Gr8efulNotDeadHead
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2016
- Messages
- 1
Okay, This is the first time Im reaching out to the world about this cause the doctor and everyone Ive met is stumped and cant relate, hopefully someone here can... I abused every drug but heroin from 15-23, and 11 years ago, i took too much LSD and ended up in some kind of "moment of death loop" of some sort. I thought I died, and it was done, and when I eventually pulled out of it, i feel like i left myself behind in another dimension or something, or im in some strange afterlife to take care of unfinished business? I wonder if i was cremated... buried... I can keep going... I worry so much about it 24/7, even in my sleep... i eventually got clean a couple years later in July of 2007 (from absolutely everything!) It's now 2016, and i still experience these mumbled up jumbled loop broken record messages over and over that are annoying as hell... I've taken series of different medications, under the observation of a doctor, and being completely honest with him. The Doc prescribed things like wellbutrin, celexa, lexapro, risperdal, cymbalta, albilify, xanax, atarax, buspar, and thorazine, some have put swim in a better mood for a few months and would constantly switch up and mix under doctors order... i didnt handle xanax so well and ended up abusing them and throwing away 3 years and 3 months of sobriety... im about to lose my freaking mind that's hanging on by a thread... i just quit smoking cigs and vaping 8 months ago (for the 99th time) and that still didnt help... I've done 12 step recovery programs and meeting (AA, NA, Celebrate Recovery) community involvement, church, bible reading, hypnotherapy (from youtube... lol) and im running out of options... However despite all what im going through, i live on my own, very mechanically and electronically inclined, im a single father, work full time, and volunteer in my son's school and im involved with my daughter part time. i can hold conversations, do daily activities, but its seriously like a freaking war... ive been calling them "flashbacks" cause HPPD seems more visual and I dont see things, i do however constantly hear a slight ringing sound, especially around electronics... I dont know what to do or who to call anymore and feel trapped. i always have to convince myself that im not dead, and have to go into a distraction-less room, light a candle, burn an incense, read a self help book... listen to different types of music... can anyone relate? I havnt used any illegal drugs in 4 years, and a month. I'm afraid of even a flake of pot, or a drop of beer, and cant really even talk about hallucinogens cause those are what brought him to his knees and probably did some brain damage... please help...
Mri? Brain Scan of some sort?

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