S3TH5150
Greenlighter
So about a month ago I started snorting/smoking crystal, and i was also snorting cocaine at the time, along with whatever I could get my hands on.
I stayed up for days in, I would sleep for a night, wake up, re up and there I was staying up for more days. My significant other knew I had issues with pills but had no clue about this. After I ran out again at one point I came clean, of course she left. I'm 17 so she immediately told my mom and I wasn't living with her so she came down there and I took off for the night. Found the phone I used to buy these things because I keep things separated. I was snorting coke with my cousin's husband, I introduced him to crystal for some reason. But my mom said she wants me to go to the doctor not because of the drugs necessarily but because of the reason she believes I started them. (I used to be just this really big stone, couple Benzos here and there.) So she forced me to the doctor, they gave me a drug assessment that i bombarded and told them nothing. They took my blood and sent me out of the room, they suggested I go to be evaluated at the hospital. We sat at my grandmothers for some time with them saying I need to go get help, what if someone doesn't want help? I repeatedly told them they'd have to come get me, and then the rest of the nearby family came over ya know, the whole shabang. I sat there and still told them no. Eventually I gave in considering I had court the next day and I knew they weren't gonna leave me alone. The doctors asked questions, vague answers, long hours sitting there with my best friend in a room that didn't have a curtain for me to shit in peace. A psychiatrist came and asked me questions, suggested in patient which is ridiculous to even suggest, I know I have issues and my head isn't screwed on straight I don't need a doctor to tell me that. The facility denied my app ( I was happy) and my mom continued the search for me to be sent off somewhere in a facility. I think they finally gave up, but I can't leave the house, I have a job that I was out for a week and a half due to the doctors saying I couldn't and I was ready to go back the next day. I haven't done any dope since, but it's been climbing out my window at night and meeting to buy adderal, perkys, and morphine. Without these, being stuck in the house has set my mind set to a whole new level of pissed off and wanting to hurt myself. I've been sad before, but it's like being trapped under this roof is not helping my situation. I know it's my own fault because decisions, I leave for work and wherever they leave to go, so on so forth. Otherwise I'm sitting at a house, doing nothing, alone with every thought in my head, nothing to really occupy myself with except what I've bought.
I just don't understand because you make a mistake, people think you're psychotic and you should be isolated in a house that you didn't wanna be in before. I don't deserve to be miserable because I was using. I can barely sleep even when I run out and have no money, when I sleep it's dreams I've never even thought l would have and usually I'm asleep for a good 2-5 hours and I wake up tossing and turning and my best friend that lives with me saw me punching my pillow in my sleep. I don't want a doctor, I want to be left alone but in a sense to where I have freedom because this is getting progressively worse and I'm sure my changed behavior is noticeable unless they pay no attention which I know they do because I got threatened with a drug test because I didn't sleep much for 4 days. Maybe because I'm trapped inside this house for doing something they've done for years on and they had to be sent to jail. I understand they don't want me to take that path, but I can't make amends with my thoughts and I constantly argue with myself whether I should go or stay. (Take this as you like it works both ways.)
I've read about depression, I haven't been diagnosed with anything because I refuse to talk to doctors, I know I have anxiety because I've done my research and I chew my nails terribly. Probably bipolar considering, I'm fine doing the day and trying to shut my brain off St night so I'll stop thinking, or vice versa.
My kidneys are failing, my gallbladder has flaming stones and every time I eat and get full my chest feels like it's tightening up. It's odd because one day I'll be okay and the next it'll change. The drugs don't even change the situation neither, I'm just high when it happens then. I'm sick of being stuck in here and doing anything to try and occupy my time and continue the next day. I'm tired man. I don't know the moral of this feed, it just feels right to vent where I know someone may have mutual understanding, thanks.
I stayed up for days in, I would sleep for a night, wake up, re up and there I was staying up for more days. My significant other knew I had issues with pills but had no clue about this. After I ran out again at one point I came clean, of course she left. I'm 17 so she immediately told my mom and I wasn't living with her so she came down there and I took off for the night. Found the phone I used to buy these things because I keep things separated. I was snorting coke with my cousin's husband, I introduced him to crystal for some reason. But my mom said she wants me to go to the doctor not because of the drugs necessarily but because of the reason she believes I started them. (I used to be just this really big stone, couple Benzos here and there.) So she forced me to the doctor, they gave me a drug assessment that i bombarded and told them nothing. They took my blood and sent me out of the room, they suggested I go to be evaluated at the hospital. We sat at my grandmothers for some time with them saying I need to go get help, what if someone doesn't want help? I repeatedly told them they'd have to come get me, and then the rest of the nearby family came over ya know, the whole shabang. I sat there and still told them no. Eventually I gave in considering I had court the next day and I knew they weren't gonna leave me alone. The doctors asked questions, vague answers, long hours sitting there with my best friend in a room that didn't have a curtain for me to shit in peace. A psychiatrist came and asked me questions, suggested in patient which is ridiculous to even suggest, I know I have issues and my head isn't screwed on straight I don't need a doctor to tell me that. The facility denied my app ( I was happy) and my mom continued the search for me to be sent off somewhere in a facility. I think they finally gave up, but I can't leave the house, I have a job that I was out for a week and a half due to the doctors saying I couldn't and I was ready to go back the next day. I haven't done any dope since, but it's been climbing out my window at night and meeting to buy adderal, perkys, and morphine. Without these, being stuck in the house has set my mind set to a whole new level of pissed off and wanting to hurt myself. I've been sad before, but it's like being trapped under this roof is not helping my situation. I know it's my own fault because decisions, I leave for work and wherever they leave to go, so on so forth. Otherwise I'm sitting at a house, doing nothing, alone with every thought in my head, nothing to really occupy myself with except what I've bought.
I just don't understand because you make a mistake, people think you're psychotic and you should be isolated in a house that you didn't wanna be in before. I don't deserve to be miserable because I was using. I can barely sleep even when I run out and have no money, when I sleep it's dreams I've never even thought l would have and usually I'm asleep for a good 2-5 hours and I wake up tossing and turning and my best friend that lives with me saw me punching my pillow in my sleep. I don't want a doctor, I want to be left alone but in a sense to where I have freedom because this is getting progressively worse and I'm sure my changed behavior is noticeable unless they pay no attention which I know they do because I got threatened with a drug test because I didn't sleep much for 4 days. Maybe because I'm trapped inside this house for doing something they've done for years on and they had to be sent to jail. I understand they don't want me to take that path, but I can't make amends with my thoughts and I constantly argue with myself whether I should go or stay. (Take this as you like it works both ways.)
I've read about depression, I haven't been diagnosed with anything because I refuse to talk to doctors, I know I have anxiety because I've done my research and I chew my nails terribly. Probably bipolar considering, I'm fine doing the day and trying to shut my brain off St night so I'll stop thinking, or vice versa.
My kidneys are failing, my gallbladder has flaming stones and every time I eat and get full my chest feels like it's tightening up. It's odd because one day I'll be okay and the next it'll change. The drugs don't even change the situation neither, I'm just high when it happens then. I'm sick of being stuck in here and doing anything to try and occupy my time and continue the next day. I'm tired man. I don't know the moral of this feed, it just feels right to vent where I know someone may have mutual understanding, thanks.
