Really depressed after a breakup... help :(

[starlett7]

My bf broke up with me almost a week ago for some really stupid reasons because apparently I'm immature and he doesn't like things I do sometimes ut we always laugh a lot together and have a good time so it doesn't make sense to me.

I've been crying every day, I've eaten bites of food on some days, other days I'll just drink a slim fast or juice. I don't know how to deal with this, I know life goes on, there's more fish in the sea, blah blah blah, but it hurts so much and I can't stop myself from feeling miserable and depressed all the time. I'm not even sure if the relationship was right if he didn't like who I was but I can't help missing him because we always had so much fun together and we hung out all the time.

I've gotten to the point where I'm terrified to eat because I haven't eaten for so long my metabolism is probably super slow and I'm afraid of getting fat. I've never been big at all but I've also never been happy with my body so it's almost like this depression about my breakup is fueling me to starve myself to be thinner but also because I'm really depressed and just don't feel like eating.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore, sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy thinking about him finding another girl... I know time heals all but I can't take this it hurts so fucking much...

What's going to happen to me if I continue not eating? I don't feel weak or light headed which seems kind of weird.

 

[Sublime947]

im sorry that your boyfriend broke up with you. i might not be much help, because im a guy, never even been a relationship or even kissed a girl, but im trying to keep my head up.

i hope things get better. if he broke up with you for a reason like that it sounds like he wasn't even right for u.

but please, do eat. you will feel better. you don't want to turn anorexic, not a good path to go on. if you continue not getting the proper nutrients you need you will suffer later, and trust me, nobody wants that. don't starve yourself or beat yourself up over this.

i too cry because of feelings of loneliness, but things will get better. i bet you can find someone better than him.
no reason to beat yourself up over it though.

 

[herbavore]

Getting your heart broken and rejected is one of the most painful things to endure. It is next to impossible not to turn everything in on yourself even when you know how self destructive that is. Not eating because you are sad is one thing but having it slip over into the dangerous territory of self punishment ( hating your body) is more worrisome. Try to eat frequent small amounts of food that are nutritious and actually help you have stamina. Also, don't forget that exercise can really help your mood, distract you from the feelings of sadness for a bit and make you hungry.

Crying is good for body and soul so let it out. You are right that all those platitudes about what is still out there don't matter much when you are both missing the one person you want and feeling rejected to boot. Hold on to the knowledge that you expressed above that if this person didn't love you for who you are then it was not the best relationship for you anyway. Working on self-acceptance during this hard period when it can seem farthest away is the key to healing from this situation and being better equipped for it in the future. Much love to you, and empathy.

 

[Missykins]

Everyone says this and they do so because it's the truth: time heals. Try to set a goal for yourself to do something that gives you pleasure, or has in the past. It doesn't have to be a big deal, just something simple that you can accomplish that will make you feel better about yourself. What's key is getting outside of your own head. If you don't have a job, find one, or donate your time to a charity close to your heart. Giving to others will remind yourself of what a loving, caring person you are and that there is a person out there who deserves you. But what you really want to do is to find an activity that will stop you from obsessing over your ex.

If you don't turn around soon you may want to talk to a therapist. But this is how most people feel after a breakup, I've gone through it myself and felt exactly how you do. But I don't only longer. You just need to trust the process that you will feel better.

 

[KAYLA2010]

Sorry about your breakup. I don't really know what to say except to remind you that you will fall in love a million times in this life time its a great thing to live and be able to love.

 

[pokerboy]

Hello starlett,

Getting your heart broken is a terrible thing. Having gone through bad breakups a few times, I can only tell you this.

- It is normal to hurt now. In fact, it is ok and natural. We all go through heartaches at one point or another.
- There are no words that can make you feel REALLY better. Go talk to someone close, who is able to listen for a while without being judgmental and show you that you are still loved with simple affection gestures (hugs!).
- There is no way to instantly cover the pain. It will take some time. You may even be surprised of how
- Right now your self esteem is understandably very low. you need to find a way to make it go up a little. Start researching about an activity, something that will make you feel better. Working out is fantastic to overcome a break-up: endorphins really make you feel better, and the effects on your body and energy levels are very positive. That will boost your confidence. If you hate the gym you can still take dance classes, do sport, anything physical that fixates your mind on the present moment.
- Listen to some breakup songs online. Tons of artists have gone through exactly what you describe and they have expressed it in their own ways. This is a decent selection but there are amny more http://www.lovelyish.com/727614473/the-top-10-best-break-up-songs-for-getting-over-that-guy/

Good luck, take care and eat a little something before tonight, ok?

