Hellomynameisx
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2015
- Messages
- 5
hello, so I'm asking here because I can't think of anywhere else to go at this point, and have tried finding other people with similar experiences online, but have had no such luck.
long story short, I got into banging crystal last year, and started losing my mental stability pretty quickly. I got my shit together a little and was sober for 5 months. but I started using again. my biggest issue with crystal was that I developed this intense delusion (I'm going to call it a delusion just to make it easier to write, but I'm still convinced it's not, more on that to come) that my breath smelled like literal shit, and it wasn't due to poor oral hygiene. I tweaked on cleaning my mouth. it got to the point where I couldn't be around anyone and would hold my breath until hyperventilating whenever I had to. I knew it wasn't coming from my mouth, so I tried to self diagnose and thought I had stomach parasites, or a fungal infection, etc. I went to the doctor, and asked everyone I knew if my breath smelled all the time. a few times I was told yes, but the answer was usually a resounding NO. however, I could tell by people's mannerisms, and the way that they would interact with me when I hadn't been using versus when I had, that something wasn't right. but everyone still insisted it didn't smell. so I got clean and the delusion persisted for a while, but eventually faded. I no longer worried about it and didn't notice anyone acting differently towards me.
so about a month ago I started using drugs again. it came right back. so I only used crystal for a week and I stopped and haven't since. it's just not a good drug for me. however, I have been IVing heroin, which isn't something I had done prior to this month. it's less prevalent than with meth, but I'm still having the same experiences. in my head I've concluded that it dries out my lungs and that must be where the smell is coming from because it doesn't seem to matter whether I breathe out through my nose or mouth, I still sense disgust in those around me. so my question is has anyone ever experienced this or met someone who has?
I drink plenty of fluids, I take showers, irrigate my sinuses, everything I can think of to restore moisture, but the only thing that seems to make it wear off is time.
those closest to me tell me it's in my head, and I can't ask them anymore because it's become a point of contention. I ONLY notice it in those around me when I slam, and not every time. but it's incredibly draining to constantly be worried and thinking about it. I guess my other question is, is it possible that my anxiety over the issue is causing it to manifest? when my mouth dries out when I'm worried about it, nothing seems to help. I do every remedy for dry mouth, but until I stop fixating it just stays with me. I'm just trying to see if anyone's ever seen this before. I know shooting causes dry mouth and that causes bad breath, but I'm talking about a different kind of bad breath. like room clearing, shit breath. i can't think of any root where it would be stemming from if it was, in fact, occurring. but I also can't understand why everyone would lie to me if it was as bad as i think it is. idk call me crazy lol
it sounds crazy I know. but it bugs me that even heroin is bringing it up. idk any thoughts? hopefully I got my point across, it's convoluted, and hard to put on paper as it's not entirely logical. but hopefully someone can give some insight
long story short, I got into banging crystal last year, and started losing my mental stability pretty quickly. I got my shit together a little and was sober for 5 months. but I started using again. my biggest issue with crystal was that I developed this intense delusion (I'm going to call it a delusion just to make it easier to write, but I'm still convinced it's not, more on that to come) that my breath smelled like literal shit, and it wasn't due to poor oral hygiene. I tweaked on cleaning my mouth. it got to the point where I couldn't be around anyone and would hold my breath until hyperventilating whenever I had to. I knew it wasn't coming from my mouth, so I tried to self diagnose and thought I had stomach parasites, or a fungal infection, etc. I went to the doctor, and asked everyone I knew if my breath smelled all the time. a few times I was told yes, but the answer was usually a resounding NO. however, I could tell by people's mannerisms, and the way that they would interact with me when I hadn't been using versus when I had, that something wasn't right. but everyone still insisted it didn't smell. so I got clean and the delusion persisted for a while, but eventually faded. I no longer worried about it and didn't notice anyone acting differently towards me.
so about a month ago I started using drugs again. it came right back. so I only used crystal for a week and I stopped and haven't since. it's just not a good drug for me. however, I have been IVing heroin, which isn't something I had done prior to this month. it's less prevalent than with meth, but I'm still having the same experiences. in my head I've concluded that it dries out my lungs and that must be where the smell is coming from because it doesn't seem to matter whether I breathe out through my nose or mouth, I still sense disgust in those around me. so my question is has anyone ever experienced this or met someone who has?
I drink plenty of fluids, I take showers, irrigate my sinuses, everything I can think of to restore moisture, but the only thing that seems to make it wear off is time.
those closest to me tell me it's in my head, and I can't ask them anymore because it's become a point of contention. I ONLY notice it in those around me when I slam, and not every time. but it's incredibly draining to constantly be worried and thinking about it. I guess my other question is, is it possible that my anxiety over the issue is causing it to manifest? when my mouth dries out when I'm worried about it, nothing seems to help. I do every remedy for dry mouth, but until I stop fixating it just stays with me. I'm just trying to see if anyone's ever seen this before. I know shooting causes dry mouth and that causes bad breath, but I'm talking about a different kind of bad breath. like room clearing, shit breath. i can't think of any root where it would be stemming from if it was, in fact, occurring. but I also can't understand why everyone would lie to me if it was as bad as i think it is. idk call me crazy lol
it sounds crazy I know. but it bugs me that even heroin is bringing it up. idk any thoughts? hopefully I got my point across, it's convoluted, and hard to put on paper as it's not entirely logical. but hopefully someone can give some insight