realized life isn't over, it's just changed.

[hexagram]

For anyone who saw my thread about how my life peaked at uni, I'm looking at it from a different perspective now. I'm not a student anymore. Those days are over. The endless nights out, society bar crawls, excessive drug sessions,my student girlfriend and shitty bar job, and just general pissing about. Yeah those times were amazing and I had an absolute blast. But getting depressed because my life isn't like that anymore is pointless. I'll always have the memories of those times to look back on and smile.

It dosen't help that I still live in a very studenty area right near a major university, but now is the time for other things. It's tricky, change always is, especially when I had such fun before and atm I don't have a lot going on. But now maybe there'll be new stuff to make me happy. I could find an ok job, save up some money, travel. I could make new friends and maybe eventually have a better, more meaningful relationship than the one I had with my student party girl ex who I was so in love with and so sure I'd never find anyone better than. Maybe once i've worked an ok job for a while, I could get a better one, one that I might enjoy. Then maybe even a family. Who knows.

It's going to take small steps, but today i'm going to try and find some voluntary work that suits me, maybe at a homeless shelter or something. I'm going to try and stay off social media and not compare myself to others. I might even look into doing another a-level, or a btec or something.

I think i'll always have an interest in drugs, but that doesn't mean they have to be my life. The same thing with raving and partying. I could incorporate some of it into a more adult existence.

What really brought it home was the nightclub that I partied in with student friends, met my ex in, and worked with my ex in has now closed. That's it. Time to move on. I can safely say i'm glad I didn't kill myself during those dark months from August to November when I was genuinely planning on ending my life.

 

[Jackal]

Dats rite.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

For anyone who saw my thread about how my life peaked at uni, I'm looking at it from a different perspective now. I'm not a student anymore. Those days are over. The endless nights out, society bar crawls, excessive drug sessions,my student girlfriend and shitty bar job, and just general pissing about. Yeah those times were amazing and I had an absolute blast. But getting depressed because my life isn't like that anymore is pointless. I'll always have the memories of those times to look back on and smile.

It dosen't help that I still live in a very studenty area right near a major university, but now is the time for other things. It's tricky, change always is, especially when I had such fun before and atm I don't have a lot going on. But now maybe there'll be new stuff to make me happy. I could find an ok job, save up some money, travel. I could make new friends and maybe eventually have a better, more meaningful relationship than the one I had with my student party girl ex who I was so in love with and so sure I'd never find anyone better than. Maybe once i've worked an ok job for a while, I could get a better one, one that I might enjoy. Then maybe even a family. Who knows.

It's going to take small steps, but today i'm going to try and find some voluntary work that suits me, maybe at a homeless shelter or something. I'm going to try and stay off social media and not compare myself to others. I might even look into doing another a-level, or a btec or something.

I think i'll always have an interest in drugs, but that doesn't mean they have to be my life. The same thing with raving and partying. I could incorporate some of it into a more adult existence.

What really brought it home was the nightclub that I partied in with student friends, met my ex in, and worked with my ex in has now closed. That's it. Time to move on. I can safely say i'm glad I didn't kill myself during those dark months from August to November when I was genuinely planning on ending my life.

That's the attitude mate! Onwards and upwards, never look back. The past is gone, who knows what the future holds? We all look back fondly on our late teens, early 20s (often with rose coloured specs), but don't mourn their passing, rejoice in what is yet to come. Good luck and all the best

 

[steewith2ees]

That's the best post you have ever written. Remember friendless druggy losers like me as you progress onto bigger and better things - you've had what is to all intents and purposes the biggest comedown ever, but like every comedown, it was never going to last forever while you still have your entire life ahead of you.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

That's the best post you have ever written. Remember friendless druggy losers like me as you progress onto bigger and better things - you've had what is to all intents and purposes the biggest comedown ever, but like every comedown, it was never going to last forever while you still have your entire life ahead of you.

Stee, don't write yourself off yet mate. You have years ahead of you yet. I too thought myself a druggy loser after 20 years of addiction, but i'm now entering my 50s with a new perspective and new hope. Life is what you make it...