 

[starlett7]

Thanks for all the love and support guys! I know there's nothing that anyone can really say to make the pain stop but it helps to hear positive things from people.

I'll feel okay for a bit but then a thought about him will cross my mind and make me sick to my stomach.

He still wants to be friends and I don't mind that but obviously that won't happen right away. Right now I'm wondering if I should totally ignore him or just give really brief replies if he texts me. I feel like if I totally shut him out he might do the same to me if I wanna talk to him in the future and that would kill me.

He's started a conversation with me the last couple days, he'll say hey whats up or he asked me how my night was this morning cuz I went out the other day (he knew I went out cuz he heard from a mutual friend). Does that mean he misses me or he's already over me and is just talking to me as a friend..?

 

[starlett7]

I also keep hoping after a while he'll come around and realise what he's lost but I don't know if it's a good idea to give myself that hope in case it doesn't happen

 

[pokerboy]

Right now I'm wondering if I should totally ignore him or just give really brief replies if he texts me.

Ignore him totally. You need to move on. The quicker, the better! When you feel better you can decide to be friends but now is not the time for that decision.

 

[rocked513]

Thanks for all the love and support guys! I know there's nothing that anyone can really say to make the pain stop but it helps to hear positive things from people.

I'll feel okay for a bit but then a thought about him will cross my mind and make me sick to my stomach.

He still wants to be friends and I don't mind that but obviously that won't happen right away. Right now I'm wondering if I should totally ignore him or just give really brief replies if he texts me. I feel like if I totally shut him out he might do the same to me if I wanna talk to him in the future and that would kill me.

He's started a conversation with me the last couple days, he'll say hey whats up or he asked me how my night was this morning cuz I went out the other day (he knew I went out cuz he heard from a mutual friend). Does that mean he misses me or he's already over me and is just talking to me as a friend..?

sorry to hear about your break up, rejection is a bad feeling. as far as thinking about him, as days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months, etc. you'll think about him less and less. idk you or your boyfriend or your personalities and stuff but if it's me and i'm trying to forget someone, i can't talk to them cause i'll think about them even more.

it's hard to tell if he's still thinking about you in a romantic way or if he's just trying to be friends cause like i said idk either of you. guys can be strange creatures at times (i am one).

you'll get through this tho. you said he broke up with you for stupid reasons so i'm going to guess you're both young? hang out with your friends and do things/activities to keep you busy and your mind off him, you'll meet other guys. :D

 

[rocked513]

Ignore him totally. You need to move on. The quicker, the better! When you feel better you can decide to be friends but now is not the time for that decision.

truth. gotta take care of yourself before you can worry about other people

 

[Dave]

Agreed. Give it six months, minimum, no contact whatsoever. Then re-evaluate. Most people who initiate a break-up like to say that they would like to remain friends, if for no other reason than to make themselves feel less guilty. It's not always the best idea, and from what I've seen personally I'd venture that it is rarely a good idea.

Assume that he's not coming back. Quite frankly, would you want to be back with someone who has put you through such pain, so callously? Don't answer that, but as yourself that question now, and again in two weeks, and again in a month.

These things need time to run through their course; you're basically mourning the loss of this relationship, and that takes time. Give it the time it needs, but at the same time make sure to take care of yourself. Eat. Even if it's just a salad and a Boost/slimfast/whatever. Whole foods are better, but if you're malnourished you will feel even worse, and will have a harder time dealing with life. When you feel ready, start exercising again. I find cardio to be cathartic, but whatever works well for you.

 

[S.M.F.G]

Seperation/ breakups are NEVER easy.. I'm so sorry ur going thru this atm... From experience of many failed relationships i can also say it neve gets easier, Heatrache and loss are touching emotions in the most powerfull way in how they effect us. Eating seems worthless but its good ur @ least on some shakes n shit, my eatins bad too.
I'm 30 in 5 days, and i have had moer failures than i can count.. Its fucking depressing, but i never givin up. I suggest that you take ur time to get thru this, by all means come here and use the rant thread or something even continue this, The folks here will help support u thur this shit hey
It seems like the end of the world but it isnt...
Best wishes il be lookin in on ya to c hows u doing

 

[Missykins]

He still wants to be friends and I don't mind that but obviously that won't happen right away. Right now I'm wondering if I should totally ignore him or just give really brief replies if he texts me. I feel like if I totally shut him out he might do the same to me if I wanna talk to him in the future and that would kill me.

