I think I've discovered why it is that after two days off I'm tired as shit for like 5 days after that all I can do right when I get home is sleep and of course it's drug related. Typically, I use on my days off and the first two or three days at work I'll shoot up before going in...I've thought about taking a shot with me but am too scared of the risks involved with taking heroin to work.
I think that after all that using though my body is just burned out, not to mention nodding out isn't the same as getting some real good solid sleep. Which if you think about it, when I'm using dope most of the time I nod off instead of sleep and that goes from the moment I get my dope till I do my last shot because when I use heroin...I use it consistently till it's gone. I am only awake now because I couldn't sleep and woke up, but by the time I got back to bed I was already wide awake and figured I'd stay up because I haven't been awake past 8pm for the past week.
This gives me time to finally update a little too with what's been going on in my personal life. Olive left back to South Dakota on wed, I saw her for the last time that tue [nov, 10 2009] . It was great seeing her, and even with her being a junkie friend I still helped her out by giving her 10 suboxone to help with her kick. But I do wish her the best and hope she does get clean, I myself am in that battle of sobriety and know how hard it is. But I have faith she can do it, even if i can't...yet. When we kicked for that last time, it really made me realize how much I'm going to miss this girl. She was part of my life change over the past year. I forgot to get farmboy's information so I could visit him in jail, but she gave me a number I could contact her at which I will do soon here because I really do want to see Farmer too. I have enough love for the boy to visit him in jail and I want him to know that.
That last night I saw Olive too she hooked me up with one of her dealers too for the suboxone (which she didn't have to, I have ways to get heroin if I really want it but it still was nice of her to hook me up like that so I don't have to go through bullshit to get dope). With my luck anyway, this guy will go to jail soon, seems like all the dealers I get that have direct numbers already end up getting arrested shortly after I get their info.
Other then that, at work my general manager talked to me because the number of phone calls I've been taking have reduced a lot since I started working my new shift, which I thought might have been because I was too fucked up at times. But after today being completely sober and tallying up all the orders I took, I took around 40 calls. Which is about what she was considering "low" because when I worked the 8-5 shift I had around 60+ calls. I'm going to tell her I think it's the hours I work, because I come in at 11am, I miss the morning rush and only catch the evening rush around 3-5pm then it's pretty slow after that so I don't get a lot of phone entry calls.
I just hope I don't lose my job, I'm going to try as hard as I can to get those high numbers, but if they aren't high enough I'm going to bring it to her attention that it has nothing to do with my performance, but rather the shift I am working.
I think that after all that using though my body is just burned out, not to mention nodding out isn't the same as getting some real good solid sleep. Which if you think about it, when I'm using dope most of the time I nod off instead of sleep and that goes from the moment I get my dope till I do my last shot because when I use heroin...I use it consistently till it's gone. I am only awake now because I couldn't sleep and woke up, but by the time I got back to bed I was already wide awake and figured I'd stay up because I haven't been awake past 8pm for the past week.
This gives me time to finally update a little too with what's been going on in my personal life. Olive left back to South Dakota on wed, I saw her for the last time that tue [nov, 10 2009] . It was great seeing her, and even with her being a junkie friend I still helped her out by giving her 10 suboxone to help with her kick. But I do wish her the best and hope she does get clean, I myself am in that battle of sobriety and know how hard it is. But I have faith she can do it, even if i can't...yet. When we kicked for that last time, it really made me realize how much I'm going to miss this girl. She was part of my life change over the past year. I forgot to get farmboy's information so I could visit him in jail, but she gave me a number I could contact her at which I will do soon here because I really do want to see Farmer too. I have enough love for the boy to visit him in jail and I want him to know that.
That last night I saw Olive too she hooked me up with one of her dealers too for the suboxone (which she didn't have to, I have ways to get heroin if I really want it but it still was nice of her to hook me up like that so I don't have to go through bullshit to get dope). With my luck anyway, this guy will go to jail soon, seems like all the dealers I get that have direct numbers already end up getting arrested shortly after I get their info.
Other then that, at work my general manager talked to me because the number of phone calls I've been taking have reduced a lot since I started working my new shift, which I thought might have been because I was too fucked up at times. But after today being completely sober and tallying up all the orders I took, I took around 40 calls. Which is about what she was considering "low" because when I worked the 8-5 shift I had around 60+ calls. I'm going to tell her I think it's the hours I work, because I come in at 11am, I miss the morning rush and only catch the evening rush around 3-5pm then it's pretty slow after that so I don't get a lot of phone entry calls.
I just hope I don't lose my job, I'm going to try as hard as I can to get those high numbers, but if they aren't high enough I'm going to bring it to her attention that it has nothing to do with my performance, but rather the shift I am working.