Foreigner
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2009
- Messages
- 8,333
I apologize if this is posted in the wrong place. I'm new here and after reading the FAQ I'm still not sure.
I am here to tell a story and to seek some advice. I'll preface this by saying I'm a very experienced LSD user, been doing it for years in healthy recreational amounts with no problems. Last week, with a friend, I took the usual two tabs which is usually sufficient for me; but on this night, after over an hour and a half of waiting, there was barely any effect. My friend had already started tripping so I was worried that it wasn't going to happen for me. I got impatient and took another tab. It was one too many.
This trip was combined with oxytocin (bio-identical kind, sublingually) and cannabis. I also took a couple of choline tablets and a shot of grapefruit juice hours prior to the trip, as I find the former provides brain sustenance during the catabolic processes of the trip, and the latter prolongs things. The oxytocin creates a nurturing, mothering, "Goddessy" vibe to the trip so that it isn't so harsh, and that you feel safe and secure. It's only the second time I've combined it with LSD and the previous two times were very harmonious and loving. This time, however, the extra tab just did me in.
It was so strong that I couldn't move, couldn't speak, didn't know who I was, where I was, or how to relate to my friend. It felt like everything I said to her came out wrong. I had to completely surrender myself to the sheer catabolic nature of the drug, and just lay there helplessly. We had music playing the whole time so that definitely took the edge off, but I felt completely out of control. I took some vitamin C because I read somewhere that this can purge it from your system faster, but after this experience I highly doubt that. I was hungry throughout the night but when I dragged myself to the kitchen to get food, nothing made sense. Normally my instincts can guide me through the nourishment process, but I was so exhausted (and with so many hours yet to go) that I couldn't even put a meal together. I couldn't stay grounded long enough to even know what the food meant or how to use it, and when my friend put food in front of my face I actually didn't understand what to do with it. So as a result I went hungry the whole night, including lack of water and electrolytes, which made matters much worse.
By morning I was completely spent. I don't know if others here have experienced the sheer nose-diving spiral that can occur with an LSD trip gone bad, but I was in a very negative place come morning. All I could think about was how I wanted to end my life. I was ashamed of my anti-social behavior toward my friend, even though she understood that I had exceeded my dose and kept reassuring me that guilt or shame were unnecessary. Nonetheless, I feel that the intensity of the trip has done psychological damage. Even admitting to myself that I made an impatient error in going for the third tab and that I should have waited, ended up spiralling into self-hatred. The strength and flaw of LSD is the ability to craft your own trip/reality based on your intention. Any slight negative intention can easily transform your trip into hell, and in my position of being overdosed, malnourished, and disconnected from my sources of grounding it was easy to do. So even though I logically understand what happened and know there's no point in beating myself up about it, I am psycho-emotionally traumatized from the whole thing and keep reverting back to this self-hatred loop.
After dragging myself home in the morning, I was able to eat a lot of food in the following hours, and get a bit of sleep. However, it is now almost a week later and I still feel completely and utterly mentally exhausted. At the same time, I have full on insomnia and it feels like my biological rhythms are completely out of whack. My mental thought processes seem eradic at this time. I have been having anxiety and panic attacks at random moments that are never very lasting, but they are making it hard to rest. I don't normally have anxiety/panic in my world so this is new to me. The main thing is that I just feel so tired, and my nervous system feels shot. Fortunately this all happened toward the weekend, so I have had the freedom to sleep whenever I feel like it - but it has not helped. As I have been writing this, I have been making stupid spelling and grammar errors that don't make any sense, and I'm usually a prolific writer who notices such things. (I know that could sound like paranoia, but I want you to trust me on that one.) My memory is also kind of shot, and in my daily interactions with people I feel such a disconnect. I am wondering if it's possible for an excessive dose of LSD to do brain damage? It feels like it deconstructed me to the bare bones, beyond the limits of what I could normally withstand (which is a lot). There is so much conflicting literature out there, not to mention insidious propaganda. I don't want to delve through it all in this state of mind, which is why I have come to Bluelight.
Does anyone have advice on recovery? My mind just feels so scrambled right now. I'm not tripping anymore obviously, and I'm not even having any flashbacks. I'm just feeling incredibly sensitive and depleted. A friend suggested nootropics like vinpocetine and hydergine, but I'm not sure if I want to add more chemistry to my brain right now. My nutrition has been excellent the past weekend but something doesn't feel right in my head.
Thanks for reading. And just as a forewarning, please spare me any harsh criticism - I'm in a bit of a delicate space right now and just need helpful advice because I'm feeling rather lost. I know what I did wrong and it's never going to happen again.