 

[steewith2ees]

Cheers Fubar, Id love not to write myself off but everyone I know personally and professionally have, leaving me with nothing but my drugs. Im still aiming for a rehab place once I have been detoxed, but no amount of rehab will remove the 'junkie' tattoo I have on my forehead.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Cheers Fubar, Id love not to write myself off but everyone I know personally and professionally have, leaving me with nothing but my drugs. Im still aiming for a rehab place once I have been detoxed, but no amount of rehab will remove the 'junkie' tattoo I have on my forehead.

The only 'Junkie tattoo' you have on your forehead is the one you put there yourself. Hold your head up, fuck the doubters and forge a new life. Just keep on with the reduction, and try, try, try, not to use on top.

 

[BigG]

Theres always light at the end of the tunnel mate. Its never over until you say it is. You've got to keep fighting. Im often guulty of feeling sorry for myself then i see some of the things other people go through and i think things arent so bad.

Life's an uphill battle sometimes but at the end of the day it is what you make of it.

 

[consumer]

The only 'Junkie tattoo' you have on your forehead is the one you put there yourself. Hold your head up, fuck the doubters and forge a new life. Just keep on with the reduction, and try, try, try, not to use on top.

THIS!

The is no junkie tattoo on your forehead bro...only if you put it there yourself. You are heading in the right direction. It will not be easy or smooth sailing but thats ok. Others have walked the same path and come out the other side. You can too

You are clearly a smart bloke. There is nothing stopping you from applying your considerable knowledge to new avenues. I reckon you'd make a fantastic drug counselor with your nursing background and life experience. You do have a lot to offer you just need to see that yourself.

Onwards and upwards brother.

 

[SmokingAces]

That's the way hex. I went through more or less the exact same thing as you have, it all went wrong one night I got far too pissed (was drinking heavily every other night at the time) made a cunt of myself, fell out with the girl, went off the rails, things all turned sour and after scoring the best test exam in the class I was studying I bailed on it because I couldn't face being around her after it was finished.

Advice would be, get fit, get on form, keep the drugs to what you yourself know is manageable. Trying to go completely sober is well, stupid. Everyone needs to let loose once in a while, whether it's a glass of wine, a smoke of weed or tripping in a field let us not forget drugs are fun, just not the be all and end all. OTW on here had it right when he said they should be used like spices, to enhance the flavour but not overpower it. As fun as they can be we should all surely have other interests and hobbies too.

Once your back on full song all those people and the girl things went tits up with will all mean jack shit, as you will have moved on to bigger and better things.

Just stay positive, try to keep a clear head. Learn to be in control of your own destiny

 

[steewith2ees]

The only 'Junkie tattoo' you have on your forehead is the one you put there yourself. Hold your head up, fuck the doubters and forge a new life. Just keep on with the reduction, and try, try, try, not to use on top.

Oh, I know I put the tattoo there myself, I cannot blame anyone for that, but I cant stop everyone and anyone I know reading it out loud every chance they get. I've already sorted my life out once, rebuilt a brilliant career from the ashes of my nursing but it only took one colleague and google to find the newspaper articles recounting my arrest for possession and subsequent striking off. As I was the assistant manager of a care home at the time, this information completely undermined my ability to do my job (the senior managers knew my history so I was not withholding anything from anyone who mattered), and within days staff were complaining that they were finding 'drug paraphernalia' in areas where I had been working (the 'paraphernalia' consisted of a sweet wrapper from a roses box (drug wrap) and an empty pen tube (drug pipe, obviously). As the majority of the staff I was supervising made official complaints about such a person holding a senior position, they simultaneously refused to work with me any further, leaving me with no choice but to resign. It took me 5 years to rebuild my professional life and it was dismantled again within 3 weeks. Naturally, following this collapse I had relapsed within a month, which is where I stand now. I've had 2 chances and blew them both and as such I cant see why anyone in their right mind would ever bother taking me seriously again.

