Almostlostit-Welcome. Yes, you can get back to you. I have destroyed myself more than once....I had a love affair w meth for about a year and a half. I remember feeling like I couldn't get things done or have fun without out...then I collosally (sp?) fucked my life up with heroin. I didn't abuse Adderall only because I didn't have a constant source for it. I have taken Adderall a few times, and the abuse potential was immediately obvious.
And also, I went through thinking I could not live without heroin. In short, I lost everything, ended up in jail for 6 and a half mos., and though in a financial way I am fucked....I spent all of my inheritance. Mentally I am better than I have ever been...I appreciate things, like just hanging out w one of my good friends, some that have been my friends almost all of my life, others that I met in chronic pain rehab-in a deeper way than ever.
And after all drug usage-both prescribed and illegal, I am still the me I was....with a sense of humor, loving the same things I always have....but better. I have been honest w my friends....they know my deep, dark, dirty secret of being an IV heroin addict....and they love me just the same, and treat me the same as always. No special treatment....or acting weird. Those that truly love you, always will.
You really can be a better you than ever. There is a reason why we used drugs. Make no mistake about it. My issues were addressed. In my case, along with weekly counseling, I was put on Neurontin, which helps with anxiety/panic issues that I've always struggled with. Figuring that stuff out is what changed my life. I don't say that lightly. I don't say things like that....ever. I'm a skeptic. But it's the truth.
Even with all of the above said, I have bad days, where I either have cravings, or am just feeling shitty. But I try to put things in perspective, and realize its a rough patch, not a permanent situation. I reach out to friends and tell them I'm struggling....sometimes that helps and other times I have to ride it out. And indeed, you can be you again. Good luck to you.
