Recovering from a bad trip?

[Pagey]

Hey,

So I made a bit of a mistake last night...took about 50mg of aMT for the third time in under a week, a couple days after receiving some really shit news. The other two times went absolutely great, had amazing breakthroughs, overwhelming happiness, etc. but last night was a proper nightmare. It started out just like it always does, but after maybe 2 hours I was suddenly filled with all these thoughts about being a horrible person who doesn't deserve to live. I was literally prepared to kill myself. I've been going through a lot recently but I hadn't felt this way in over a year...it was really, really intense. Wanted nothing more than to die.
Anyway, a couple friends spoke to me the whole time and tried to calm me down etc, which did help, but they also said I would be feeling much better once the aMT wore off but...I'm not. I took the 50mg about 17 hours ago, ended up falling asleep for a while bout 7 hours ago, woke up and still feel absolutely horrible. I'm not in physical pain anymore like I was last night but I'm still having all the same thoughts, albeit maybe to a slightly lesser extent. I'm also having one of the biggest cravings for smack I've ever had (I'm a recovering heroin addict) and I basically feel absolutely empty, and like the only way out is to either kill myself, or to use h again...which is kind of the same thing. It feels like nothing matters anymore - I don't want to see anyone, to move, to do anything, even feel incapable of drinking or eating.
It actually feels much worse than last night in the middle of the trip. It's like there's a wall between me and the world. I could receive the best news of my life right now and not care.
As I said, these aren't my normal thoughts, at all, so I was just wondering if there was any way to predict approximately how long they're going to last, or any way to make them leave faster before I do something stupid.

Thanks

 

[Nooo]

A few months ago I got sold some bunk ecstasy which I think was 2-5i and I had the worst trip in my life, and I've had several bad trips on DXM (because that's the only hallucinogen I've been able to do, and yes disassociatives are hallucinogens)

Anyway after I came down from that I was disturbed for months, I lived in constant anxiety from the time I woke up to the time I went to sleep. My heart was constantly beating out of my chest while I was awake because of the anxiety, and I'm pretty sure the anxiety was brought on by how disturbed I was and how disturbing everything seemed and that I could not go on living like this. I eventually managed to get the anxiety to go away, one of the milestones in this was music. I sat down once and just listened to music which was something I normally didn't do, and it managed to make me feel better.

I think time was the best thing for it. This wouldn't be the first time that time helped me recover from a bad trip, and this wasn't the first time I lived in constant anxiety after a bad trip, this was just the first time that it lasted for months and not just weeks.

That was around 4 months ago. All the anxiety cleared up around last month. All I can really say is hang in there.


Also now thanks to that bad trip I really appreciate and respect music which is a positive thing. I think most if not all bad trips are actually good trips in that they teach you something and help you grow.

 

[Help?!?!]

Just realize you fucked up and try to learn from the experience.....what more is there to do really? If your not a stimulant person to begin with, have anxiety, aMT really isn't the one to look for anyways, at least at most times. Its surely a happy go lucky thing but it can be fairly serious as well and its mixed profile makes it unappealing for those with problems, be it compulsion, depression, anxiety, or anything of the like. Psychedelics are fickle things you need to figure out how they work with you first before you really try to play with them and all, or else they can teach and reap some hard wrought lessons. A person in turbulence usually does not need this sort of thing so treading cautiously is a real thing. I totally understand the want for death or being suicidal and all that but one thing to always remember is its just a chemical you chose to took which will end and you can/will deal with it. Nothing more really nothing less. Making rash decisions whilst under the influence of psychedelics is almost always a terrible idea, this is something to think about first when the thought of making a rash decision has entered your mind.

Anyways, grab yourself a benzo or something to get your mind of the anxiety/get some sleep, I don't recommend this normally but usually in these situations its best to just get into a good place, recuperate, and move on from there. Just remember the feelings and thoughts won't last forever and all that. aMT is a really long lasting one, and its after effects can last a bit. Especially if your thinking of dong anything drastic. Just cuddle up with some friends, explain the experience, and what the problems was or is and try to talk it out.

I personally never liked the stuff unless it was vaped or added in combo later on, but once again i'm fairly anxious and don't enjoy stim's...so!

 

[Transform]

Given that aMT is a releasing agent it's likely that although the consequences of excessive use may be much more severe immediately afterwards they will also fade much faster too.

What you're feeling now is probably more comedown/midweek blues than the psychological implications of a nightmare trip so I wouldn't be surprised if 5-HTP alongside a healthy lifestyle had you feeling better inside of a week

 

[Shambles]

Just saw this and am glad I did. Was actually gonna suggest getting a bit of advice from the fine, fine Swirlyfolk of PDland. They know of what you speak and is good to get as much perspective from as many viewpoints as possible. The first time you go through a heavy, difficult trip can be brutal. Really does come outta nowhere (or feels that way at the time, at least) and knocks the shit outta yer ferra while. But this too will pass and I think you will learn from it and hopefully also make a few things it brought up easier to work through in time. I think this may already be happening. In fact I know it is. Trussst...

Transform also makes an excellent point up there - your poor ol' brain must be pretty low on happychems at the moment which will inevitably be amplifying the flat, emotionless, negative feelings. This will sort itself out quicker than you think - and certainly sooner than it now feels. Rest and recuperation are your friends. As are your friends. Make good use of both

 

[Pagey]

Cheers for the answers.

