Reflecting

I recently came back to BL. Looked at my old threads and old blog posts. Sad that I seem to have deleted a lot of posts and blogs out of anger, or whatever it was that possessed me at the time. It makes me sad and angry to look back and see how carefree I was. How many risks I took. How much fun I had. How many drugs I did. These days, it's just me and alcohol, and benzos sometimes. Sometimes a pathetic attempt at caffeine. Sometimes a swig of benadryl. Sometimes an attempt at dxm again. I really miss dxm. I wish everything didn't give me a goddamn panic attack. I know I had anxiety issues back then but I never let it stop me from living. Now I let it affect me. Fuck that fucking bullshit.Too bad it's not that easy.....just leaves me thinking...what would 17 year old me say to 27 year old me now?