Ready to say f it but with a plan

[lozgod]

ok. I am late on my rent. I have a bonus coming this week that should pay my late rent, and most of my next months rent. Also I have my pain mgt so I will have some pills to sell if I do not have enough for the next months rent after paying this months.

I get 240 30mg roxis. I owe about 30 out and can sell 80-100 and still have a hundred for me.

My job is my excuse for not stopping using. I can't miss work because I can't pay bill if I don't. I am in a unique position to pay my rent up for the next 2 months. Its unique because my bonus and PM visit are so close I can actually pay bills instead of spending it on pills.

Option A. I have been considering going out with a bang and taking roxis until I am dead or wake up in a hospital. I know I am too much of a pussy for suicide. I tried before. Call me a sissy but I have the will to live.

Option B. Another option is pay the bills and quit or come clean with my job and say I f'ed up and asked if they will allow me to go get help. This is my second go around after being rehired from being fired over my previous addiction.

Option C. Continue in this life. Make it to work when I can as long as they will tolerate it and live this opiate addict life I live.

I hate my job but it pays well. I mean I despise it but won't find anything close in regards to pay and wish I could be more grateful for it but I am not.

I have lost love for everything but opiates. I no longer find happiness in anything. That is one of the things that make A and C so desirable choices but A is something I can't see me doing and C comes with more bad times than good. B is giving up my addiction and for some reason it scares me more than A and C. I was clean for 4 months after kicking cold turkey but I was miserable, depressed, etc. I never recovered my love for life.

I do not know what to do. I know I am not alone.

 

[Magic_Hobo]

Hey brother, its me - that guy who keeps arguing with you in the thread with the male officer searching the female's bra. I hope you don't take that personally.

Don't kill yourself! I live a very similar life to yours from what it sounds like; I am a broke chronic pain patient. Sometimes I have to sell my pills to make ends meet, and then of course I run out early and have to buy pills. Or even when I don't sell any of my pills, I still run out early and spend all my extra money on buying extra opiates just so I can not be in pain.

I don't know how bad your pain is, or if you can live without opiates. If you can function, and aren't crippled by pain when you aren't taking medication, then I encourage you to go with option B. It will make your life so much better to get clean, but it will take time. You might lose your job, but you will be able to get another one. And i definitely think getting clean will make more of a positive change in your life than losing your job will make it worse.

If option C is the way you have to go, because your pain is too bad for you to quit using opiates, you still need to make some radical changes in your life. You need to drop your doses to the lowest amount that allows you to manage your pain. Hell, get a friend or girlfriend to give you your roxi's at the right time so that you don't abuse them if thats what you have to do. But more importantly, you need to find other things in life that bring you happiness besides opiates. Find new hobbies, travel, have a more active social life, whatever.

I wish I could give you better advice, lozgod. But i hope everything works out for you and you are able to get clean. Good luck, bro.

 

[hyroller]

Why don't you start therapy concurrently with working?

I mean, you need to be able to afford proper psychological treatment.

Leaving the workforce sounds like a regrettable decision from where I stand.

And also, see a doc ASAP that specialises in opiate replacement treatment (subs/methadone), get on the program and continue living life. Sorted.

 

[SececaRD]

Not sure but I dont think a job can fire you if you need help. You have to take the family medical act.. They dont even have to know why your leaving.

 

[villian]

Not sure but I dont think a job can fire you if you need help. You have to take the family medical act.. They dont even have to know why your leaving.

They can't fire you directly for being an addict and requesting help, but in my own personal experience they can make up a plethora of other reasons to get rid of you.

 

[lozgod]

They can't fire you directly for being an addict and requesting help, but in my own personal experience they can make up a plethora of other reasons to get rid of you.

Right and being an addict there are plenty of good reasons against my case. the calling out, coming in late, falling asleep at work, etc etc.