I think this was the best choice I have made in life, as I've now been in the I.T Industry for 4 years, however, if I was to have stayed at school, getting into I.T would have been much harder these days.

shals :D
 
I was teased (bullied?) mercilessly all through primary school.

Not only teased verbally (for being chubby and being a teachers pet) but also physically hit once or twice (yes, I'm a girl :() - by boys twice my size.

I think the verbal teasing hurt worse though. And being left out of things.
Primary school was not a fun time for me, peer-wise.

But .... my story has a funny ending. One day my mum came to pick me up from school, I think it was about grade 4, and this kid [name removed. blua privacy] (yes, I'll name you, fucker) had trapped me against a brick wall and was punching me in the stomach while his friends rode around the school oval on my bike. Mum happened apon this scene because she'd forgot I'd rode to school that day, it was purely a stroke of luck.

Anyway, I saw her approach from behind, but [name removed. blua privacy], fortunately didn't. She was apon him in about 5 seconds. Weilding an umbrella over her head like a madwoman, she's screamed "Get off my little girl you FUCKER!". He turned around and just about shit himself . My mum is a very scary sight when mad. :D

She didn't actually HIT him, but she had him by the scruff of the neck and used the umbrella to make her point by jabbing him in the stomach and chest with it. The kid looked white as a sheet. It was just so funny. She also went to the school principal, and his parents, after that, but there was no need.... none of those boys ever went near me from that day forward.
 
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up all night said:
[B
I think it's important to note the more subtle side to bullying that girls often fall victim to. Things such as not being invited to certain parties, being ignored etc. This emotional bullying is sometimes much more damaging then any form of physical bullying because it doesn't give the victim something to fight against. It's intangible and yet highly corrosive.

[/B]
Click to expand...

That was the worst kind of bullying by far. You can get over being hit, but attacks on your self-esteem are far more insidious and damaging.
 
I was bullied all through primary school and most of highschool. I started kindy not knowing a word of english and even though i had long blonde hair and blue eyes (although they are green now fo some strange reason) i was called the 'wog' (which now doesnt bother me) but because i didn't speak english, had a long last name, brough weird food to school and my parents spoke "funny" i was picked on and made to feel inadequate in some way.

I was absolutely ashamed of being polish until in year five we had a new principal and she made me realise that it was not a curse to know two languages and i should be proud of my heritage and culture and that everyone in australia (except indiginous people) all came from somewhere else (or their families did anyway)

I started doing projects that were related to poland in every aspect that i could. I falunted the fact that i was bi-lingual.

One time in year six we had to stand up for history and say why we were here ie where our heratihe lies and i remember one of the popular girls saying "well i'm here because my great great granfather stole a law book" and i got up and said

"and your proud that you come from a family of theives?"

she didn't know what to say . one point for the wog in the class =D

Another time a boy said that my name is stupid and i replied with "maybe it's you that is stupid because you can't say it...i can and i can also say yours"

hmm just little primary school things like that made me realise that being different from everyone else was a good thing sometimes.

Because of my experieneces with school my main focus when i become a teacher is to teach tolerance and acceptance of all ethnicities and especally just "uniqueness" in kids.

It's hard being you ...especially when your a kid and your just trying to fit in. I'm going to teach my students that they should STAND OUT =D
 
I got picked on all through primary school and part of high school. At high school it got so bad I ended up changing schools (school didnt do anything about it) and had a much better time at my new school. but damage had been done and I left after year 11. I couldnt wait to get out of there as soon as possible.
 
Yeah school was hell for me too. The only respite was university. I was bullied so bad in primary school I swapped schools. I really don't remember hardly anything from the first school, think I've kinda blocked it out. It was physical abuse from kids older than me, plus also racial taunts - kids were calling me all sorts of names for being half german (for goodnessake!!). The 2nd primary school was a lot better but then I got to intermediate school and all the kids I was used to were put into the excellerate class but I wasn't and again the bullying started. It was psychiological abuse plus also I had people kicking me and wrecking my stuff. The teacher could see it happening though so he got me swtiched to the brainy class and it was so much better.

I was never one of the popular people the whole way through school so uni was just the greatest greatest thing, bc finally I was in my element. It took me 1 year to come out of my shell but then I was the life of the party. I had people going to me "man, we thought you were such a snob bc you were so quiet and never said anything" - which is what I'd been like all through school .... "but now we've got to know you" yada yada

I know it's totally affected me. Theres still stuff I feel nauseous thinking about - and I think about stuff a lot. Taking time to work through it.

*shrug* this threads too deep :p
 
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