He's started a conversation with me the last couple days, he'll say hey whats up or he asked me how my night was this morning cuz I went out the other day (he knew I went out cuz he heard from a mutual friend). Does that mean he misses me or he's already over me and is just talking to me as a friend..?

Fuck that let's be friends shit. It's manipulative and designed to make HIM feel better. Think of it this way: it's a way for him to pick and choose what he likes about you without having any obligation towards you.

Maybe in the future you can be friends, but not now. But that's just my opinion.

 

[SinisterMuffin]

If he misses you, he needs to come out and say it. Be truthful with him: Tell him you need time to figure things out; maybe that you guys can be friends in the future, but don't put yourself through that torment now.

I hope that you're working on eating a bit more. I know it's tough; there are times when my body rejects food entirely. But frequent, healthy snacks throughout the day...vitamins/dietary supplements...fruit juices...smoothies (especially really fruity, rich smoothies!)...and gradually increasing your meal size, that should hopefully help. Don't turn this break-up into a personal flaw on your part; it's pretty obvious that he is the one who is flawed. As you said, the relationship probably wasn't right if he couldn't accept you for you, so try not to get down on yourself. (Obviously, that's easier said than done...) I'm glad that darksidedsam recommended you come here. I hope you know that there are plenty here on BL, as there probably are plenty in your life closer to home, who are willing to listen and talk things out with you.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I've gotten to the point where I'm terrified to eat because I haven't eaten for so long my metabolism is probably super slow and I'm afraid of getting fat. I've never been big at all but I've also never been happy with my body so it's almost like this depression about my breakup is fueling me to starve myself to be thinner but also because I'm really depressed and just don't feel like eating.

What's going to happen to me if I continue not eating? I don't feel weak or light headed which seems kind of weird.

Others have already posted a lot of good advice regarding your break-up, which is great. So I will just address this particular part of your post. It is reasonably common for women to have this reaction to a break-up. When someone rejects us, a lot of women feel like it's because they are physically unattractive, I don't know why this is but yeah, it's pretty common. It's also a very common symptom of intense sadness, depression, grief etc, to completely lose your appetite. Perhaps knowing that what you're going through is normal, and that these feelings won't last forever, may help? Regardless, please don't let these thoughts control you, please don't let yourself begin to obsess over them. Through all of this heartache, it would be absolutely terrible if you got yourself an eating disorder as well. You really don't need that kind of stress right now (or ever!). I know you really don't feel like eating but please try to eat at least a few mouthfuls of something at least 4 or 5 times a day, then work your way up to eating more as you feel comfortable with it. Please do not skip a whole day without eating something. Eating regularly keeps our blood glucose levels stable, which helps to regulate our moods and bodily functions, and seretonin is also involved in food and appetite. The more you deny yourself of food, the less stable your emotions will be and worse you are going to feel about yourself, which can turn in to a vicious cycle. Remember to keep it healthy if possible, salad sandwiches are great, yoghurt, apples, bananas, lean meat and fish, raw unsalted nuts, smoothies made with fresh fruit and frozen yoghurt, etc. If you really can't stomach anything have a big glass of chocolate milk or a tub of yoghurt, then try again to eat something a bit later. If you're healthy on the inside from eating good food, you will feel happier and more confident, and you will recover sooner from your break-up. But of course also remember that the odd piece of junk food here and there is good for the soul!! Don't deny yourself yummy things, because they make you feel happy

Best of luck hun, much love, and please be good to yourself. Over time, you WILL be okay, you WILL feel happy again

 

[starlett7]

It's amazing how so many of you care and don't even know me. I actually started feeling better over the weekend since I spent it with my best friend and at the end my ex pretty much told
me he missed me.
It was probably a bad idea but I went to see him last night and it was weird but I didn't really feel anything but confusion because things between us have never been bad, we get along great but I know dating is out of the question because he's going to end up getting annoyed with me and
I'm gonna end up becoming an emotional psycho and everything will be right where
it started.
The day before I saw him something clicked and it was the first time I
didn't feel depressed. Now it's creeping back little because I miss him and I know things won't be the same. I can't help worrying about him finding another girl, it's worse because he even said he can see us together in the future.