Nooo - I've been lying down and listening to music like you suggested and it's been helping a little in that it's the only thing I feel like doing right now.
Help?!?! - I don't have anxiety or depression or any kind of issue like that really, it's just been a harsh few weeks and I pushed my luck a bit, I guess. I've only very recently quit heroin and I think I've been desperately trying to replace it with any other kind of drug. I forget that there are some that really aren't a good idea to take when you're not in a good state of mind. Lesson learned.
Transform - thanks, you're surely right...just have to keep waiting I guess. It's overwhelmingly frustrating not to be able to do anything about it. Tbh it feels like it's just getting worse and worse
Shambles - well I've already spoken to you bout all this so I won't repeat myself. But thanks for everything

Thanks again

 

[Transform]

thanks, you're surely right...just have to keep waiting I guess. It's overwhelmingly frustrating not to be able to do anything about it. Tbh it feels like it's just getting worse and worse

You can! Unfortunately it's called the midweek blues because it gets worse for a few days before it gets better, but you can take 5-HTP supplements and force yourself to do 30mins of good exercise each day and it really does help. I am unfortunate in that I only have to take MDMA one in isolation to feel really down for the next week and those two are must-take measures for me

 

[RobotRipping]

Hey,

So I made a bit of a mistake last night...took about 50mg of aMT for the third time in under a week, a couple days after receiving some really shit news. The other two times went absolutely great, had amazing breakthroughs, overwhelming happiness, etc. but last night was a proper nightmare. It started out just like it always does, but after maybe 2 hours I was suddenly filled with all these thoughts about being a horrible person who doesn't deserve to live. I was literally prepared to kill myself. I've been going through a lot recently but I hadn't felt this way in over a year...it was really, really intense. Wanted nothing more than to die.
Anyway, a couple friends spoke to me the whole time and tried to calm me down etc, which did help, but they also said I would be feeling much better once the aMT wore off but...I'm not. I took the 50mg about 17 hours ago, ended up falling asleep for a while bout 7 hours ago, woke up and still feel absolutely horrible. I'm not in physical pain anymore like I was last night but I'm still having all the same thoughts, albeit maybe to a slightly lesser extent. I'm also having one of the biggest cravings for smack I've ever had (I'm a recovering heroin addict) and I basically feel absolutely empty, and like the only way out is to either kill myself, or to use h again...which is kind of the same thing. It feels like nothing matters anymore - I don't want to see anyone, to move, to do anything, even feel incapable of drinking or eating.
It actually feels much worse than last night in the middle of the trip. It's like there's a wall between me and the world. I could receive the best news of my life right now and not care.
As I said, these aren't my normal thoughts, at all, so I was just wondering if there was any way to predict approximately how long they're going to last, or any way to make them leave faster before I do something stupid.

Thanks

how long have you been in recovery? i can't remember but it seems like its only been a few months since you were posting about still being on opiates. It takes a while to get back to normal, took me at least 6 months.

Anyway, the bad news you received, thinking you are a horrible person and not deserving to live are the issues and a psychedelic will certainly bring them to the forefront. I remember these being the same issues you've had in the past. You have to deal with them to become a better and happier person. Anyone from the outside would tell you there's absolutely no reason for you to hate yourself! You deserve life as much as anyone else does and you can achieve this and get through these issues but your #1 priority right now is to start loving who you are.

I've been dealing with the same issues, fucked up family, dad full of issues, constantly murders my self worth even though we don't talk much, the past just haunts me but i've come to accept what happened, and in turn things have gotten much better over the last year. Still get hit with the issues from time to time but i can handle it now. Therapy, psychedelics, quitting opiates and recovering all played a huge part in getting me to where i am today. Even a month ago i was struggling so bad to manage life but i kept going, and now i often have that sense that i am insanely strong, powerful and fully equipped to realize my full potential. I am positive you can get to this state as well! just takes some time and work.

when i get those feelings, i just accept that i'm feeling that way because of the fallout of drug abuse or because i have unresolved issues and i know those feelings will dissipate and the sun will shine again.

anyway to answer your question, it's tough to say but AMT lasts pretty long doesn't it? sure it's probably out of your system but you'll have the psychological fall out to deal with now but at least AMT has brought these things to your attention and showed you that they are still buried in your mind. Give it a few days, i'm sure it'll pass, if not work on these issues and i can guarantee you these feelings won't even come back and if they do, you'll be able to handle them.

 

[Ciosrataecz]

I try tripping again to find out where & what went wrong. & correct it

 

[Reverend Random]

Hey there. That sounds like a terrible experience, although I am guessing to what exactly went down. I for one would not recommend tripping again this soon, but would rather focus on getting well. I guess that's obvious, eh?

Some thoughts then. Try to not beat yourself up about your difficult experience and what might have gone wrong. The only thing you can do right now is to accept that life is shitty for the moment and to try and have faith that you will be feeling better after some time. You can speed up the process by taking care of yourself, which in itself is a physical way of loving yourself. Treat yourself in a healthy way. Exercise. That might seem like the hardest possible thing to do, but it will do you good, put your mind off things, create some endorphins...

What you're feeling (the cravings for H, the emptiness, the suicidal thoughts etc.) is called dysphoria and is not uncommon after having drained yourself emotionally, especially with the aid of euphoria-inducing psychoactives. Rest assured that it'll pass and that you'll just have to brave the intense shittiness of the moment. If you can get through this, you'll be the better for it and richer from experience.

Good luck!

[edit] Just saw that I am repeating several things that others have pointed already as well. Exercise, sleep plenty, eat healthy food, accept that life sucks from time to time and believe us when we say that you'll bounce back. If you deal with the situation like that, you'll end up having learned at least something. And we'll still be here afterwards if you want to talk about it too. Cheers!