Recovery/Withdrawal Symptom Assistance Required

[blight12]

Hi all,

Firstly, I would like to say I feel blessed to be posting here today instead of elsewhere on this forum as I usually would. It tells me I am on the path of recovery instead of continual usage as i was before when i made all my previous posts on this great forum.

I hope this is the right place for this. I just need a small confirmation or assurance with an issue I am having in my recovery so I will try keep this short, however some background info may be necessary (I can tend to over elaborate in the hope of improved clarity and thus higher quality feedback so please forgive me, just skip to the end for the question if necessary...)

I recently (past 4 weeks) completed the following : Came off 7 years of SSRI's (50mg Paxil) in 1 week which went far better then expected by using some awesome supplemental aids, stopped drinking daily (now 2-3 times per week), cut daily cig smoking in half (this bstard is my most difficult addiction), stopped the crystal meth 4 weeks back (only used over weekends perviously, seemed like it never caused withdrawals or issues during breaks in the past but not sure if that's reality or some self delusion or justification...) and finally stopped the daily Kratom usage (this was the last action, i will miss my Kratom more then all the rest...).

Why i did all this was to peruse a personal spiritual path, i only mention this because I have always believed (just imo) that one needs a real reason of significant importance to yourself personally to effectively attack an addiction. Glad to have found one, whatever it may be...

Anyways, with the background info clarified, the issue that I am having sounds silly and its origin is likely obvious to most but as we all might have experienced, anxiety/fear is very difficult to rationalize, explain logically, deal with via common sense etc

For example when you have a panic attack and know it is a physical PA with 99% certainty, that 1% still somehow makes you uncertain if the terrifying fear you feel is all in your head/SNS based or if there might be some genuine reason to be afraid like perhaps your withdrawals are straining your heart and you could die (bleh)! I am certain real Anxiety and the related Instincts are one of life's toughest challenges...

Anyways, most of the stuff i can deal with, its tough but 6 years back I destroyed myself on MDMA and fortunately learnt from dealing with the consequences for many years. As some will know there may be no tougher teacher on the nature of pure fear, anguish and depression then MDMA when properly abused...

So apart from the rest of the shit that I can reconcile and deal with, what I am struggling with is my breathing and more accurately the sensation that I am not getting in sufficient oxygen and I am breathless constantly. Its not gasping for each breath as if it was like a panic attack but just the horrible feeling that the air you need is just a bit more then you can physically achieve with breathing. Its a subtle torture akin to death by tiny papercuts so to speak.

Its mild enough with the lack of other SNS based anxiety symptoms to make me think there is real physical issue related to BP, dangerous withdrawal stress on the heart, lung dysfunction etc. I could go on and on with regards to seemingly logical health related possibilities.

What would help is confirmation that this is the typical anxiety based symptom of breathlessness (or could there be a health issue) and if there is any way to help this without taking any anxiety medication or addictive substances, which would defeat the entire purpose of this exercise. I know alcohol and Valium help but how do you manage without relying on just another substance to help and thus simply replacing one crux for another?

Thank you my friends. Sorry for the length.

 

[theseeker]

Right off the bat: go see a Dr. This will kill the anxiety as well as 1) Getting yourself checked out is almost always reassuring, 2) If there is something wrong- it can probably be fixed, 3) maybe the Dr. can help you out with this terrible anxiety you're having. You've made some very sudden changes to your neurochemistry recently- it's a temporary thing but maybe you could do with a little help. I have horrible anxiety and my Dr has me on diazepam. There's a lot of downsides to Benzo's but if you only need them for a short time maybe it would be worth it? It sounds very difficult to carry on as you are.

 

[blight12]

^^ Yeah thanks man, its that reassurance that does work so well with anxiety. It sorta confirms your not going insane. Yeah i tried to keep away from the benzos after almost killing myself multiple times with mere ambien/zolpidem. Plus a benzo habit sounds really shitty. I was hoping there was some sort of natural way to remove the shortness of breath. Doc has already confirmed its not a health issue but still the mind thinks it might be.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

I think I know the exact feeling you're talking about. I have had this problem since quitting drugs too.

