peacelovedope
Bluelighter
The year was 1983, the cocaine trade in America was booming due to the successful efforts of Pablo Escobar and his Medellin cartel. Every rich white individual in America was sniffing blow, including Sly Stallone, VP George H.W. Bush, your grandparents, and Seth Rogen. Because of the wide spread availability of this devil's dandruff and his close association with Escobar, Ronald Reagan was quite literally rolling in a river of money(Reagan spent the majority of his last years in office fishing the leaves and occasional fece out of this river; This was due to the fact that the Secret Service would often put more leaves, feces, and aborted crack babies in it to fuck with Reagan because he had terrible memory loss from Alzheimer's).
However, a river of money simply wasn't enough for Emperor Reagan who demanded a yacht made solely of $100 bills. In order to come up with the sufficient funds to build this yacht, Reagan came to the conclusion that he would have to find a way to push Escobar's cocaine into the inner city ghettoes of America. Reagan hired legendary cocaine afficianado David "Snowbunny" Johnson(pictured) to assist him in creating a cocaine product suitable for the American slums. Reagan and Johnson purchased an ounce of Medellin's finest and began experimenting. The cocaine was combined with phencyclidine(PCP), semen, anal seepage, banana peels, and the formaldehyde from the storage tank containing Hitler's brain, but nothing seemed to work.
Reagan was deeply saddened over losing half an ounce of good yay and was about to give up all hope, but he suddenly remembered an old baking trick his grandmother once practiced. He thought to himself, "Grandma Reagan always said if you wanna make it better, just add a pinch of baking soda." So the remaining cocaine was mixed with baking soda in a big pot of water and the first batch of smokeable rock cocaine was cooked. The yield was somewhat hard, clumped together, and yellowish. Being the coke lover that he was, Johnson volunteered to test the product. He designed a special pipe that he believed would get the best effects out of the rock, broke off a small chunk, and took the first hit. Immediately Johnson proclaimed,"Holyshitgoddamnthisshitisfuckinfire!!!!" Immediately Reagan knew he had found the right combination and an evil, sadistic grin appeared on his face.
David "Snowbunny" Johnson
NEXT TIME ON REAGANOMICS CRACK ROCK HISTORY: The first crack vials hit the streets and Snowbunny Johnson goes to the Vatican!!!!!
However, a river of money simply wasn't enough for Emperor Reagan who demanded a yacht made solely of $100 bills. In order to come up with the sufficient funds to build this yacht, Reagan came to the conclusion that he would have to find a way to push Escobar's cocaine into the inner city ghettoes of America. Reagan hired legendary cocaine afficianado David "Snowbunny" Johnson(pictured) to assist him in creating a cocaine product suitable for the American slums. Reagan and Johnson purchased an ounce of Medellin's finest and began experimenting. The cocaine was combined with phencyclidine(PCP), semen, anal seepage, banana peels, and the formaldehyde from the storage tank containing Hitler's brain, but nothing seemed to work.
Reagan was deeply saddened over losing half an ounce of good yay and was about to give up all hope, but he suddenly remembered an old baking trick his grandmother once practiced. He thought to himself, "Grandma Reagan always said if you wanna make it better, just add a pinch of baking soda." So the remaining cocaine was mixed with baking soda in a big pot of water and the first batch of smokeable rock cocaine was cooked. The yield was somewhat hard, clumped together, and yellowish. Being the coke lover that he was, Johnson volunteered to test the product. He designed a special pipe that he believed would get the best effects out of the rock, broke off a small chunk, and took the first hit. Immediately Johnson proclaimed,"Holyshitgoddamnthisshitisfuckinfire!!!!" Immediately Reagan knew he had found the right combination and an evil, sadistic grin appeared on his face.
David "Snowbunny" Johnson
NEXT TIME ON REAGANOMICS CRACK ROCK HISTORY: The first crack vials hit the streets and Snowbunny Johnson goes to the Vatican!!!!!
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