Anyway, my apologies for derailing what should be a positive thread with my pathetic stories. Onwards and upwards Hex, it still gives me pleasure to see hope in any situation regardless of the fact that I hold none for myself. Im nearly 40 so my days of making friends or establishing another meaningful relationship are long gone - where as Hex has more than enough time to still catch the boat and make the most of things.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Oh, I know I put the tattoo there myself, I cannot blame anyone for that, but I cant stop everyone and anyone I know reading it out loud every chance they get. I've already sorted my life out once, rebuilt a brilliant career from the ashes of my nursing but it only took one colleague and google to find the newspaper articles recounting my arrest for possession and subsequent striking off. As I was the assistant manager of a care home at the time, this information completely undermined my ability to do my job (the senior managers knew my history so I was not withholding anything from anyone who mattered), and within days staff were complaining that they were finding 'drug paraphernalia' in areas where I had been working (the 'paraphernalia' consisted of a sweet wrapper from a roses box (drug wrap) and an empty pen tube (drug pipe, obviously). As the majority of the staff I was supervising made official complaints about such a person holding a senior position, they simultaneously refused to work with me any further, leaving me with no choice but to resign. It took me 5 years to rebuild my professional life and it was dismantled again within 3 weeks. Naturally, following this collapse I had relapsed within a month, which is where I stand now. I've had 2 chances and blew them both and as such I cant see why anyone in their right mind would ever bother taking me seriously again.

Anyway, my apologies for derailing what should be a positive thread with my pathetic stories. Onwards and upwards Hex, it still gives me pleasure to see hope in any situation regardless of the fact that I hold none for myself. Im nearly 40 so my days of making friends or establishing another meaningful relationship are long gone - where as Hex has more than enough time to still catch the boat and make the most of things.

I must admit that is fuckin shit mate. But there is always more than one career. Try something different, you might just like it...

 

[2tincarmun]

Hey Stee,don't be so hard on yourself
.40 is fuck all mate,you've got loads yet to fuck up.Only kiddin mate i really enjoy reading your posts ,you come across as a kind , intelligent person.You never know what's round the corner.I've got ten years on you and a similar situation.Sounds like you have great parents( mum 's maybe a bit wacky ).Stay positive ,keep smiling ,easy on the gear ,there's plenty worse off.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Hey Stee,don't be so hard on yourself
.40 is fuck all mate,you've got loads yet to fuck up.Only kiddin mate i really enjoy reading your posts ,you come across as a kind , intelligent person.You never know what's round the corner.I've got ten years on you and a similar situation.Sounds like you have great parents( mum 's maybe a bit wacky ).Stay positive ,keep smiling ,easy on the gear ,there's plenty worse off.

Hey, another 'oldtimer'... Hi feller, and why only 46 posts in 6 years?

 

[breakcorefiend]

Hey Stee,don't be so hard on yourself
.40 is fuck all mate,you've got loads yet to fuck up.Only kiddin mate i really enjoy reading your posts ,you come across as a kind , intelligent person.You never know what's round the corner.I've got ten years on you and a similar situation.Sounds like you have great parents( mum 's maybe a bit wacky ).Stay positive ,keep smiling ,easy on the gear ,there's plenty worse off.

Gotta echo this tbh, you are being far too hard on yerself Stee, with a little change in perspective you could do anything! you are reducing ur meth and will be off that soon so think of it as a new beginning

And Hex, I'm glad you have come round, you're only 24, there's a whole life waiting for you yet, I was in a VERY similiar situation when i was 24/25, broke up with a longterm gf in london n lost my flat, had to move back to ireland into the family home and start again, was fucking shit at the time but now Im in a MUCH better place, gunna be moving in with my gf in the next month or so, so good luck mate, and don't beat yourself up anymore, the only person you're hurting is yourself!

 

[2tincarmun]

joined up when the smack vanished and done plenty of lurking.mixture of lack of motivation and confidence .

 

[Bearlove]

Nice to see such a positive post from you Hex, huge difference from just a few months ago so you should be really chuffed with yourself.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

joined up when the smack vanished and done plenty of lurking.mixture of lack of motivation and confidence .

No need to lack confidence here mate. you're with like minded folk...


Edit: the drought brought a lot of junkies to this place - many of whom have stayed and are some of the best people i've never met...

 

[swedger77]

Nice post Hexagram!

 

[Josh]

Nice post. Looking back now, uni and the few years afterwards were some of the worst times of my life. Sure there was more of a social life, parties and fun times, but I was in much less control of my mood, was angry and generally not very nice a lot of the time. I'm still a work in progress but I'm much calmer, happier now I'm in my 30s for sure.