Hey guys, i'm new to the site but ive had this problem for a few years now and don't know where else to turn for some feedback. Any response you guys might have would really help me out, so thank you all in advance!
ive tried going to doctors and neurologists etc, but noone can give me a definitive answer to what actually happened to me. So i dont know what else to do, but my main focus now is not just to figure out what happened, but to see if there is a light at the end of the tunnel - if recovery is possible, becuase it sure doesn't feel like it. I just wanted to share my story with anyone who will read it and and feedback would be appreciated.
I used to be an occasional user of ecstasy(once every month or so), and prided myself on always being healthy - knowing what supplements to take before and after to limit damage etc. I also eat very healthy and am a borderline bodybuilder working out twice a day usually.
Before i started ecstasy i used to consume so much caffeine every day and just loved stimulants in general, and i feel like this didnt help with what happened. At a rave two years ago i had a great first day but ended up having a weird attack the morning after where is was hard to breathe and everything was going black and i was shivering, this was after rolling, no sleep and downing an energy drink. I went to the hospital and they gave me fluids and it went away after a while. After that i stayed off everything for 6 months until my next rave.
I had the best roll of my life that night and took 4 strong pills. Everything was amazing until the after party where i smoked a joint(i never smoke weed, and it affects me badly). I then noticed a stiffness starting on the top of my head and traveling down my spine, locking my muscles as it went down. i tried to overlook it but it got worse until i was shaking so much i couldnt see straight. The i started to have confusion, i knew where i was and what i was doing but i would be in one place and then another place with no recolection of me walking there. i felt boiling, like my head was going to explode from pressure but i wasnt that hot to touch. Also i couldnt focus my eyes on anything right in front of my face, when i tried to focus on my finger in front of my eyes, the top of my head would spasm and i couldnt do it.
I went to the hospital and they didnt seem to care much, so they hooked my up to an IV but that didnt seem to help. They released me and i was delirious and boiling until it wore off and i fell asleep. I felt fine the next day, and went to the second day of the rave and rolled again off one pill( i know im an idiot), and i had a great time with no implications.
The problems came after that. Since that day i have suffered from headaches on the top of my head, blurry vision in my left eye many times a day, odd weakness on the left or right sides of my body(not actual weakness it only feels weak), just feeling off. Not sick, just wrong. My neck sometimes swells up and i have minor muscle spasms. At first i thought the pain in my head was reffered pain from muscle spasms in my neck, and from spasms i experienced on that horrible day in my head.
The weeks after were horrible, i couldnt leave my room, but they eventually dissapated to the point where i could live normally with only similar daily symptoms on a smaller scale. Once i thought i was ok, i even started up again, the occasional night on cocaine, rolling etc. But i was petrified - every experience after that made me extremely jittery with a slight pain on top of my head and my ears would keep popping as if there was pressure in my head and around my ears.
its been 3 months since ive done any stimulants at all, and i still suffer from these headaches and muscle spasms. Some days are worse than others. Despite being the healthiest person i know, i cant seem to get rid of these afflictions no matter what i do, though they have gotten progressivly better. However if i drink even iced tea i get that similar fear again - im not sure if my mind is creating this illusion or not! The reason why im so depressed about this is because i used to be invincible - i could handle anything and i thought it was because of my great health that i could do this. but it still came crashing down.
i went for every brain test, all inconclusive except for my EEG which was abnormal with slow lapses. I dont want to take any medication as i dont believe that is the way to recovery.
I just wanted to get anyones opinion on what you guys think happened to me, so i can focus my recovery and know what to do. I want to recover so badly, mostly becuase i want my lifestyle back - not exactly as it was, but being more careful of course. I want to be able to roll occasionally or have a cup of coffee if i desire it without this fear. Do you guys think i will ever be able to resume my normality again? is there anything i should take(like supplements) to speed my recovery? I take vitamins, fish oils, antioxidants, but sometimes i feel like these trigger a headache though im not sure. Are too many vitamins actually hindering my recovery? If you think recovery is possible how long should i stay off everything? I just want my life back....or some semblance of it anyway.