I don't know if it's "normal" or not, it may be a form of central apnea. I am waiting to have it properly studied (monitoring of my breathing, oxygen saturation, a sleep study, etc). I don't seem to have any real lung problems, it seems more likely to be a problem with my brain not communicating properly with my respiratory center. I have no idea if it's the same for you, but my symptoms sound like what is referred to as dyspnea or "air hunger": a subjective experience of breathing discomfort, disordered or inadequate breathing, an uncomfortable awareness of breathing, or a perception that you are not breathing fully or getting enough oxygen.

It could very well be a physical symptom of anxiety even though you don't have other symptoms of anxiety. I will notice sometimes that my chest or abdomen feels tight.

When did this start and how long has it been happening for?

I do think, since mine has lasted so long, that it's a good idea for you to see a (good) doctor soon so you can hopefully find out if there is a cause or treatment for it. I wish I had done that sooner, I just assumed it was a withdrawal symptom that would get better on it's own in a reasonable timeframe. At the very least they can rule out any serious medical conditions like heart or lung issues and give you some peace of mind. If your doctor has already ruled those out that doesn't mean it's "not a health issue". Things like apnea are possibilities. Did they do pulse oximetry on you?

 

[blight12]

For sure I will get a check up thanks.You description sounds exactly what im talking about. Especially the idea of the constant awareness of breathing. I cant stop thinking about it.

Well it started a few months back when reading about opiate based respiratory depression it made me focus on my breathing and since then it feels like its gotten worse and i always think about it. Initially it manifested when taking alot of Kratom due to uber tolerance and therefore stressing about my breathing stopping because the high dose Kratom always causes anxiety for me without any good effects when the tolerance is fucked.

It still seems related to anxiety however since its made worse by smoking as i understand possibly due to stimulant effect on SNS increasing the anxiety however of course smoking would make a real issue worse as well so hmmm. Smoking has always however seemed to spike my anxiety somehow. Also alcohol and stimulants kill it as I assume might also happen due to their anti anxiety effects. It comes and goes seemingly unrelated to physical exertion etc as well.

Why i think it might be anxiety is due to a few real panic attacks where my greatest discomfort was that feeling of gasping for air, always feeling like each breath is your last. It feels similar but less extreme.

I hate how anxiety can feel so real like a real physical problem. Most people like my mother stress about the heart shit with anxiety. She has feared heart palpitations all her life and nothing i can say about the fact that its a harmless panic attack anxiety issue seems to minimize the fear.

But as you say its never certain in your mind. I hate the doubt. But i will check with the doc based on your info. Thanks.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

Interesting, do you find it to worsen while you're actually smoking, or afterwards? There is a lack of good systematic studies on the effect of nicotine or smoke on breathing - some data suggest that nicotine is a respiratory stimulant and that it decreases upper airway resistance air-flow, while other data suggest that cigarette smoke tends to obstruct air-flow through the upper airway. So I can't really tell you if smoking could be exacerbating a physical issue like apnea or is simply making you anxious. But smoking cigarettes reduces the ability of red blood cells to carry oxygen and reduces lung function. Anyway, just another good reason for us to quit smoking! That is my last thing I still need to quit.

Anxiety can feel like a physical issue because in my view it sort of is, I think there is a false distinction between the mind and body being somehow separate: the brain controls the body. Neurotransmitters and hormones and such have real physical effects.

Working on reducing your anxiety is an excellent idea. Have you tried deep breathing techniques, meditation, etc? Do you get enough exercise?

Also, do you have any sleep problems?

 

[theseeker]

Have you tried deep breathing techniques, meditation, etc? Do you get enough exercise?

These points can't be over emphasized. If you are not doing one or two of these activities now, it would be my strongest recommendation that that you start immediately. Meditation takes a lot of practice, but I feel it works. Also, aerobic exercise will force you to breath regularly- you'll have no choice.