There's a lot of talk on how the psychedelics and dissociatives can result in spiritual insight, ego lessening, even ego death. No one ever talks about other substances, and how they may relate to this subject.
A lot of people believe that certain substances are just pleasure seeking, and have no worth at all.
The "worst" substances have something huge and dramatic to offer:
Loss. Aloneness. Death. Being abandoned by everyone. Neglecting your body. Forgetting about society and the outside world. Doing nothing. Caring about nothing. Going nuts.
Bad stuff, huh? I agree. And sometimes, bad is good.
The simple fact is that the psyche/self died here around the middle of January, 2008, following a period of heavy MDPV (methylenedioxypyrovalerone) use -- along with intensive involvement in the here/now, neglect of the body, loss of contact and involvement with others, forgetting about the outside world, etc.
There was a break in continuity -- the life story I had been living suddenly came to a halt, and was cut off. The mind turned inside-out and imploded. The self-image (my own face) dissolved, and along with it everyone else I knew and the world they existed in. All was near, intimate, contented, fulfilled, clear, simple, obvious, at peace.
One of my first thoughts, as I recall -- "What if there was nobody out there -- everybody was really *here*?" The meaning of this is inexplicable. It was simply a perfectly simple, obvious, amazing, clear revelation.
***
The revelations continue, really -- through stimulants (mostly legal/experimental ones) and their associated events, I've experienced psychic states and conditions that have altered my perspectives on life in ways I don't understand and am still examining.
It's interesting to me that people are afraid of not being able to feel emotions -- because I have gone **so far** beyond this, to the point of not being able to eat, sleep, eliminate, think clearly, know where/who I am, act to change anything, etc. People get emotional about losing emotions. There's a catch in there.
In any case, a few unusual experiences that have occurred here (during substance use):
* Feeling like a robotic mechanism or puppet, unable to act to change anything or escape a repetitive cycle of purposeless movement. Believing that it would go on for all eternity.
* Believing absolutely that I was going to experience eternal pain and torment, starting immediately. No actual pain or torment was felt, however the belief itself was not tolerable, thus did not last long.
* Living a mental dream as though it were reality, and losing touch altogether with the normal reality (psychosis).
* Experiencing a couple days as lasting several thousand years.
* Experiencing a day or two as totally timeless, or lasting moments.
* (days into MDPV use) -- falling into a state of calm and peace so perfect, the universe itself was not there.
I'm open to questions from anyone who may be interested to know what any of this was like.
These days I have absolutely no clue what is real and what isn't, don't care at all, and live life moment-to-moment as it comes, whatever it is. It is unconditional. "What it is, as it occurs". "No choice, pal."
That's the answer.
Peace...
A lot of people believe that certain substances are just pleasure seeking, and have no worth at all.
The "worst" substances have something huge and dramatic to offer:
Loss. Aloneness. Death. Being abandoned by everyone. Neglecting your body. Forgetting about society and the outside world. Doing nothing. Caring about nothing. Going nuts.
Bad stuff, huh? I agree. And sometimes, bad is good.
The simple fact is that the psyche/self died here around the middle of January, 2008, following a period of heavy MDPV (methylenedioxypyrovalerone) use -- along with intensive involvement in the here/now, neglect of the body, loss of contact and involvement with others, forgetting about the outside world, etc.
There was a break in continuity -- the life story I had been living suddenly came to a halt, and was cut off. The mind turned inside-out and imploded. The self-image (my own face) dissolved, and along with it everyone else I knew and the world they existed in. All was near, intimate, contented, fulfilled, clear, simple, obvious, at peace.
One of my first thoughts, as I recall -- "What if there was nobody out there -- everybody was really *here*?" The meaning of this is inexplicable. It was simply a perfectly simple, obvious, amazing, clear revelation.
***
The revelations continue, really -- through stimulants (mostly legal/experimental ones) and their associated events, I've experienced psychic states and conditions that have altered my perspectives on life in ways I don't understand and am still examining.
It's interesting to me that people are afraid of not being able to feel emotions -- because I have gone **so far** beyond this, to the point of not being able to eat, sleep, eliminate, think clearly, know where/who I am, act to change anything, etc. People get emotional about losing emotions. There's a catch in there.
In any case, a few unusual experiences that have occurred here (during substance use):
* Feeling like a robotic mechanism or puppet, unable to act to change anything or escape a repetitive cycle of purposeless movement. Believing that it would go on for all eternity.
* Believing absolutely that I was going to experience eternal pain and torment, starting immediately. No actual pain or torment was felt, however the belief itself was not tolerable, thus did not last long.
* Living a mental dream as though it were reality, and losing touch altogether with the normal reality (psychosis).
* Experiencing a couple days as lasting several thousand years.
* Experiencing a day or two as totally timeless, or lasting moments.
* (days into MDPV use) -- falling into a state of calm and peace so perfect, the universe itself was not there.
I'm open to questions from anyone who may be interested to know what any of this was like.
These days I have absolutely no clue what is real and what isn't, don't care at all, and live life moment-to-moment as it comes, whatever it is. It is unconditional. "What it is, as it occurs". "No choice, pal."
That's the answer.
Peace...