I am here to tell a story and to seek some advice. I'll preface this by saying I'm a very experienced LSD user, been doing it for years in healthy recreational amounts with no problems. Last week, with a friend, I took the usual two tabs which is usually sufficient for me; but on this night, after over an hour and a half of waiting, there was barely any effect. My friend had already started tripping so I was worried that it wasn't going to happen for me. I got impatient and took another tab. It was one too many.
This trip was combined with oxytocin (bio-identical kind, sublingually) and cannabis. I also took a couple of choline tablets and a shot of grapefruit juice hours prior to the trip, as I find the former provides brain sustenance during the catabolic processes of the trip, and the latter prolongs things. The oxytocin creates a nurturing, mothering, "Goddessy" vibe to the trip so that it isn't so harsh, and that you feel safe and secure. It's only the second time I've combined it with LSD and the previous two times were very harmonious and loving. This time, however, the extra tab just did me in.
It was so strong that I couldn't move, couldn't speak, didn't know who I was, where I was, or how to relate to my friend. It felt like everything I said to her came out wrong. I had to completely surrender myself to the sheer catabolic nature of the drug, and just lay there helplessly. We had music playing the whole time so that definitely took the edge off, but I felt completely out of control. I took some vitamin C because I read somewhere that this can purge it from your system faster, but after this experience I highly doubt that. I was hungry throughout the night but when I dragged myself to the kitchen to get food, nothing made sense. Normally my instincts can guide me through the nourishment process, but I was so exhausted (and with so many hours yet to go) that I couldn't even put a meal together. I couldn't stay grounded long enough to even know what the food meant or how to use it, and when my friend put food in front of my face I actually didn't understand what to do with it. So as a result I went hungry the whole night, including lack of water and electrolytes, which made matters much worse.
By morning I was completely spent. I don't know if others here have experienced the sheer nose-diving spiral that can occur with an LSD trip gone bad, but I was in a very negative place come morning. All I could think about was how I wanted to end my life. I was ashamed of my anti-social behavior toward my friend, even though she understood that I had exceeded my dose and kept reassuring me that guilt or shame were unnecessary. Nonetheless, I feel that the intensity of the trip has done psychological damage. Even admitting to myself that I made an impatient error in going for the third tab and that I should have waited, ended up spiralling into self-hatred. The strength and flaw of LSD is the ability to craft your own trip/reality based on your intention. Any slight negative intention can easily transform your trip into hell, and in my position of being overdosed, malnourished, and disconnected from my sources of grounding it was easy to do. So even though I logically understand what happened and know there's no point in beating myself up about it, I am psycho-emotionally traumatized from the whole thing and keep reverting back to this self-hatred loop.
After dragging myself home in the morning, I was able to eat a lot of food in the following hours, and get a bit of sleep. However, it is now almost a week later and I still feel completely and utterly mentally exhausted. At the same time, I have full on insomnia and it feels like my biological rhythms are completely out of whack. My mental thought processes seem eradic at this time. I have been having anxiety and panic attacks at random moments that are never very lasting, but they are making it hard to rest. I don't normally have anxiety/panic in my world so this is new to me. The main thing is that I just feel so tired, and my nervous system feels shot. Fortunately this all happened toward the weekend, so I have had the freedom to sleep whenever I feel like it - but it has not helped. As I have been writing this, I have been making stupid spelling and grammar errors that don't make any sense, and I'm usually a prolific writer who notices such things. (I know that could sound like paranoia, but I want you to trust me on that one.) My memory is also kind of shot, and in my daily interactions with people I feel such a disconnect. I am wondering if it's possible for an excessive dose of LSD to do brain damage? It feels like it deconstructed me to the bare bones, beyond the limits of what I could normally withstand (which is a lot). There is so much conflicting literature out there, not to mention insidious propaganda. I don't want to delve through it all in this state of mind, which is why I have come to Bluelight.
Does anyone have advice on recovery? My mind just feels so scrambled right now. I'm not tripping anymore obviously, and I'm not even having any flashbacks. I'm just feeling incredibly sensitive and depleted. A friend suggested nootropics like vinpocetine and hydergine, but I'm not sure if I want to add more chemistry to my brain right now. My nutrition has been excellent the past weekend but something doesn't feel right in my head.
Thanks for reading. And just as a forewarning, please spare me any harsh criticism - I'm in a bit of a delicate space right now and just need helpful advice because I'm feeling rather lost. I know what I did wrong and it's never going to happen again.