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wtblife

wtblife

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 16, 2010
Messages
608
Location
VA, USA
I never thought I would feel like this ever again, but the last few days it has been getting worse and worse. Found myself reaching for pills to stop it from going any further and it was like deja vu of recklessly popping shit by the handful. Fuck I dunno I can't even ramble anymore just feel too shitty, gonna go nod off somewhere with my dog.
 
I feel you man.........I'm off the opies and not adjusting well. My dose was considered small so but it was a daily crutch and now without it I feel lost. Work takes twice as long, my brain is so awake that it hurts. Try your best not to keep reaching for the pills man, try to be a weekend warrior....I've heard its the only way :)
 
I really don't know what has me down, maybe discontinuing the Prozac, but I do that constantly cause I don't like to rely on it, maybe just stopped at a bad time... I think school and dealing with this move has just been shitty, I can't stand still not having any friends. I've stayed addiction free for the last like year and amphetamines are more my scene, not opiates, but I refuse to take them to cheer me up nowadays cause I used to do that and that is how my addiction started in the first place. I feel like binging so bad...

I've seriously been like happy and confident and never even thought about suicide for years til tonight although I'm not at any risk, just the thought popped into my mind cause of the handful of pills and the state of mind I'm in, brought back memories. Anxiety building blah blah blah. I'm fine, just talking to myself through posting helps.
 
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Yeah, I get like that sometimes as well.........when none of my hobbies seem worthwhile, and my g/f has had me get rid of all my old friends besides my bro who is my best friend. Get some good excercise(not kidding) pick up an instrument, do something you don't normally do.
 
I used to go for a jog when I feel down, but I'm not feelin it. Really feeling too shitty so I think I'll just take the dog for a walk and nod off somewhere for a bit, he's my bff.

I should probably get closer to my brother, we bonded a bit last time he was here, but I kind of kept him at a distance cause I usually don't attach to anyone. I'll have to give him a call or something, he's been down the same sort of road.
 
Yes I didn't bond with my older brother for a long time after he got married, but one evening we took MDMA together and have been super close for a long time. I am trying to establish something long term with my little bro but he is in that "college/abercrombie/drugs are bad" type of mental state which is hard to be around sometimes.
 
My brother is an alcoholic (really gotta get him to stop :-\) and we drank a lot along with ambien while he was here and robotripped once, but I just kept him at a distance still for the most part. Like I wasn't able to relax, I'm not good at being that close to people no matter how open I am with them, but I'm workin on it. It's really weird with him cause idk, my family isn't the closest... Just bunch of random people in the same house as my siblings describe it. He really tried to become closer with me though, we both actually really want to do mdma together if we can find some (im not trusting and dont have connections anymore, but maybe i can give him a connection cause he still lives in mn and he can bring some with idk).

I'm actually feeling quite a bit better and think I might go for a jog and save the nodding til after. Appreciate the convo :D
 
You mentioned quitting prozac or using it sporatically. This messed me up emotionally. I've used so many antidepressants over the years. For instance, if I forgot to take effexor for one or two days I would get all weepy. Then think, shit I forgot to take my meds! They really can send you into a depressive state if you suddenly quit taking them. My doctor recently prescribed me amitriptyline and I don't want to go through this again. When I was heavily using oxy, I didn't want to be around my friends. I was just wrapped up in my own self and basically hole up in the house not wishing to go anywhere. My bf still reminds me of this today. So like other people mentioned, it's good to make yourself go places even if you don't want to. I have 2 dogs and it feels great that they're always happy to see me corny as it sounds. You know-unconditional love! You'll be ok. ~theresa
 
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