GenericName12
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2013
- Messages
- 192
This forum was amazing to be back in when I was just learning what it was to be an addict and how to heal myself. Talking with other like minded people saved me.
I've been clean 3 years and have never been happier with my life. Sometimes I wake up and I can't even believe where I am today. Grateful to have a job, a clean and warm apartment in a safe neighborhood, a loving girlfriend. I can't imagine where I would be right now if I hadn't cleaned up. As an addict it's so hard to focus on the long term when the short term gratification is staring you in the face.
I was in a dark place - see: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/681024-I-have-everything-but-I-have-nothing
Unfortunately I relapsed maybe 1-2 months after that. I even saw it coming - http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...can-do-it!?p=11787565&viewfull=1#post11787565
It took me a long time to learn how to deal with my emotions. I used to just bottle everything into a bottle (of beer). I didn't know how to feel anything. This took a long time. I also went to therapy for this.
It took me some time to realize that willpower wasn't going to be enough in this situation. I needed a lifestyle change. This took some time to figure out. See: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...easons-end?p=12508157&viewfull=1#post12508157
I don't feel like this anymore. It's a weekend night (Sunday, but, tomorrow is a holiday) and I am just hanging out at home reading a book and I feel awesome. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything anymore. That just isn't my life anymore. Do I crave? Yes, sometimes, like a motherfucker. But I don't feel like I actually want to go drink, I just crave it even though I know I don't want it. I love knowing that I'll never wake up hungover, wondering what the hell I did the night before.
I needed to avoid situations that got me in trouble, avoid old 'friends' that got me into trouble, I needed to focus on rebuilding my life and thinking in the long-term.
I still cry sometimes when I think about the future. Some days I crave so bad it feels like my life is just a ticking time bomb until I relapse again. Other days, I feel amazing and don't crave at all. Every month it gets a little bit easier. At year 1 I couldn't imagine how much better I felt than 6 months. At year 2 I couldn't imagine how much better I felt than year 1. And at year 3 I couldn't imagine how much better I feel than I did after 2 years. Addiction can seem impossible to overcome but you need to trust in the system and trust that while there will be a ton of ups and downs eventually it will smooth out in the long term. I still work everyday to do everything I can to remain sober.
Not really sure where I'm going with this... just typing out my thoughts I guess. So grateful to be where I am today. Feeling reflective I guess.
I've been clean 3 years and have never been happier with my life. Sometimes I wake up and I can't even believe where I am today. Grateful to have a job, a clean and warm apartment in a safe neighborhood, a loving girlfriend. I can't imagine where I would be right now if I hadn't cleaned up. As an addict it's so hard to focus on the long term when the short term gratification is staring you in the face.
I was in a dark place - see: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/681024-I-have-everything-but-I-have-nothing
Unfortunately I relapsed maybe 1-2 months after that. I even saw it coming - http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...can-do-it!?p=11787565&viewfull=1#post11787565
It took me a long time to learn how to deal with my emotions. I used to just bottle everything into a bottle (of beer). I didn't know how to feel anything. This took a long time. I also went to therapy for this.
It took me some time to realize that willpower wasn't going to be enough in this situation. I needed a lifestyle change. This took some time to figure out. See: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...easons-end?p=12508157&viewfull=1#post12508157
I don't feel like this anymore. It's a weekend night (Sunday, but, tomorrow is a holiday) and I am just hanging out at home reading a book and I feel awesome. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything anymore. That just isn't my life anymore. Do I crave? Yes, sometimes, like a motherfucker. But I don't feel like I actually want to go drink, I just crave it even though I know I don't want it. I love knowing that I'll never wake up hungover, wondering what the hell I did the night before.
I needed to avoid situations that got me in trouble, avoid old 'friends' that got me into trouble, I needed to focus on rebuilding my life and thinking in the long-term.
I still cry sometimes when I think about the future. Some days I crave so bad it feels like my life is just a ticking time bomb until I relapse again. Other days, I feel amazing and don't crave at all. Every month it gets a little bit easier. At year 1 I couldn't imagine how much better I felt than 6 months. At year 2 I couldn't imagine how much better I felt than year 1. And at year 3 I couldn't imagine how much better I feel than I did after 2 years. Addiction can seem impossible to overcome but you need to trust in the system and trust that while there will be a ton of ups and downs eventually it will smooth out in the long term. I still work everyday to do everything I can to remain sober.
Not really sure where I'm going with this... just typing out my thoughts I guess. So grateful to be where I am today. Feeling reflective I guess.