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Red Flags: Hanging on to Sobriety . Please Help!

A

AlphaMethylPhenyl

Moderator: TDS
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I have to watch the addictive side of myself popping up. After being on a high dose of a stimulant for a year as well as drinking a lot, I'm still facing cravings even after more than three months sober. I slowly started using more caffeine, then more nicotine, then smoking (tobacco). It's an insidious beast. I did this to myself. I know I let the addiction disease in my head win a couple battles toward total relapse.

So I am going to go back to healing by stopping smoking (I've only been doing it 11 days but I smoked for several months before).

It will be painful, especially at first, but if I continue to let my primitive brain govern my choices, I just see myself (in the not too distant future) using alcohol and a bunch of supplements which very well might decrease the stability of my already shaky mental health.

I've read that people who stop smoking actually have better mental health than smokers, too. I'm sure that's true. Also, smoking increases the clearance of my medicine. I don't smoke a lot (under a half pack per day), but it's definitely not good. And it's taking my money :(.

Thank god I've been clean of weed for about a year; using it is the best route to the hospital.

I know this might not be ideal, but I will be seeing my doctor soon to talk about my anxiety/depression. If he increases my medicine as I hope he does, I will be much more comfortable stopping smoking. I honestly use smoking to quell anxiety mostly. But I know that it provides a very temporary fix.

I know that if I use drugs recreationally, I will lose my connection to the world, only surviving for that next fix. In truth, socialization is the most rewarding activity. We are social creatures.

Thankfully, my medicine works fairly well already. I'm on a very low dose of a benzo, an SNRI at a decent dose (which increase of it has recently helped my energy a lot), and an antipsychotic which works pretty darn well.
 
Hey Ho-CHi,

To successfully maintain recovery we need to find reliable exits out of the addictive cycle. Its good to take regular checks where we are at in the cycle. At this point where do you think you are at? Post #3 Addiction Guide

Adding alcohol to you situation and medications will produce undesirable results.

Try playing the whole scene forward, but instead of concentrating on negative effects to your life instead try focusing on how you will actually feel. If you do this honestly you will see that you will feel misery instead of the fantasy of pleasure your being fed.
 
Thanks for the quick response! I don't have time right now to read the entire (very comprehensive) link you cited, but I would have to say that I'm addicted to escaping more than any individual drug. The immanency of feeling truly from a substance is just so easy to attain. I never developed much of an addiction to one substance or another, but to the feeling of "freedom".

Thanks for the support on not drinking!

Natural pleasure is hard for me to feel. I guess that's why they put me on medication for depression. I'm seeing the doctor soon, so as I said, I will ask about getting medication so that I don't feel anxious/depressed/borderline psychotic as much.

Thank You!
 
You need to replace the addiction with other healthy activities. Cravings will come and go and it varies for different people...
 
Ho Chi Minh, I don't have any thing wise to say but I just wanted you to know that I think you are very strong and wise and that I believe you have both of those to draw on. Just put "small mind" on alert that you've heard all this temptation before. Mostly I just want you to know you have my support.
 
i can relate to alot of what you wrote ho-chi-minh

i agree with phactor, i make it a big priority to go for a run every morning after my coffee, it helps reduce the levels of stress in my life, and i feel better emotionally, and notice that i smoke less and use less drugs when i am doing it regularly, which improves my motivation to run.
 
Thanks guys :)

I went out and exercised today and felt better. I also had my antidepressant bumped up and it already seems to help only a couple days in. I don't rely on caffeine and nicotine to make me happy as much. I also stopped smoking, this time for good! So I've rolled back the slow process of eventual relapse. I think a lot of my depression is related to energy. I think the biggest hurdle I have is learning how to cope without the straight shot of euphoria that stimulants can provide. It's a false sense of happiness by the very definition of the phrase.

I was on selegiline for a couple months. Does anyone know if because I was on an MAOI my SNRI won't work, or won't work as well? It did give me some mood swings, but yesterday I felt angry too for some reason--just irritable at the people around me. I'm glad I didn't start a confrontation.

I was on so many medications before. I was taking a benzo at a high dose and a high dose of a stimulant, plus others...

I kind of want to look into supplements to improve my mood/motivation, but I don't want anything to mess with the effectiveness of my medicine.
 
The fact that you caught this and handled it is huge. This is how we learn to grow in recovery!
 
I'm only on supplements these days but yes they can help mood/motivation. Keep in mind they are a lot more subtle then drugs/alcohol tho. I find tianeptine, sulbutiamine, pramiracetam, choline, and phenibut all work well for anxiety/depression/lack of motivation with minimal side effects. Of course YMMV, make sure to do your own research before trying anything new.

Also maybe check out modafinil, i've never tried it but have heard great things about it. Sounds sort of like a stimulant without the mind altering effects.

Keep up the good work and hang in there it gets easier!
 
escape20 said:
I'm only on supplements these days but yes they can help mood/motivation. Keep in mind they are a lot more subtle then drugs/alcohol tho. I find tianeptine, sulbutiamine, pramiracetam, choline, and phenibut all work well for anxiety/depression/lack of motivation with minimal side effects. Of course YMMV, make sure to do your own research before trying anything new.

Also maybe check out modafinil, i've never tried it but have heard great things about it. Sounds sort of like a stimulant without the mind altering effects.

Keep up the good work and hang in there it gets easier!
Click to expand...

So happy for you <3
 
Thanks guys!

I talked to my therapist about my depression today and I think we got somewhere. If the recent increase in my medication doesn't help by the next time I see my doctor I'm going to ask about something dopaminergic, something not necessarily addictive (stimulants clearly are) but maybe a MAOI.
 
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