My HP is many things and goes by many names. It manifests in many forms and many people. Most importantly, its mine and something I am comfortable with.
It is what kept me alive, gives me direction, works through people in my life, places people in my life, what I communicate with when I pray and meditate, wants to help me, loves me, cares for me, something I can totally trust. I see my higher power in my fellow human beings and as well as animals. It is the law of the universe, the white light, the majestic mountain, the calming sea, the flowing river, the sun, the moon, what I feel when I am doing the right thing and/or am feeling really connected to Earth, other people, society etc. Most importantly, its something that I can turn things over to when I feel overwhelmed. I cannot control other people and their reactions, I can only control my reaction and my feelings and my response. That is huge for me. If this is "submission" then so be it. I feel much better "submitting" then I did constantly trying to fight myself. This is something that is much much greater then myself. I am not the Center of the Universe.
I have a long way to go in developing my Higher Power, but the only thing that I have to believe is that something greater then myself exists. This is what I am told by everyone who has been around for awhile. It says "as we understood him" for a reason. My understanding changes and grows all the time. That is pretty cool.
Is it a Christian God? Nope. Do I think many people in NA relegate their HP to the Christian Concept of God? Not really. I used to think that, but when I actually attempted to get to know the other members I found out that many have very similar concepts of spirituality that I do. Many addicts have been through Hell and back, and that creates a type of spirituality that is very unique for each person. Its not "pseudo-spiritual" for me, its something very real. I also attend CBT sessions and have a very good therapist. I've tried SMART which has lots of good concepts, Rational Recovery doesn't make much sense to me but I can see how others could find success in it.
NA and The Steps allow a spiritual infant like myself to try to live a spiritual lifestyle. NA works FOR ME. It took me a long long time to get it, but when I went in with a true open mind something just clicked. I used to attack the 12 steps all the time, but in reality I was trying to create excuses for myself to still use. "I don't need that "God Stuff", I am better then them, I can drink a beer here and there after I take some time off. They are stupid, they need to believe in some "God" and I don't. They are Christian...." Blah blah blah, all bullshit and misdirected anger. I also seriously used to get angry at people talking the 12 steps (I think because I was somewhat jealous they could stay clean and I couldn't and because I was scared to stop using) as well as get pissed sometimes when some people would genuinely say "God bless you" to me (because I hated myself, why should I be blessed)?
I don't really like AA personally, but NA really hits home. The literature really speaks to me and I love love love the diversity you find in the rooms of NA. I don't read any of the Big Book nor focus on it really. AA has some great ideas, NA makes it accessible for people like me. I don't feel comfortable around a bunch of old white dudes, but I feel really comfortable in a room full of all different types of people. Something powerful in a group of many different people coming together to recover. This is just my experience.
I also went out after a meeting last night with about 4 people, 2 of which were atheists. This is NA, I cannot speak for AA (nor can I speak beyond my experience with NA). I personally tended to find AA to be more "religious" in my area but this varies big time.
plus the cigarette smoking was truly unproductive inregards to where I was at the time. I'd actually like to go back and see if I could make the meetings work this time.
Were people smoking inside the meeting? Where I live there haven't been smoking meetings for years. Most people smoke, but they do it outside.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...essarily-god/2011/07/12/gIQAgP47WI_story.html
That is a pretty quick and decent article. NA doesn't require a submission to God or anything like that. Just a an admission that something bigger then you is out there. IMO, its about trying to break through the self-centeredness that many addicts have. I sure as hell did, and for a long time I thought I was the total opposite.
Just want to be clear: I am writing this stuff out FOR ME, I cannot tell anyone else to believe nor do I want to. Maybe it helps, maybe it doesn't. But my mind can be so jumbled often, that I really need to write shit down.
I cannot see the "higher power" as a force to be submitted to, as some would describe it. For me it has to be something I care about more than myself and not an abstract spiritual entity.....that said, raising my son and doing right by him does have very serious spiritual implications to me personally.
I'd say that the love you feel for your son is something greater then yourself. The love I feel for my family is a power greater then myself. Thats just me though. The steps don't say "a power that you submit to that will make you stop using". People promise God that they are going to quit all the time and it doesn't work. I did. Again, just my thoughts. But love is certainly something that is greater then myself.
For example: I never want my 2 year old niece and infant nephew to know me in active addiction. They are huge motivators for me. This is a major driver for me. Also, with my family genetics, its likely that one of my children (none for me yet) or my two sisters kids will likely be addicts. I want to be there for them if that happens.
