Really Frustrated. Some words of wisdom or advice welcome.

[Ozekat]

Well I don't think this needs to be unnecessarily long, but here goes.

I'm 24 and have been doing drugs or alcohol or weed or whatever I can get for the past 8-9 years on a VERY regular basis. I've actually only recently been able to admit I'm an addict (like 2-3 months ago) so there is positive momentum in that regard. I have a full time job and make decent money, and that helps me keep my head above water in a very good way. But my rant is that my life is really dull.....I'm so sick of drugs in general. I mean, I used to think I was better than an addict because I could take a day or 2 or 3 or 4 days break....LOL, yes I know I was living in a fucked up deluded dream world.


Anyway, I don't really do much besides go to buddhist activities and work. I hang out with people, but it always revolves around consumming substances in some way(besides the buddhist meetings). My main culprit is opiates, but I've been switching around so much, trying to "quit" opiates by smoking weed, or skipping both for the good ol' booze.....and of course I like stimulants and benzos from time to time....

I don't recall anytime in this past 8-9 years, ever since halfway through sophomore or junior year of high school, that I haven't been high REGULARLY. I'm honestly not proud of that.

So, I want to embark on a great quest of sobriety. I've been thinking about doing this FOR YEARS. And I feel better when I am sober, that is until those cravings start sneaking back in.

Anyway I actually have a lot of self-confidence, it seems my addictions are just as insidious as anyone elses......I live with an alcoholic/addict so that makes it extra hard to quit.

I like the carefree, 100% un-drugged up me so much more. It just makes me feel like a kid again, but once those "negative emotions" show up, I'm running for the stuff, whatever it takes so I don't have to work through the real-ness of life.....

Let me know if anyone can relate.

 

[Lilunwell]

I can defanantly relate. It's going to be particurly hard for you to quit with your bf using. This is almost always a deal killer. Not saying always but more often than not. I hope nothing but the best for you. If you have any questions feel free.

 

[tripnotyzm]

What method are you generally using when taking opiates??

 

[tripnotyzm]

Unless you are IVing said drugs, I think you have the potential to easily cut back your usage quickly.
You really need to be determined to stop.
I always see people wanting to quit, then within no time, it seems as if they have forgotten about their passion to get clean.
There was a time when I too wanted to quit drug taking, but I was never extremely determined to quit. So I found myself using time and time over, which made me really unhappy and confused at times.
I couldn't kick my habits until I started experiencing very alarming heart problems. Yeah, drug induced heart problems at 22 years of age.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, you don't want to wait until you are really sick or hurt before you actually quit using. You need to listen to what your heart is telling you and quit using now, before you turn out like me and regret everything.

 

[Ozekat]

I can defanantly relate. It's going to be particurly hard for you to quit with your bf using. This is almost always a deal killer. Not saying always but more often than not. I hope nothing but the best for you. If you have any questions feel free.

haha! I'm a dude. And I'm straight, though single. I live with my dad, thats who I was referring to. Anyway, its cool.

And thanks tripnotyzm. I'm on day one (again). I recently actually stopped using opiates for almost one week, but I was still smoking the pot, and it just made me more frustrated. I'm starting to figure that out, I can't be switching one for another. I appreciate the fact that you believe I have a really good chance of quitting for good.

I guess in the back of my head I think, "well if I go clean for a month straight, I deserve to get high again"....which just sounds so confusing and preposterous.

I def don't IV anything, never have. I prefer to eat or snort, last time I used was snorting. Also, for tripnotyzm, do you use anything besides the evil opiate now?

thanks everyone for the replies.

 

[Ozekat]

Well I'm on day 2 now, I feel really good about this whole thing. I hope its cool if I bump this, I don't want it to get lost in obscurity because I think it is helping me somehow. Something about TDS is really welcoming and I like it.

Anyway, I've been smoking cigs....I can really see nicotine becoming an old friend, it helps me catch a super short buzz, but one that isn't condemned by society....maybe the only reason anyone feels bad about addiction is because certain substances are condemned...lol I dunno, I'm feeling good this past couple days though. And I know the real battle hasn't even begun yet, because I was feeling the same way around day 4-5 last time.....until you DOA rears its ugly head right in your face, and if its free! OMG, that is the hardest damn thing to turn down....but I want to hahahaha....I feel kind of insane just for choosing to be completely sober....but I want to follow this little project as far as I can.