Thanks for all the love and support I'm starting to get myself together

 

[herbavore]

Keep doing whatever you are doing to fill your life without a relationship. Spend time with friends, pursue hobbies, connect with new people and try new things. You will have less time to feel the lack of what you had as well as getting stronger on your own two feet. That way, when a new romantic interest comes along you will be in a much stronger position.

Even though it will be hard to see your ex with someone else, you'll get over it. try to tell yourself that you deserve someone that values you for who you are and this person did not. Keep your eye on your goal: a stronger you and a better boyfriend!

 

[n3ophy7e]

starlett it sounds like you're going through the very normal and natural course of the post-beak-up phase. You're doing just fine hun
I will say this: The less you see him and speak to him, the faster and easier it will be to get over him, and to feel better. It's up to you of course, and I know it's not always easy to stay away from your ex (especially when they keep trying to contact you!). But just do what you feel is right for you

 

[RedLeader]

It's amazing how so many of you care and don't even know me. I actually started feeling better over the weekend since I spent it with my best friend and at the end my ex pretty much told
me he missed me.
It was probably a bad idea but I went to see him last night and it was weird but I didn't really feel anything but confusion because things between us have never been bad, we get along great but I know dating is out of the question because he's going to end up getting annoyed with me and
I'm gonna end up becoming an emotional psycho and everything will be right where
it started.
The day before I saw him something clicked and it was the first time I
didn't feel depressed. Now it's creeping back little because I miss him and I know things won't be the same. I can't help worrying about him finding another girl, it's worse because he even said he can see us together in the future.

Thanks for all the love and support I'm starting to get myself together

Unfortunately, dealing with heartbreak like this is one of those things that one only really gets better at through experience. And I use the word "better" loosely, as it never gets easy. Love is a difficult experience, and is something that some of us are lucky enough to find in our teenage years, while others still feel alone at 40, 50, or even later. And it's easy to convince ourselves that we're not in a perfect, loving relationship because there is something wrong with us. Or that we are the common denominator of all of our failed relationships. However, this is all very self-defeatist thinking, and at the end of the day, we're only really the one to blame for not finding love when we let such self-defeating thoughts control our behaviours. So starlett, you may be faulting yourself for the breakup, the cessation of the love, but remind yourself that it was also YOU that this dude fell for, it was YOU that he stayed with, and it was YOU that I'm sure he was scared to death to break up with because he was worried about hurting you.

Time does help, as the others have said, but you also have to remember that each time you text him, each time he tells you that he misses you, each time you look him up on Facebook, each time you want to know more about any new girls...you start that clock back at zero. This kind of stuff, though addictive, is NOT conducive to a polite breakup and is just going to add to your grief and misery. Unless you *honestly* think that the two of you can soon get back together without any introduced awkward complications, then keep at a distance. It's not rude or weird at all to tell him that you want some time to yourself to help you get through this. Especially as the one who was dumped, as it's typically harder for the person in that role. Do not be afraid to ask this of him.

I'm with you, though. This stuff has never been easy for me, and has actually gotten me into more serious trouble when I had some rebound romances with ladies named molly, lucky, sherry and one with this heroin chic look goin' on... Seriously, though, one thing that has always helped me, although it's kinda silly, is what I call the "look at me now" effect. If you run into this dude 3-, 6-, 12- months down the road, you might secretly want him to think Damn, I gave that up? What was I thinking?, right? You don't want him seeing you with an eating disorder or with nothing to show for yourself because you've been depressed in your bedroom for months on end, right? You want him to see you healthy, doing well at school/work, having a lot of friends, comfortable in your own skin, and so on. Heck, even if you're thinking up stories of him with other girls, you'd want that other girl to see you as a strong, interesting person he was stupid to give up, right? Not a teared-up mess...

I probably need two hands now to count how many times I was petrified that "the one...no I mean the one, I was wrong about the one before her, this one really was the one" had gotten away and that I'd be alone forever and never be able to feel love with another person like that again. It can happen, though.

I don't know what music you like, but this song gives me hope that it's possible. Maybe it can do the same for you.