I know that was long and i thank you so much for taking the time, i just dont know what to do anymore - sometimes i dont know if ill ever return to how i was before and if i am recovering its so slow as to be almost unnoticeable. Once again thank you, anything you guys have to say would be greatly appreciated!
ive tried going to doctors and neurologists etc, but noone can give me a definitive answer to what actually happened to me. So i dont know what else to do, but my main focus now is not just to figure out what happened, but to see if there is a light at the end of the tunnel - if recovery is possible, becuase it sure doesn't feel like it. I just wanted to share my story with anyone who will read it and and feedback would be appreciated.
I used to be an occasional user of ecstasy(once every month or so), and prided myself on always being healthy - knowing what supplements to take before and after to limit damage etc. I also eat very healthy and am a borderline bodybuilder working out twice a day usually.
Before i started ecstasy i used to consume so much caffeine every day and just loved stimulants in general, and i feel like this didnt help with what happened. At a rave two years ago i had a great first day but ended up having a weird attack the morning after where is was hard to breathe and everything was going black and i was shivering, this was after rolling, no sleep and downing an energy drink. I went to the hospital and they gave me fluids and it went away after a while. After that i stayed off everything for 6 months until my next rave.
I had the best roll of my life that night and took 4 strong pills. Everything was amazing until the after party where i smoked a joint(i never smoke weed, and it affects me badly). I then noticed a stiffness starting on the top of my head and traveling down my spine, locking my muscles as it went down. i tried to overlook it but it got worse until i was shaking so much i couldnt see straight. The i started to have confusion, i knew where i was and what i was doing but i would be in one place and then another place with no recolection of me walking there. i felt boiling, like my head was going to explode from pressure but i wasnt that hot to touch. Also i couldnt focus my eyes on anything right in front of my face, when i tried to focus on my finger in front of my eyes, the top of my head would spasm and i couldnt do it.
I went to the hospital and they didnt seem to care much, so they hooked my up to an IV but that didnt seem to help. They released me and i was delirious and boiling until it wore off and i fell asleep. I felt fine the next day, and went to the second day of the rave and rolled again off one pill( i know im an idiot), and i had a great time with no implications.
The problems came after that. Since that day i have suffered from headaches on the top of my head, blurry vision in my left eye many times a day, odd weakness on the left or right sides of my body(not actual weakness it only feels weak), just feeling off. Not sick, just wrong. My neck sometimes swells up and i have minor muscle spasms. At first i thought the pain in my head was reffered pain from muscle spasms in my neck, and from spasms i experienced on that horrible day in my head.
The weeks after were horrible, i couldnt leave my room, but they eventually dissapated to the point where i could live normally with only similar daily symptoms on a smaller scale. Once i thought i was ok, i even started up again, the occasional night on cocaine, rolling etc. But i was petrified - every experience after that made me extremely jittery with a slight pain on top of my head and my ears would keep popping as if there was pressure in my head and around my ears.
its been 3 months since ive done any stimulants at all, and i still suffer from these headaches and muscle spasms. Some days are worse than others. Despite being the healthiest person i know, i cant seem to get rid of these afflictions no matter what i do, though they have gotten progressivly better. However if i drink even iced tea i get that similar fear again - im not sure if my mind is creating this illusion or not! The reason why im so depressed about this is because i used to be invincible - i could handle anything and i thought it was because of my great health that i could do this. but it still came crashing down.
i went for every brain test, all inconclusive except for my EEG which was abnormal with slow lapses. I dont want to take any medication as i dont believe that is the way to recovery.
I just wanted to get anyones opinion on what you guys think happened to me, so i can focus my recovery and know what to do. I want to recover so badly, mostly becuase i want my lifestyle back - not exactly as it was, but being more careful of course. I want to be able to roll occasionally or have a cup of coffee if i desire it without this fear. Do you guys think i will ever be able to resume my normality again? is there anything i should take(like supplements) to speed my recovery? I take vitamins, fish oils, antioxidants, but sometimes i feel like these trigger a headache though im not sure. Are too many vitamins actually hindering my recovery? If you think recovery is possible how long should i stay off everything? I just want my life back....or some semblance of it anyway.
I know that was long and i thank you so much for taking the time, i just dont know what to do anymore - sometimes i dont know if ill ever return to how i was before and if i am recovering its so slow as to be almost unnoticeable. Once again thank you, anything you guys have to say would be greatly appreciated!
